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Hello everyone , I please need some advice- my naughty toddler is out of control, she's very advanced for her age (18months) and very much knows her own mind, she's always tried pushing her luck but she's now like a moody teenager lol.
the main problem is she screams when happy or sad, not just any scream this is a ear piercing high pitch one, it starts from when she wakes up until she goes to sleep and Ive even had next door call the police as they thought I was hurting her (police could see she was fine & just naughty) this scream can go on for about half an hour & happen over 20 times a day and is followed by tantrums - I use the naughty step which works most times (well she sits on it) but she still screams when on it, Ive tried putting her in her cot, we get dodgy looks in public because of the screaming and as a single parent the tention is building up between us- I call her the "devils child" as she's just out of control
Please help
Hi Tinkerbell. I really feel for you, as one of my nieces would continuously scream. You've tried the time out step, and that doesn't seem to be working, if she still screams even when she's on it. Does she have a favourite toy that you could perhaps take from her, not for long of course because of her age, but tell her she can have it back when she stops screaming. Maybe a doll would work, tell your daughter the 'baby' doesn't like the noise, and so you have to take her to a different room. Have you tried a reward chart?
I'm sure others will be along with great advice.
Hi Tinkerbell2,
Thankfully non of mine have been real screamers, so i have lots of sympathy for you and your ears. Though it is annoying little one has found her voice and is experimenting with what she can do with it, it is a phase as IDT has said and hopefully will pass quickly.
Hazeleyes has given a good suggestion, by saying that her doll/baby does not like the noise.
When she starts screaming you could distract her by turning on some childrens music/nursery rhymes and start singing and encourage her to sing along with you. You could also say something like you sound like a lion how about you make a noise like a dog and try to encourage her to make animal noises instead.
You can also start to introduce inside (quiet) and outside (loud) voices, where they have to use the inside voice at certain places and the outside voice at others, so you use the inside voice at home and in shops and your outside voice in the garden and the park.
Acknowledge and praise her when she is quiet saying something like "i really like it when you are being quiet".
I hope you find something that does the trick.
Hi Tinkerbell
I feel for you as I had a very difficult eldest child. I did want to pick up on a couple of things just from my own experience (so take with a pinch of salt!)
First is that 18 months can be a bit young for the naughty step no matter how advanced the child. in general, punishments work less well at this age and as they are too young to "think about what they've done" and then moderate their behaviour in a meaningful way, you can be on a hiding to nothing with a challenging kid.
Staying calm is the key I do know from personal experience (although God knows how you're supposed to do it - valium?) and being consistent with things like ignoring her unless she is quiet and then giving her lots of attention and fun things to do so it's worth her while. (But all of course requires the patience of a saint and absolutely nothing else to do apart from parent this child 24/7!)
Second is that I have recently started reading a book caled "the Spirited child" which I am loving if just for the fact they call it "spirited" not "bloody difficult"! I do personally think it is better not to label a toddler as "naughty" if you can help it, but I can totally understand why you do.
The book talks about how you can turn their naughty traits into positives and how you can help them in that process. Not sure how the screaming could be positive unless perhaps she wants a career as a police siren in later life?? :-) But there might be traits below the screaming you could work with.
The other thing is that some children are highly sensitive. I know this will make you laugh as she is the loudest person in the room at any given moment! But both loudness and sensitivity can be a sign of a spirited child. Knowing her own mind is part of it too. Is she okay adapting to change or does that spark a lot of problems?
Anyway, in case you want it here is the link for the book:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0060739665/?tag=hydra0b-21&hvadid=9557943189&ref=asc_df_0060739665
Meanwhile I wish you luck and above all good earplugs! Godsend indeed!
Gem
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Thank you for the reply GoodEnoughMum, it did make me laugh, I'm thinking maybe A is heading for a career as a siren haha.
ive just ordered that book, seems quite good and maybe just what we need :)
its funny as when I put A into her naughty mat she just plays down and portends to be asleep- not the outcome I was looking for lol. A is good at adapting to situations and changes, she's very easy going (minus the endless screaming of course) nothing seems to phase her
HI Tinkerbell, as difficult as this phase sounds, please don't call her the 'devils child', as much as I am sure it is said in jest at times, it can also be said in all seriousness and it doesn't help you keep calm and patient and it doesn't help your little one, if she were to hear it.
Think of a new word. I recently saw a phrase that said "I wish all little girls who were called bossy, were told that they had qualities for leadership instead" we have to be so careful with labels. How about 'my little siren' or 'my boomtown baby!' She is still so very young.
I think Sally's idea is great, when your daughter starts screaming make out her doll/teddy is trying to tell you something. Walk closer to it and ask it what is it saying. Then pick it up and have it whisper in your ear, all the while completely ignoring your daughters screaming. Then have a very quiet converstaion with it. Your daughter may pipe down just to hear what you two are talking about!
She's not naughty, she's still young to realise really, and it will be up to you to have the patience of a saint and possibly the strength of thor to learn ignore...
