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Hi everyone, just joined to voice my thoughts somewhere and find out what others think about this. My child is over 7 and I have been on Income Support since his birth so I could be his primary carer. However now they have changed the law, so I have had to go onto Job Seekers Allowance because he is over 7. I think it's ridiculous to be honest, because there are extremely few jobs within school hours. Yet we still have to be seen to be looking for work! I'm just glad we have the right to say we are only willing to work a maximum of 16 hours a week, and these hours have to be within school time, thank goodness for that! Big relief we aren't being forced to find full-time work, or even part-time work which is outside of school hours. I want to be home for my child when he needs me. I just feel really sad about being moved onto JSA. Income Support was ideal. Now there is all this pressure from the Job Centre Advisers to 'look for work' when there are hardly any jobs out there that fall within school hours. It's really stressing me out having to go in there face to face with someone putting pressure on me every other week, it should be less often! Too much pressure and intensity to find a job which im very unlikely to even find, and there's all this fear about whether they are going to say im not looking hard enough and then talk to me in an intimidating way. It's really humiliating going in there every fortnight, I get so nervous the day before it's horrendous. All because I know they hold my money in their hands, they could stop my benefit if I don't turn up or haven't 'job searched' enough that week. I honestly feel really scared at this point for the future. I've been on JSA now for 7 months. Dare I ask what horrible things they do to you when you've been on it for longer than that? Is there a cut off point? I know they send you on a job course or something....when is that? Will it be during school times? I heard you sit in a room with others from 9-5 mon-fri doing job searches! It's unbelievable, we shouldn't have to be on JSA in the first place while our children are at school and too young to look after themselves. Really could do with some supportive words and advice on this whole thing, im scared to death quite frankly and feel like something terrible is going to happen if I stay on JSA much longer, when realistically I could be on it for YEARS looking for a job within school hours....is that what everyone else is expecting too? I just don't understand what the Job Centre expects us to do as single parents 'looking for work'... please help
POSTED BY: BUBBLEGUM, POST MOVED BY MODERATOR, as original query has been merged
Hi!
I'm in the same situation as you, my youngest just turned
seven. Personaly I don't really want to work untill they are around
fourteen (seven and eight at the moment)
Try not to worry about
it, just always be polite and friendly at the job center and do what
they ask within the constraints of your agreament. Try to 'make friends'
with who ever you have to deal with there.
It's very easy not to get a job, do a google for something like 'how not to get a job'.
There aren't very many jobs about anyway, and lots of aplicants for the ones that are available.
The
worst thing you can do is get into confrontation with the JSA staff or
the staff of any of the agancies that they contract you out to.
I
just recently expresed my fears to my advisor at the JSA, the fact that I
stress and find it hard to sleep during the days running up to my
signing on day and she basicaly told me not to worry and in a round
about way said that so long as you 'play the game' do what they ask, go
on the courses, then you are OK.
Don't worry about it, they can't make you take jobs that arent there.
One
good thing is that as a single parent (as in not much social life) you
get to meet lots of interesting people and socialise and meet people in
similar situations as your self on all the courses and 'programs' they
send you on : )
Don't worry!
Thanks Louise I have posted in the second linked thread you gave me, very informative I read every word. And nice, although sad too, knowing others like bubblegum are in a similar position.
I saw an advisor yesterday at a meeting. It really annoyed me the cheek of her to put pressure on me to find relatives to babysit my own child when they work full-time and would refuse (rightfully so, they've finished raising their children and shouldn't be the ones raising mine! -although the ones who do choose to help in that way are great, I feel it's a shame grandparents are put on so much to do it) The advisor should have just suggested it as an idea and not said it in such a pressuring manner or gone on about it for as long as she did. It's not an option for me and when I said that at the beginning, she should have dropped it.
It's easier for mums who have a partner to help out, where they can juggle the childcare, work opposite shifts, one work days while the other works nights, or one work weekdays while the other works weekends etc I do know of couples who do this...but as lone parents it isn't an option. We're kind of stuck.
