Hi
I come across this site by chance, I was googling "lonely". Well I have a 13 yr old daughter whose father I married for a brief 4 weeks before he turned into someone unrecognisable. I was then on my own for 7 years as I was physically and emotionally scarred.
At the age of 30 I decided to study for a degree pt and thought about going into teaching. In my second year I met my lecturer, who I started to date. I know I was an adult, but on reflection I realise how vulnerable I was as I was in my student group and felt safe, he got into my safe zone and we started dating.
Our relationship then became one of circumstannces, I thought I loved him, but that was probably because of need and failing at my first marriage. Just before my little girls 2nd and 3rd birthdays we had a row (I don't do rowing) but he was being cross with my nearly 3 yr old. At the end of it I said "Maybe it's time you left then" and he did! He tells my girls that I kicked him out and now tells me I've made my bed and now I have got to lye in it! I went through my final pregnancy alone when he left at 7 weeks pg and laboured alone.
He decided to leave his job in the summer and sought a PhD scholarship as all he wanted to be was a Dr (not medical) which he is doing nearly 500 miles away. He turn up every other weekend, affording the flight and the hire car. He does not have the three children overnight, they don't want to stay and I wouldn't want my youngest to as he doesn't know him. He doesn't support the children financially and doesn't have to as he has become a student for 3.5yrs.
I get really wound up as my kids are upset for about 4 days after his visits every time. My mum is an angel and looks after my little ones every day as I have just (yesterday) finished my NQT year. I am exhausted and have decided to go part time in January. However, when I put my details into the turn2us site I now realise that I shall be paying to go to work and have decided that at Easter I will give up work and concentrate on being a full time mum. I have missed my babies first year as I went to work when he was 7 weeks old.
When I come home thats it, I don't go out, I have two precious hours with my kids before the three little ones go to bed then I tidy up the house before starting work again 8-2am. This had been my life for the past year. I don't go out socially as feel guilty asking my parents as they look after my kids all week so have lost contact with loads of people. I feel like a recluse. Teaching is like acting, you go in and put on a performance so you don't have to deal with your life. I am good at it, well so my reports have stated but I miss my kids and want to be part of their lives.
I do feel really alone, I am struggling to make ends meet, I am not going to meet another man, and at 37, I feel terribly sad at the thought of spending the next 30plus years alone. I love my children dearly and the thought of leaving them is why I am still here. I hope that I will be able to claim benefits and am not left with no money when I leave work at Easter.
Thanks for reading my essay, it's been nearly 2 yrs since my ex left my home and apart from my close friends and family I haven't offloaded any of this - I think it has helped just writing it down, thinking someone may reply.
Hi, Dawn is right you know, I read your other post and you are a very busy lady, all credit to you for doing so much and with 4 children 3 of them very young.
This is a great site, you will get lots of support on here.
Please keep writing down how you feel, it does help to offload it doesnt it?
Sending you lots of good wishes xxx
second time,
Please hang in there, your children need you far more than they need money. It is hard being on your own and feeling like you always choose the "wrong" type of man, lots of us on here feel that way, me included.
I am reading a book at the moment called SUMO(shut up and move on) it is very good, an easy read and explores why some of us wear the "victim" tee shirt etc, if you can get a copy please give it a go, it isnt too heavy and does have some humour in there, if you cant find it I will post the authors name tomorrow for you.
Please post again on here, Louise one of the moderators posts regularly and will reply to you soon, so please check for that xxx
Thank you for your replies, I have been reading about delayed pnd, I think it's time I went to the Dr's - but finding the time to go without my little ones as my Dr's is so hard to get an appt. Think thats why I still haven't been. I know my HV sent a letter, but when I had to take the kids and me the other day as we all had flu, they said nothing, just what an amazing job I was doing and it will be good when I go pt as I mentioned that was my intention.
I adore my children, but feel like I am failing as I like to do everything to 100% probably too much OCD. That is why I made myself complete my NQT year and now after the holidays will hand in my notice, it's just a shame it takes 3 months before I can leave!