My daughter screamed for months. Twenty minutes snooze and then the horrendous hight pitched scream started again. It did stop, very suddenly.
My now seventeen year old would scream too, although he does have special needs. He stopped screaming when he was 10. That would be for good things too. He did stop quite suddenly too.
Please though, don't tell her she's naughty, however much you believe she is being. My oldest used to have tantrums, but me gasping and saying did you see that was enough for him to be distracted and having a serious conversation about what he ''hadn't'' seen - I used to make things up.
I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am though that she's doing this. I know how much it hurts your head when they are screaming. My daughter is now 19, but there are still sounds that hit the pitch she used to, and my head will immediately hurt!
I really do hope she grows out of it very quickly.
Just a quick suggestion. In Ireland instead of using the word naughty they say the child is being 'bold' which I preferred as in a way they are and it seems a less negative/labelling and accusing phrase and more aimed at the behaviour than the childs character.
I know we all loose our rags and out the words tumble but maybe if you could use this phrase or think of a suitable alternative it would help you in times of real pressure. I used it with my older daughter and it came naturally after a while.
Good luck :)
OMG just reading the book i was telling you about and got to this bit:
"One of my favourites is 'Screamy Mimi' by Robert Krause. Mimi screams until her Mom and Dad send her to New York for voice lessons. In the end Screamy Mimi learns to use her intensity as an opera star who performs at the Met!"
Better than a siren!
Gem
x
Wow, Tinkerbell2 did you hear that?! (read it?!) A sin
ger in the making! Do you take your little one to music and movement groups or anything like that?
Poppy10 I LOVE the idea of calling a child Bold rather than Naughty, I am going to pass that on to the parenting groups, I have never heard of it before, great! Thanks 
A goes to a music group once a week and a play ground also once a week- she's very much Bold indeed :) my bold beauty xx
Fantastic! Bold Beauty! That brings a smile to my face and I presume yours too!
You might be interested in this: Screaming & Screeching
Does the screaming get you pulling your hair out or are you able to completely ignore it?
I try to ignore her as much as possible but there is times when she just stands directly in front of me and screams for a minute or two straight- some times she has screamed so much that she gives herself an asthma attack but most the time I try to remove myself from the situation and ignore her so she isn't encouraged to carry on
I was talking to a colleague yesterday who mentioned that her granddaughter (who lives with her) has just ended her screaming phase, so I thought I would pass her tactics to you and also to hopefully give you hope that this will pass.
Anyhow, her grandaughter would just stand in the room and scream - not cry, just scream. So she would walk around her muttering, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Then her grandaughter took to throwing herself on the floor (we think to make it more dramatic!) and again my colleague would just step over her and carry on about her business. Once as she was about to leave the house, her granddaughter sat leaning against the front door screaming, so my colleague picked her up without looking at her and placed her on the sofa, then left with a 'See you at teatime' over her shoulder. She felt it was all a test, a power struggle and she needed her granddaughter to learn that whatever she does DOES not and WILL not phase her!
Easier said than done when it is just the two of you, I know
hi tinker bell my little girl the same, she is 2 half, she drives me mad,she screams in high pitched tone, she paddys, she hits me, she bullys the poor dog, she very demandin, i av to go in another room to m calm down, cos i dotn want to shout at er, im in tears most days, feel like cant cope with her, she whinges from when she gets up to goin bed, im at end my tether really,she deosnt sleep good, so im always tired, i always cant wait when she goes in nursery, a bit peace, is it same with ux
i also called my dawter the devil child, even now she paddyin and screamin, sumtimes i feel like walkin out the house,
Hello Kiera, so good to meet some one who's in the same boat. My A also hits anything & everything & her attitude is terrible, she's like a stroppy teenager and says NO to everything. Don't get me wrong we do have fun times too but when she's bad she makes everyone know about it.
i love this site as you get great advice however sometimes it's hard to follow it giving the situations. My family said to put her in cot when ever she's naughty but then I would never see her lol
I believe this is just a phase they will grow put out but it's very stressful when you hardly sleep and are doing it all as a single parent :(
hi tinkerbell, it is very hard when ur doin it on ur own, ive bin in tears yet agin today ,from when she as got up she as whinged and screamed and paddyed, she bites er brother,hits the dog, she in my bed, so not ad alot sleep, she nawtey all time, yes if i put er in cot id never see her , then she says soryy mummy and hugs me, very stressful, i dread takin er out, as she can paddy outside, i just want to get in the house, or if we go out for summat to eat she doesnt sit at table to eat, she messes bout with er food at ome as well, im fed up of it, wish er dad wasnt thug then he cud av er to giv me abreak, bloody hardx
They do say parenting is the hardest job in the world and sometimes it really feels like it, doesn't it?
I'm sorry you're both having such a hard time of it recently. Fingers crossed that it does prove to be 'just a phase' for both your daughters.
In the meantime please continue to post and let us know how things are going.