Why isn't there a different way of handling it all for lone parents? We are being bunched together with single people who have no children or childcare responsibilities who are also claiming JSA...when we should be treated VERY differently as our situation is completely different to theirs. So frustrated and disappointed with the system to be honest. There should be a seperate system in place specifically for single parents! Or perhaps a different benefit for single parents entirely!? Isn't that what Income Support was for? They should bring it back for us.
Hello nikita007
Glad you found the threads helpful, sometimes it is just better to know that you're not alone.
When the auhorities needed women to work (during World War Two) there was suddenly a huge amount of childcare provided to make this possible. Of course it disappeared afterwards but it just goes to show what it is possible to do. However I hear of systems in other countries where babies can be in regimented care including overnight, and I think "but really they need to be with their parents"....and so I have lots of different feelings on the subject
Children should be with their parents, at the very least one of them. They should go to school and come home to... a parent! They need a stable home life of love and attention... I read a quote recently that went, "Children spell LOVE... T.I.M.E."
I 'survive' on benefits, my chldren don't have the latest of very much but they do have me and they are generaly happy, happy in the sence that they windge on about stuff from time to time like all kids, but happy.
I think that all this thing about single parents and benefits and the changes have been brought on by the same people (and I'm going to say media, media like main stream press) who also moan on about the breakdown of society and blah blah blah.
Well! producing a generation of kids, from single parents who have it hard enough anyway, who grow up in creches being shunted from people to people so their parents can get jobs... is just going to eccentuate the issue.
I'm not saying I have the right to loundge about doing nothing, but supprise, supprise! I dont! I try to maintain a house and look after my kids and feed them and fill their days with interestng stimulating things to do, teach them what is right and what is wrong, hopefully send them off into the world with a sence of compassion and tolerance and a determination to make the most of their lives.
And! most people didn't choose to be single parents, I know I didn't.
P.S. I wish you would kick your technical chaps up the bum and get them to sort out the fact that I can't right click and use spell cheker in google chrome when writing posts, it deters me from posting!
Though maybe that might be a good thing.
: )
well said bubblegum, agree with you 100 % that parents should be there for their children, my daughter said to me yesterday (6yrs old) " when im in school i really miss you i feel like my heart is breaking" awww my heart broke when i heard her saying that and it just makes me more determind to be there for my children.
Sometimes they say things that make you want to squash them : )
Yes they do dont they!! They have their wobbly moments that make you want to scream but its all worth it. How long have you been a single parent?
It will be seven years January the 14th (I remeber it well) they are seven and eight, soon to be nine : )
Someimes I think my parenting days are numbered as my son already knows everything and I appear to be just an obstical between him and a life of eating sweets and cakes, playing computer games twenty four hours a day and wearing what every he wants, irrespective of it's suitablity to the ocassion. Though my daughter has told me that she intends never to leave home and is going to live with me for ever, I told her she's going to have to start wiping her bum more often, changing her knickers more regularly and flushing the toilet if she thinks that's going to happen.
So maybe I do still have some uses.
They make me laugh and they make me think of my parents with that whole thinking they know better thing. They say things sometimes and I reply with things my parents said to me and then I think why did I bother to say that, it's not like they will understand untill they have kids them selves.
But I love them and they fill my life with joy... generally : )
Hi everyone 
,
I agree with the comments made here. I would also like to add that lone parents should be able to restrict their available hours for work until their youngest child is 16, not 12.
I think it is sad that the most important job of all, bringing up children, has become so devalued in this country.
Ahh Bubblegum, your family sounds a very happy one which i do believe is down to you being there for them , yes i have them moments too where i have repeated to them what my parents use to tell me and you stop in your tracks and think that at the time when i was a child i use to think what are you talking about!!!!
Lovely thread...
Bubblegum, there isn't a thing wrong with your spelling. xx
Sparklinglime! maybe your spelling is as bad as mine and you are in fact the only person who understands what I'm writing : )
Trying hard! do your's role their eyes as they walk off? : )
I quite often finish an 'on the stairs descussion' and look at them and realise they didn't understand a word I was saying. At least that can be the only explination for the fact that they generaly repeat what ever it was I was explaning I didn't want them to do anymore.
My only consolation is that they will one day have children them selves (I hope) and maybe then one day they will do what I did with my dad and phone me up one morning out of the blue and say thank you : )
I can hope.