I think this time of year makes it worse, although I am happier that my ex is not here, I wish that my children had the childhood I did with both parents. I know thats not always rosy but I cannot even go to the shops at this time of year after work as it is cold dark and I know my little ones would go to sleep on me after their hectic day. It's just having someone around that can help with the little things. My poor kids have had flu, viruses, cold and s&d for about 7weeks now, as they are so little they just keep infecting each other! I must have spent £12 a week on calpol and cough medicines as least. They are miserable - rightly so and not sleeping through the night. As I go to bed around 2 and get up at 6 my 4hrs a night sleep is pretty much non existant.
You can tell I don't get out, waffle on for hours!
Thank you for your kind words, I know it will get easier, I hae been there before, but I also know it got easier when the ex finally had enough of causing trouble and seeing his child and that took 5 years!
Hi second time
It is difficult isnt it when everyone says what a great job you are doing and you want to scream at them and say but what about me.
I have 5 children and when the 3 oldest were little I left my then partner when my little girl was only 4 weeks old so had 3 children under the age of 5, then I had a 4th child so I had a new baby, one at 14 months, an almost 3 year old and an almost 6 year old, the 2 youngest were like having twins as the elder one wouldn`t walk at all, double buggies were a nightmare, you know what its like.
I now have a 24 year old son, 20,17 and 16 year old daughters and a 9 year old son, 3 different fathers and have been on my own for a long long time, but I wouldn`t go back to the way things were ever, we have a happy ship here most of the time, my son and eldest daughter have moved out and both have great partners, my son has a little boy who is adorable.
Please dont give up, the rewards you will see from your children as they grow are so wonderful.
Do please make an appt with your GP, you dont have to suffer in silence.
The other thing to remember is that they do say, love will find you when you least expect it to.
I do hope that you will come back on here, it really is the right place for lots of support and group hugs.
Thinking of you xxx
ps the author of the book SUMO(shut up and move on) is Paul McGee
Hello second time
Welcome to One Space! Here you have found a friendly group with online support and information. It's great that you can talk with others that understand what you have been through, and continue to experience. Others will be along later today to say hello as well.
I am one of the Moderators here and am going to encourage you to seize control of your situation now. It is never easy but there is loads you can do to improve things, I promise you. I will put these in a numbered list for ease of reference, as there are a few links to click on!
1. GP. You must see your GP, even if this has to wait until after Christmas. Your parents would want you to look after yourself, even if it means another half hour's childcare
2. Never mind what your Health Visitor says about coping. Contact her and tell her you are not. Ask her to refer you to Home Start. This is an organisation that can provide you with a volunteer helper whilst you have children under five. This could be the lifeline you need. If your HV drags her heels, refer yourself
3. Have a good look at your finances, then contact our wonderful 1-2-1 Money Advice Service in confidence. They can help you with benefits, debts and all things moneywise. The children's father's student status will eventually be over and then you can also claim child support. They will be able to advise you about this too.
4. Emotionally it sounds as if you feel some guilt towards your little ones. I totally understand but as things stand you need to put all your energies into improving things on a practical basis right now. THEN you need to think about whether some counselling would help you make sense of everything you have been through. Have a look at The Freedom Programme. As for the future, you have lots of time to find a lovely partner if that is what you want, but first heal yourself and concentrate on your wonderful children
5. Remember The Samaritans are always there, 24/7, 365 days a year to talk with, especially when you are feeling that it is hard to carry on
Ok that is a long enough list for now! Stick with us and we can support you through this.
Thank you tired mum, it's comforting to know I can come on here and talk to people in the same position. Sometimes I worry that I moan too much and try not to.
Thank Louise i have visited all the links and got some useful information. At least I know that I should be entitled to Income Support when I leave work. I just hope they don't judge me that I am giving up a perfectly good job which some may say is good money, but by the time I pay out of £7k a year in childcare I may as well be doing a part time less involved job.
