Seemed like the best place to go...

HI chaps, I just feel the need to share yesterday with people.

My X made an appearance out of the blue, first time in nearly two years, yesterday morning, luckily my sister noticed her skulking about the village when she was on her way to work, phoned me and so I locked all the doors and closed all the curtains. She found out where we live by telling some one in the village that she was the kids aunt.

I did a bit of phoning around and it seems that maybe her ongoing endeavours to get custody of her other child have not been going well. She wrote me a note that she put through the door which was all I love you and I made a mistake and it's all my fault, which is a new turn in her otherwise generally I hate you your a bastard I wish you'd just hurry up and die type of messages I've been getting for the last five years. It started off with I really need your help which conformed for me that she 's had some sort of negative outcome with her other child, at least I'm assuming anyway.

I called the police and logged the whole thing anyway.

The children have picked up on it all, luckily they were still asleep when she called the first few times, it was at about nine and so that's one consolation of letting my kids stay up till they drop, they lie in till eleven sometimes, at least my daughter does, my son is usually up before then and down stairs bleary eyed in front of the PC playing LEGO something or other, like some sort of computer game junky not eating, drinking nor sleeping just desperately griping the controller in his pail malnourished hands, just completing that one more level and please can I have some cake.

Ooops, got a bit carried away there.

The last time she knocked they had just started to get up and so they were witness to me crouching on the landing holding the dog trying to get it to stop barking and telling them to shhhh which is a pointless endeavour as when I do that they just want to know why and I am for ever saying shhhh doesn't mean talk quietly it means stop bloody talking, but they never listen.

Luckily she didn't hear, or at least I hope not.

Last night we didn't go to be till after twelve, I couldn't sleep and they were full of what if questions, that's my son, what if? what if? it's a stage he's going through, what if my head turned green and all my hair falls out, bizarre stuff like that but anyway last night it was all about what happens if she calls again, what if she smashes a window and stuff like that and so I asked them what they thought we should do and bless them but they said pretend we are not in and call the police. So! so much for P.A.S. which joking aside does concern me a bit and so I tried to explain that she isn't a bad person and that she isn't going to hurt them that supervised contact is only because she doesn't know how to love people properly because no one ever showed her when she was little.

My son finally fell asleep and me and my daughter watched 'There's something about Mary' which she loved which I thought was cool, she laughs when I laugh though she often doesn't know why but I suppose that's just the beginnings of her developing a sense of humour, laughing at what I laugh at.

But anyway, it's hard as an adult to sometimes understand what it all seems like to a child.

At one point yesterday my son explained that it hurt and he pointed to his heart, I put my hand there and it was beating away at a terrible pace, so he was obviously scared, I put him on my lap and he cuddled up to me for a bout fifteen minutes and then was full of questions. I try to answer them as best I can.

My daughter was silly in a sort of distractive way that she does when she is experiencing some sort of emotion that she doesn't quite understand and so she wants a cuddle but she doesn't but she does if you get what I mean and she giggles and wriggles and is distractive until she settles and cuddles up to me. My son when he gets like that becomes unsettled and wants a cuddle but he doesn't and does something distractive and negative which often results in him being sat down and explained to while his eyes wander about and do everything but look me in the eye which is what I'm asking him to do and everything I say floats in through one ear and out the other.

It's like they need time to let it pass through them and then be cuddled and reassured.

It's fascinating to watch them sometimes.

Cuddles cure most maladies of the heart and mind I think and the more you cuddle them the more their minds learn to produce endorphins and the happier they will be as adults, or so I read at least and coddles are nice anyway, so why not smother them in cuddles and kisses? I'm sure they'll ask me to stop when they are teenagers and I'm still there at the bus stop waving them off to school and asking for kisses and cuddles and they are sixteen and all their friends are laughing at them.

Anyway, now I feel nervous about going out and we need milk and bread and such. My sister has put the word out around the village and given everyone my mobile number, it's all charged which is a rare event, so should she appear in the village again hopefully we will be warned. The person who told here where we live is apparently full of remorse, I think she knocked on my door last night as apparently she wants to apologise but I didn't answer as I was taking no chances, I kind of feel sorry for her as she's a really nice pleasant women with a son in my son's class, and it's not her fault, my wife is very ingenious person when it comes to getting what she wants.

But later chaps and thanx for reading if you got this far. We are going to have to dress up in camouflaged clothing, smear burnt cork on our faces and stick twigs in our hair so we can go to the shops, crawling though the fields on all fours going shhh shhhh, no!! stop talking, be bloody quiet! and doing those faces and hand gestures parents do when they want to convey to their child in public places that should they continue in this manner there will be consequences of a severe nature when they get home. Doesn't work with mine but still I try.

:)

later and wish me luck on our mission to he shops.