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Iv'e met this man, who is lovely to me. Now, im not entirely sure whather it's romantically inclined or just frienedly chat, but either way he's lovely.
I welcome this kind of man 100%, but im still resisting it at the same time, im assuming due to past hurt. Now, i feel im getting better in terms of being comfortable with myself and being more confident etc, but i still have this resistance.
Due to past hurt, will this resistance towards men specifically ever go? How can i help myself to allow this to go?
Aww how nice to read this from both of you.
I expect you are thiking I am going to give you a "talking-to" now pink lilly? 
I'm not going to, but what I will say to BOTH of you is this:
It is RIGHT not to rush things, it's right to make sure you can trust a person rather than plunge in and risk your heart straightaway. But it is also right to have fun, to get out there and just enjoy the experience, have some laughs, feel good about yourself and your future.
I don't think the mistrust ever totally goes away, but it sort of becomes part of your early warning system and before long you will learn to take it in your stride (promise!)
I have been seperated nearly two years now and i am on dating sites and i do look at woman and think she's nice but thats it for me, i cant be bothered.
Yes i would love someone in my life again but it just doesnt interest me and it doesnt feel right, but i would love some friends.
I went on a blind date Once and missed out on a MTB ride, whilst on the date i thought about the ride and what am i doing here when i could be on my bike. ( new hobbie)
I have been told i will know when the time is right and something will click.
it just isnt now.
I have to say that he is such a completely different character to the previous two... Very matter of fact with things and trying to find a solution or a way around it - like suggesting a beach with a ramp leading up to it, and even a ramp leading onto the beach itself...
Today he makes me happy. And really, that's what I'm looking for in life now, not another 'serious' relationship...
Thank you Louise - and sorry to hijack the thread...
hi pink lilly ive met sum fella, seems nice, butim stil very wary,i was in abusive relationship, think il always b wary, cant elp itx
Hi all.
So it's a balancing act then is what i can gather - balancing your hobbies/your personal ineterests, and if i click with somebody just let it happen, but be weary.
Lot to take in, but i will do it, i'm a lot better than what i used to be, i couldnt even look men in the eye before, whereas now i'm giving them a chance more.
I'll get there, and when i do i'll look back on this and see how much iv'e grown. thanks all/
Hi pink lilly, you could look at it as being a balancing act, which sounds like you have to juggle, however how about thinking of it more as setting your boundaries. Remembering that boundaries can be adjusted accordingly.
As Louise says, we all deserve to have some fun and enjoy other people's company. We don't need to tell them our life story or get serious straight away, we have our friends for that, however we can enjoy getting to know someone for who they really are rather than who they initially show us.
If someone is truly interested they will be patient, they will want to get to know you as well and not rush things. As time evolves and you learn that they are trustworthy, your guard will come down naturally.
Trust yourself first before anyone else. Listen to yourself, if you feel uncomfortable, then something isn't right. Acknowledge how things make you feel. Look after yourself, this is another great period for self understanding/growth
I can empathise with this. I've only been on my own for nine months and yet I can't fathom the idea of forming a relationship with somebody again. Echoing the others, not rushing things is a good thing, a positive thing. It's easy to over-think things but that guard will drop naturally as time moves on and as you begin to learn that the person is trustworthy. Trust is something to be earnt, not assumed, especially if you've a history of hurt in the past.
Good luck x
hi just-immi, that sounds great, makes me feel really positive and normal haha sometimes i feel abnor,mal that i havent dived into a relationship, i feel lots of women sometimes do this yknow?
thanks.
Sometimes people do rush straight into another relationship, would be interesting to know how many of these relationships lasted any length of time!
I can hear the sound of fainting as I write this...
All I can say is that I have been on my own for over six and a half years.
I've met someone.
This has been through a meeting with the housing association tenants forum, when we met with another housing association. I gave him my email address as we were talking about the upgrading of houses (long story there with me).
Anyhow. He bombarded me with the sweetest emails, which I ignored. My MiL gave me a talking to and I said yes.
I am 51.
I'm finding VERY hard to relax and just enjoy whatever we have today. Waiting for him to reject me and leave me devastated.
However, today, he is lovely and he does make me smile.
So no. The resistance doesn't go away. It just might need to be someone giving you a talking to, as my MiL did to me...