I am hoping to get some forms next week to see if I am entitled to any housing or concil tax benefit when my hours reduce in January, probably not but I wn't know unless I fill in the forms.
I do feel anxious a lot of the time and know when I shout at my kids that it isn't their fault so will make an appointment with Dr next week.
Thank you so much for your advice and information
Hi
Please, don't feel any guilt. You have absolutely no reason too. I do understand that feeling, however.
I'm on my own with four pretty much "old" children - my youngest is 11. I left my marriage in March 2004. I like to think we have lots of fun - they grow so quickly. I did have a b/f, but have concluded that it is easier on my own. I don't mind my own company, especially if it means life is less complicated.
I'm glad you have your parents there.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Hi secondtime. Welcome along to One Space. When I read your first post, I thought immediately how strong you came across, coping with little ones, working at the same time, plus houseduties of course. Your children need you, you're far more important than money. I would get to the Drs and speak to the HV and tell them exactly how you're feeling. Louise has given great links, and I'm glad you got to look at them. Once you've checked about benefits etc, worked out how you'll pay debts, CAB are brilliant at this too, then hopefully you'll feel better able to deal with things. It's always the unknown that is scarey I think. As for men, for now, I would say concentrate on yourself and your children. You've plenty of time for men to come into the picture.
Take care of yourself, as your children need their Mum.
Hi,
Nice to see you on the site. I think this time of the year is really hard for all of us without the 'tv perfect' lives! I was interested that you've just finished your NQT year - well done!! I've just completed my first term as an NQT and am finding it really tough. Like you I often wish i could see more of my child and didn't have to work so late in the evenings BUT as soon as the school holidays come round it all seems insignificant as I love having that real quality time with my child that i really would struggle to arrange if i was in a different job. I'm shattered as its close to the end of term and you must be too - maybe things will feel a little bit better when you've had a few easier days.
Finally congratulations on no longer being an NQT!!! thats a real achievement
x
Thank you so much, I have just been chatting to a friend I met on my Initial Tecaher training course, she is a lot younger than me (24) but we teach the same subject and chat every evening to offload our daily school life. I usually stick to safe topics but she knows me very well and I told her that I decided to do the Edinburgh test online to see exactly how pnd'd I was. Apparently anything over 10 and you should see your GP, mine is currently 22 :o( and whilst talking to her I was close to tears. I told her I feel a failure that I have to go and get happy pills, it will be my 3rd bout of pnd and it is always late after the child. According to the experts online a lot has to do with if you feed your child and when you stop the dramatic loss in hormone can be the nail in the coffin of coping. Having chatted to my friend it became clear that my baby boy gave me up when he was 11months old, he is now 13 months an since then I have been finding things harder and harder to deal with.
We also spoke at how angry and raw I still am over my ex who left in March 2009. I think it's because he doesn't leave us alone, turns up every two weeks, upsets my 4 year old who has spent the most time of her little life with him and he just expects me to provide eveything for their days out with them. Car seats, pushchairs, drinks, medicines as they have colds constantly. He doesn't have then overnight, he did have my girls for about 3 months when we split and he lived in the same town but now I don't even know where he stays when he visits and my kids want to sleep in their own beds. I don't know how I would cope if he had my little boy overnight?
Pinkgrapefruit, it is tough doing your NQT year on your own, I started in January this year, the worst term to start and I took over from a Head of Dept who had all the worst kids possible dumped on him. I nearly walked the first week as when I went in I had kids running around on the desks literally climbing the walls.
I handed my notice in twice up to the summer hols and was talked put of it. I am deemed to be an outstanding teacher lol which I still think is quite funny but being a teacher as you know is like acting, you can put on a different hat when you step through those school doors and it doesn't matter how tough your personal life is you are a different person. I have 330 students per week and sometimes wish I was a Primary school teacher rather than high school! My horrible class is still called my horrible class but I am fond of them and they are now Year 11 so am determined to get them to Easter and all their coursework done as they will go in May. My boss knows next term is my last for definite this time as working 3 days a week is the same as being on benefits and I will not be working til 2am! Will I ever go back to teaching - maybe, if I have the confidence to go back. I have achieved what I wanted to beome a professional after all these years and going when at the best of my ability. Unfortunately this has been at the sacrifice of being a mum, which is much more important, I want to get to know the mums at the school, my chldrens teachers, their day.