Good enough mum! I agree!
: )
Yes Bubblegum, they quite often roll their eyes , my daughter more so she is such a little madam! My oldest hes 14 he often scowles and looks at me like im from another planet!! and my youngest(my baby) hes 3 is at the arguementative stage which he thinks is funny. I just wish i could chat with my dad now hed think it hilarious that im repeating what he use to say to me i often think if my dad could hear me now!!!
Hi
I agree to the point that a child always needs a parent to be @ home when they get back from school and 9 times out of ten I am. However my youngest is 10 and goes to a childminder before school as her son attends the same school as I have to be at work for 8 and sometimes dont finish til 4. There arent a lot of jobs that fit round school hours and they shouldnt push single parents out to work when their child reaches 7 as it makes things hard esp if you havent got anyone who can look after the child. Luckily I do get on with my ex and his partner so he has the kids if im stuck but has them often for the weekend. I love my kids more than life but I do like to work too so I can now get them things and have regular money coming in as it teaches the children morales and they are more than happy with the new situation as they see their dad when they want and as we are not together has helped them deal with the separation easier. x
Hi funkyfairy
You sound as if you have everything organised really well
I became a single parent when my boys were eight and three and became the family breadwinner from that moment and also went to college to skill up for it BUT I was lucky that the jobs I found were ones that were quite often flexible and also there was a decent after school club here and I had a couple of good friends who would help out with childcare, and were glad of an extra tenner here and there, so I took the same route you are doing and I do believe it has given my boys a strong work ethic.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks appears to be decent childcare. Another seems to be that there is no recognition in the system that people might need to study to prepare for certain careers. I also think that the work focused interview system that has been lumbering on for years was very unsatisfactory.....imagine how good it would have been to have an interviewer that said to you "In two years your income support will stop. Let's have a proper look at things that will help you" and have all the info on local courses, voluntary opportunities (fitting round school times) grants and career paths....instead of which the interview was a dire, box-ticking process.
Of course, people who become single parents when their youngest is already seven will not benefit from this forward planning but at least if there was proper information avaialble then it would help!
Hi Louise,
There should be more help towards single parents with regarding childcare and finding work. The goverment want more people off benefits but they dont make it easy for us. When I was still with my ex he claimed income support for me and as the tax credits werent in our benefits as it was back in 97 it was still all included with our dole so this is really new to me. The jobcentre said I would be entitled to 67.50 a week and have to apply for child tax, well all I can say is thank god I got a job as Id never of managed as the tax credits take so bloody long. My children are 14,12 and 10 so it makes it easier for me as my eldest is responsible enough to mind her brother should it be an emergency but most ppl arent so lucky. My youngest goes up to seniors next sept so that will make things a bit easier. Im really sure bubblegum is doing a great job and they sound a happy bunch bless them but I love my job and couldnt be stuck at home all day I mean theres only so much housework you can do lol x
Ps The schools should help more too as they charge so much for their afterschool clubs which I think is unfair. @ least if its a single parent family you shouldnt be charged so much. My sons school dont have either :( even the breakfast club would be a start by opening up @ 7.30 as some ppl like myself have to leave for work @ 7.45. Good on you going the college and finding suitable jobs I bet it makes you feel better having regular money and gives you so much more confidence wouldnt you agree.
Yes, we are all different and I do think we should have choices, including to be at home till they are a bit bigger. I chose to work but that's just me.
Childcare is expensive all round, if you ask me! and of course I was lucky that I came back onto the job market a few years ago before things got tough. I came a cropper a couple of times, the very worst time of all was when youngest was ill but I could NOT get out of something at work (long story; would have got out of it if humanly possible) and I had to take him to work and make a bed up for him in the next room for a couple of hours while I did what had to be done, he just dozed and was warm and comfy but I felt so guilty.....But on the whole they have been fine.
Things WERE much simpler when income support covered single parents up to when the child turned 16. While older children do not require such expensive intensive childcare, I'm finding that teenagers bring different sorts of problems. Where I live, it is very easy for kids to get caught up in trouble. I dread to think what would have become of my son had I not been at home for him when he came in from school. I could meet my parental responsibilities of effectively disciplining him when needed, by grounding him and so preventing him from rampaging around with the local gang.