Hi kiera, I didn't realise that you were experiencing such difficulties with your daughter too, I am sorry.
Tinkerbell2, it is so hard especially when you are doing it alone and with all the best meaning advice, when it is just you and her, it is hard to stay calm, however it can be done.
A lot of it is learning to have confidence in your parenting, that you know what is best for your child and remembering that they are not an adult and Do Not understand logic, reason or anything else to do with their behaviour, they are acting out and we are letting them get away with it. I would really encourage you both to attend a parenting programme (click), they are brilliant.
My daughter used to have terrible paddy's kicking and screaming and banging her head on the floor, then I went to a parenting programme, met some new people, learnt some new techniques and basically felt a lot calmer, so was able to deal with her difficult behaviour better! It gave me confidence.
It is the best present you could you give yourself and your child.
Have a look on that article above to see if there are any running in your neighbourhood.
hi anna thanks for reply, well my little girl screams and paddys when i say no to her, this mornin she as screamed and paddyed, i wil do the parenting course if it wil help me sumtime si giv in to her for a bit peace
i wil do the parentin programe when i get sum peace, my little girl doesn giv me a minuite peace
Hi kiera, good for you! Is there a course at your local childrens centre?
It is not ok for our children to scream and paddy when we say No, this is carrying on poor behaviour and if we give in (which is completely normal for a quiet life) then they are learning that this behaviour works for them.
well this mornin my little girl ad paddys cos she didnt want me to hold er handnon main road, i ad pick er up kickin and screamin, was awful, yes its when i say no to er she screams and paddys, i dont no what to do , totally exhausted this mornin cudnt wait get er in nursery, go go p[ic er up soon,
Poor you, kiera, it is very draining. Of course she HAD to hold your hand on the road. My youngest was the same. I had some of those "reins" that you use when they are first walking outside. I took them with me and I said it's your choice, hold my hand or you are back on the reins. But it is really important not to shout, just say the same thing over and over again in a low calm voice. Another tip from me, when you have to pick them up, try putting them under one of your arms as if you were carrying a roll of carpet, that way if they kick, they only kick the air and not you.
when i say no she screams so lound and throws erself on the floor, what wud u advise i do, do i ignore er,
When my daughter was getting angry and throwing herself on the floor, I would kneel next to her, pick her up and hold her firmly until it passed. She would struggle and kick, but I would basically have her on my knee facing outwards so that she could hardly move. Then she when she would calm down, I would turn her around and have her at eye level and say in a low calm voice that it was not ok to kick and scream. She needs to do what mummy says. Do not act worked up, do not raise your voice, do not act phased at all. You are the one in control and you do expect her to do what you say.
Of course you can't do that in the street. I would have done exactly what you did, picked her up under my arm and carried on along the road. However as Louise says, it is important when she calms to stop, look her in the face and say that she has to hold mummys hand at all times when near the road.
iv espent most night cryin, jsut strugling with my little girl, im tired and cant cope with paddys and screamin, dont no wot to do
hello kiera, sorry you are so worn down by it all, they are exhausting at this age, what things have you tried so far?
distractions when u see a tantrum brewing sometimes work
today i was like ''oo look!! theres a spider!!''
tried it a few times and it worked!
hi thank for reply yes il try that, thank u
today i moved on to cats as she is interested now in cats!
'oo look!! cat over there? !' then once shes distracted , quickly praise and move onto something new
stops tantrum as it is developing !! gosh- the things we have to do!
Hi chocolate81, thanks for that, I will be interested to see if this tactic works for you kiera.
I have done this too, it was very effective, as long as I didn't do it too often! She would be screaming and I would suddenly be totally distracted by something else, as if my daughter wasn't kicking and screaming at all and say "Oh my goodness I don't believe it" and look out of the window. She would then come up alongside me and look out of the window too. Sometimes I would pick her up then and point into the sky and say that I saw the most beautiful bird and maybe it will come back, then we would stand there and wait for a minute or two. Of course the bird wouldn't come back and I could now suggest we get on and do something else.
kiera, I am wondering when you are cooking, cleaning etc, what is your daughter doing?
hi whan i am busy in kitchen she is in garden or watching tv, or sumtimes paddyin in kitchen, yes i tried tht distraction it worked, il keep doin tht,bin lovely all weekend so kids bin in garden
Hi kiera, I asked you that question as I was having a great discussion with a colleague the other day, who was telling me that she would get her child to get all the tins out of the cupboard when she was cooking and get them to 'clean them' and then put them all back in. Cleaning the tins consisted of wiping them with a tea towel (the tins weren't dirty, but it gave her son something to do!) and then he would put them all away again! This could take up to an hour sometimes!! Your child then feels helpful and is also kept busy too!
I bet it has been lovely in your garden too! I can imagine you out there with the children and your lovely mowed lawn!
My son used to do this, a lot when we were out and I'm sorry iv got no advice just sympathy, I never found a 'cure' it wasn't attention seeking more a habit but he did grow out of it
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