Thanks for reading and listening x
Hi second time
Yes, do ring the GP. Is it an emergency? yes: you are struggling to cope with day to day life and need to see someone in the next couple of days. You're not a failure if you end up with "happy pills". Would you tell someone with diabetes not to take their treatment, even though that treatment was designed to support what their body needed to function? I am guessing not!
Some of your depression may be hormonal, some situational, I don't know: I am not a doctor but what I do know if you need some support so that you can then cope with the situational bit and take positive action to sort things out with the links I gave you.
So many of us are good at putting on that happy face and coping demeanour when we are screaming inside. It is a real skill to learn to manage our emotions and to judge how much of them to reveal and release, but it is one you can learn. You have already taken the first step by reaching out to us: next, the doctor and we will see where we go from there
Take good care.
Hi secondtime. Totally agree with Louise. There is nothing wrong with taking 'happy pills' if you need them. Of course they aren't a magic cure, but they can certainly help. When the receptionist asks if it's an emergency, tell them yes. I do know some receptionists can be pretty hard to get past, but keep insisting until you get an appointment for today. Good luck, and remember to be totally honest with the GP!!
Well I called, and no I couldn't get it past as an emergency, loads of excuses like they had a Dr off so it had to be an extreme emergency
I am seeing the practice nurse on Friday, if I get to Friday, I am so grumpy with my kids and their behaviour. I wish I had the patience with them, but I have a moutain of washing and ironing and sorting to do before Christmas just so their old toys are moved upstairs before the next influx. They haven't got many as I cannot afford it, but as I have four kids the three little ones are big despite not costing a lot.
I have some of my anti-depressants left but they expired at the end of 2009. I don't know if they are still safe to take as each day is becoming a real struggle and I dread getting up and cannot wait til it's bedtime. Surely this is not normal. i usually have school to fill my days I don't know how I will cope when I am just a stay at home mum at easter.
I am putting a lot of faith into the 'happy pills' lifting the cloud that is permanently over me so I can cope with the day to day squabbles of my little ones :o(
Friday seems a very long way away.
Yes I can well imagine how far away Friday feels.
Please do not take the pills that were given to you before. Not only have they expired but you should only start such medication under the supervision of a health professional, well I am sure you know that really.
If you need someone to talk to, the number for your area is 01473 329100 to refer yourself for counselling, and don't forget the Samaritans 08457 909090.
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and we are all here for you, too.
Sending hugs and strength you way.
xxx
Hello second time
How are you doing this morning? I hope you managed to get some sleep (that makes such a difference) It is Wednesday now and each day you get through is a massive achievement. You are moving forward into 2011 with a new plan!!
I just wanted to say that I am still around over Christmas, as I work from home, so will be checking in every day to reply to messages and posts.
Can you give yourself a little treat today? Even a Kit Kat or a nice hot bath when they have gone to bed will help and be something to look forward to as a reward 
Hi Louise
I am not doing well, yesterday I took my girls to see their friend and stayed for a while chatting to their mum. But all I ended up doing was reliving the whole sorry nightmare of my ex and what we are doing over Christmas. As he now lives away he is spending the days at my mums (great! but it is for the benefit of the kids else where would they go?)
Today I went to see 2 friends I haven't seen for about a year since starting my NQT year. They have both had babies one is 9mths old the other is 4mths old and he has an older sister.
My friend told me I shouldn't give up work and go onto benefit as it is a job! Made me feel really guilty that I was going to be relying on the state to keep me. I have worked for 21 years and had about 2.5 year off in total one year on mat pay.
My other friend arrived and whilst she was in the kitchen with friend one her daughter told me they were staying for lunch. My kids were getting hungry so I decided to get all three of them ready and leave. I felt so out of place, like I had mothing in common with them.