In spite of my best efforts, I never succeeded in getting one of the very few school-hours jobs. It didn't used to worry me so much as I simply filled the time doing other things such as working on the community regeneration project, and voluntary work. I observe that single parents, far from being parasitical pariahs loathed by the media and government, actually do a fine job of holding the fort and keeping communities intact. We contributed to "the big society" before the term was invented by Cameron. Why then is there such relentless pressure to make us feel useless unless we are in PAID work, and to spend all our hours chasing non-existent jobs?
"Non-existent jobs" is certainly the case, harissa.
I have just joined this site and have just turned 50. I have 5 kids 16yrs and under. I had to start claiming JSA in April this year. I get tired, cranky, worried, scared and go through many other emotions due to just going through the menopause. Now the government want me to look for work!! My youngest will be 9yrs next month and hes not the most academic child in the world. I was looking forward to claiming my pension in 10yrs now ive to wait another 6yrs on top of that...
I dont need the added stress that the government has put on me. I have already written to my local MP on this matter and he is in full agreement with me in that the government hasnt thought this through thouroughly enough... As single mums we should get a petition together and present it to 10 Downing Street.
There is an awful lot of pressure, I agree. With regards to a petition, I did try but I don't think it went very far. Don't actually think it would do any good anyway. Sorry that you too are feeling the pressure. It's terrible isn't it
Hello ladies and gents
As single parents we all have different ideas of family life and how hard it can be rasing are children on are own.
After what happened to me i could of sold up got a council house and stayed at home waiting for the kids to come home, but i already had a job and a nice home and my self respect would not let me do it i still wanted my job life style i wanted to work and would do any kind of job.
Yes it is hard finding a good decent childminder or child care and do miss picking the kids up from school and being there when they get home but that does not seam to of affected my children in any way, there just happy that they have one stable responsible parent in there lives.
Yes we have chidren and yes we all love them but some times you need a life of your own and you can be there for them and also get a social life to, yes its not easy i know but there gonna grow up one day and fly the nest and then where do you go.
It the sacrifice you have to take sometime that your job in not around the school hours but you have to work with it mine 8.30 till 5, but thats are routine now and it works for us.
Stuart
Yes that's right, stuart, we all manage in our different ways
Hello butterfly_5522uk, welcome! I am 51 and have had the same thing re the pension! (and the menopause! do go and see your GP if you are experiencing symptoms, there are lots of different remedies including herbal) You will only be expected to look for 16 hours work a week, which is two days. One of the main problems is that there are so few jobs around. What sort of work are you interested in?
It is good to know someone else is my age and finding it tough.. (long story).. I would be happy to get into almost anything but I am really interested in helping ppl with consumer law and benefits rights..... I do try to keep up to date with all of it but it is really frustrating. I was doing a computer course but had to stop as I ripped the muscles in my arm and it is taking time to heal.
I know everyone is finding it really hard in England, Scotland and Wales but here in Northern Ireland it is even worse. Most of the part time jobs go to young mums with one or two kids or the part time jobs go to couples with one already in a full time job which means they can afford to take up the child care places.
As for the menopause and the doctor being of any help ..... been there got a pat on the back and shown the door... lmao (im coping with it really well)
Stuart:- I have the greatest respect for any single dad who gets on with things.... keep going...
Hmmm butterfly_5522uk
Maybe you need a new doctor! Is there anyone else in the practice? Have a look at this NHS info site as well (click the link). Also worth a look is the website for the Citizens Advice Bureau in Ireland, as they may have some voluntary opportunities for you. Finally you might be interested in our free online Ways into Work course.
I know that finding work and new opportunities is never easy but I also know that 50 seems to be that magical age where this becomes harder, that is why I suggested voluntary work as a way in, and also I think you would find it interesting
Hi again... thanks for your suggestions... I already have a contact in my local CAB office and as soon as I am ready I have to go for a 2 day course then I will be a volunter here... Hope everyone else on here has some luck with work etc
Hi nikita007
You express concerns shared by a lot of parents on this board. I would suggest that as well as any replies you get on here, you also read this thread on Benefit Changes and also this one, which gives lots of info and views on The Work Programme.