I decided as the children had been good to buy McD, which, is a treat as I cannot afford it often. Two of my children fell asleep and on the way home I ran out of diesel on a busy road about a mile from home. It was cold, the only day I haven't taken a coat out, my car showed it had a quarter of a tank left.
I opened my contact book and there was noone I could ring who would come and help eme except one. Bless her she came with diesel and gave me a huge hug (which made me break down - not the best place) she is going away tonight but said we will get together when she is back.
Hi
Loads of hugs coming your way.
It took a long time for the anger to subside with me. I know it is still there too, and when The Git is in contact, I know I'll get on edge. I have had many rants on here, as here I know I'm not alone.
How awful for you running out of diesel! I'd have been in tears. Thank goodness your friend was able to come, and lovely to have a hug too. I would have needed one too.
Making a Will is such a good idea when you are a lone-parent. I have to say I never did ask the children but decided who I felt capable of looking after them. I seriously doubted The Git's mental state for such a long time, and now clearly he has no time for them. In a way, it's been a relief for eldest to reach 18 (he's now 19), as he is in the Will to be gaurdian. He does know and agrees to this. He also knows he'd have my bedroom! (He shares with his two brothers.)
I'm so sorry your children feel rotten. Colds really do upset them. You must be so tired too.
Don't worry about what the nurse says. Book your son in for when he is well. It doesn't need to be Christmas eve if you have things to do - or a film to watch together.
Were you able to make an appointment for you?
I'll often be logging on too - as I'm sure you notice! Life can be lonely even with a houseful of children.
Please take care. Be happy with the choices you're making, knowing that you are making them for all the right reasons. I worked for 22 years before going onto benefits, and do understand how you're feeling. However, having time with the children for the first time (oldest was 12 when I left) has been really good.
We're all here for you.
xx
Hi second time
Please dont let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what you know is right for you and your children, its always easy for someone else to say oh do this or that but they are not you.
It is only a couple of days now till Christmas and I think we are all feeling the strain in one way or another, for some its financial for others its families and for others it can be the loneliest time of year.
Please try to be as positive as you can, its hard but you are a very strong lady, that shines through in everything that you write on here.
sparklinglime is always around on here as I am, I tend to be on till quite late as I dont sleep too much, please do keep posting, you are not whinging or moaning you are offloading and thats a good thing to do, we will always reply to you, I will be here on Christmas day too, probably after the morning rush and definitely in the evening.
Sending you a big hug and thinking of you xxx
Hello again
What a nightmare, to run out of diesel like that. That sounds dreadful and absolutely the last straw. Glad you were able to be rescued.
There is nothing to feel guilty about taking some time off from work with your little ones. I wonder how many thousands you have paid into the system during your many years of work? and now all you are doing is having a little of it back. And no-one else's opinion matters anyway! I expect the person who said that has just no idea of how hard things have been for you.
It is understandable to feel really low when it is so cold and the children have all been ill (it can feel like a long, dark tunnel sometimes, can't it?) and every day you get through is a massive achievement. The thought of you not being there will be a scary one for your children, they need you and you will find the strength to get through and to improve your life, if only for them at the moment, rather than for your own sake; that will come later as you get through this very bad patch. Whilst it is good to have a will as a lone parent, chatting with the girls about what they would do if you went to heaven may upset and frighten them, although I totally understand why you did this. Things WILL get better; you have taken the hardest step by admitting it to yourself and us and the next step is the medical help.
It sounds as if you are sometimes talking with friends and they are not always appreciating how you are feeling. Your rescuer will be back after Christmas so that is something to look forward to. In my experience we all have people in our lives that are boosters and people that are drainers. By that I mean that some people just make us feel wrung out. Try to identify them and avoid them! The new you will be looking for friends who are boosters! Your online friends on here are boosters and so is your rescuer friend.
I also understand that you feel frustrated that your ex is going to your mum's (but good that the children will be safe and warm and hey! you will get a little break WOW) You are doing so well to get through this. Never mind about the children's injections, you need to be able to speak to the Practice Nurse in private so cancel their appointments unless someone can come with you and sit in the waiting room with the children while you go in, If this is impossible then write down very succinctly how you are feeling and what you want to say to the nurse and just hand her the letter when you go in. (I remember when I was very low some years ago, I was unable to speak to the doctor out loud so I did this)
One thing at a time. Sparkling lime has a saying and that is "Take baby steps" and she is right. One baby step at a time and you will get through this.
Thinking of you.
Hi secondtime. What an awful day you've had, I'm so sorry. Running out of petrol must have seemed like the last straw for you, and thankfully your friend was able to come out, and give you a hug too. When kids are poorly, it can also bring you down. I'm sure too, being so young and close in ages, they must bicker a lot, (which is normal of course) but something you don't feel able to handle right now. The excitement of Christmas too makes them more hyper I think. Are you able to snuggle on the settee with them all and just watch kiddies programmes with them? The housework can wait, don't worry too much about it, though I know that's easier said than done, as I'm way behind with mine, and I've been nagging for two days!!!
Like Louise and Sparkling, I'm also here regularly, and pop in and out everyday, so please keep posting. You're not on your own. I know it's not the same as real contact, but we do understand.
As for you claiming benefits next year. Take no notice whatsoever what people say. It is your life, you're not sponging off anyone. You do what you have to do for your children and you. Take care, not long til Friday. I hope the children are a bit better tomorrow.
Thank you so much for your replies, it means so much to me having people that actually do understand. The friends I saw today have loving husbands, fantastic jobs (ones a lawyer) and one or two children. I guess I am a bit envious that they have the dream.
I guess I just feel like I have been struggling for 14 years, I have just got my life back together paid off the debt and then met my ex. I know children are meant for a reason, it's just sad that they cannot have two parents at the same time and I know it is definitely affecting my 4 year old as she was just under 3 when he left (or he tells her when I kicked him out). Having been through this once I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it took years for my last ex to stop causing trouble and threatening me with the court of human rights because he thought he was paying too much csa. I stopped it all in the end and he stopped visiting. The thought of going through 5 years of this with this ex feels me with dread as he turns up every two weeks - I think that is why I cannot heal.
I know my friendship groups are probably in the process of changing and when I leave work I am hoping I will be confident enough to take my little ones to parent groups. I am confident in my own established places but do not likegoing into new places. Even at the school I feel a bit of an outsider as it is my mum who has built up all of the relationships with other mums. I really felt today like I don't fit in anywhere, watching my life unravel around me.
I was all set to do my marking tonight and still might, as, I too do not sleep and bedtime is usually at 2am.
I would take the children to the GP with me. My Mum used to help me a lot, but she died when my oldest was 5, so after that, I had no choice.
I never felt bad, as I felt the GP then had to take notice of how my life was even though I was ill. I was married, but he left the house at 6am, back after 7pm (I'm sure I'm repeating myself now, sorry).
Please don't feel bad about feeling envious of couples either - I know I feel the same. I just know my life is easier as it is (although probably had to go through things with friend who's now pushing it, who was my boyfriend) to realise this.
One thing about doing this year, no one can take your training or experience and determination away from you. You have achieved so much - even if it is marking at 2am. Pinkgrapefruit, I know, has found it does take over your life.
Try to get as much as you can out of today. I do random dancing around the kitchen. The children used to laugh, but now they're getting on a bit, they laugh and leave the room!
Hi secondtime. How are you feeling this morning? Did you get the marking done? Do try and get some rest, at least when the kids are in bed. Have some 'me' time, you deserve it.
You will soon build up friendships with the other Mums at the school, so don't worry about that one. Perhaps even though you'll be there, your Mum could still go along, and introduce you etc. I don't like going into new places either, no confidence and all that. One of the Mum's from my son's school made me laugh when we first really got to know each other. She told me she was envious of me, as I had loads of confidence!!!! Must be the way I walk, hehehe.
Hope the children are feeling better. Do you have plans for today? Take care
Hi second time
Hope you are feeling a little brighter this morning
I was wondering if there are any support groups in your area for single parents? Is it worth googling and seeing what you can find? I know they aren`t everyones thing but it could be a way for you to get out and meet a few people.
I do hope that your day is as good as it can be.
Thinking of you xxx
Hi second time
How are you tonight?
Are the little ones better?
I hope that tomorrow goes well for you and that you manage to speak to the nurse about how you are feeling.
Thinking of you xxx
Hello second time
How are you doing? Hope you get some progress with your appointment today. Are the little ones' colds any better?
Hi secondtime. I really hope you managed to have a good chat with the Doctor today. How are you feeling?
Hi secondtime
Hope it went well for you today. How are you feeling tonight?
Are the little ones feeling better now?
I really hope that you have as good a Christmas as you can, please know that we are all her for you should you need to offload or just have a chat.
Take care of yourself, thinking of you xxxx
Best wishes from me as well.
Hope you do enjoy today.
xxx
Hi secondtime. I hope you've had a good day with the children. With all the excitement of today, you might be able to put them to bed a bit earlier, and have some special 'me' time. Do take care.
Hello second time
Just to let you know we are all thinking of you; how are you doing?
Hi secondtime,
How are you tonight? I hope that you are ok and that the last couple of days have been as good as they can be for you.
xxx
xxx
Hi everyone
I hope you all had a good Christmas. Mine was OK surprisingly, my mum was amazing and made it so I wasn't near my ex or alone with him at all. I have been to see the nurse practitioner and she has given me a prescription (stronger than I had before) side effects are they make me feel sick in the evenings but I am definitely 100 times calmer.
My poor children are still coughing and the nurse has said if they don't get any better to take them all to see her again as they will need a full health review. I am keeping them away from anyone with flu as their immune systems are all so weak at the moment I don't want them getting anything more serious.
They had a fab day on Christmas day spending a lovely relaxing morning with me before going to my parents and seeing their father.
I know it is going to take time and I know I need to resolve a lot of things before I come off my tablets else I will be straight back where I started. I am more positive about finishing work at Easter,, although part of me would like my employers to fight to keep me, but I know that won't happen. I am hoping 2011 will be a more positive year where I try not to get angry about the ex.
Thank you so much for your support, I am so glad I found this site. Hope you have all had a good few days.
L x
That is so lovely to read.
I'm glad you've seen the nurse, and glad you're feeling calmer.
I really hope the children stop coughing soon.
Best wishes
Hello second time
Good to hear from you and to know that things have started to improve and you can see your way more clearly into 2011. Great that you had a good Christmas-hooray for your Mum- and let's hope the children's coughs improve soon, I know that others have experienced this same long term coughing and it often means bad nights, which then makes everyone more tired.
You have taken the hardest steps, which were to ask for help and then take action to start to improve things. It won't happen overnight but you're on the right path now. That's FANTASTIC, well done! 
So it's nearly 2011 and I just don't want to enter another year 
going through the same stuff.
Any day can be a new start, and don't put yourself under pressure as we hang up another calendar.
Today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday. Just another way of looking at it, with the "one day at a time" glasses on.
You will get there. I still have bad times after all these years.
Loads of hugs.
Hi secondtime
Glad to hear things are a little better for you
Happy New Year to you xxx
Hi secondtime. Here's hoping 2011 will be a better year for you. Wish the children better too. Glad you all had a good Christmas.
Happy New Year. Take care.
x
Hello There
And I just read your essay and some of the things you said hit home - about having a controlling relationship with a man. Yes it does knock your confidence and self esteen doesn't it. Hang on in there as you may meet another man - it is not and never too late - how ever, if you don't mind me saying - why not focus solely on your chidren, you sound like you are doing an amazing job and so why would you need a man in your life at this time ! You are your children's rock and you will get amazing pay back for being there. Well I am probably rambling and basically want to say you are not alone. All the best
Dawn an older mum to L