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I don't know how people do it?
Im so lonely at the minute, my life is constant stress, and I can't remember the last time a male said anything nice to me!
But Im so lonely and really would love someone to share things with, just a conversation or a dinner, or a night out!
But I don't go anywhere! Im always poor, so can't go anywhere to meet anyone, and all my friends are coupled with family so even if I could get out they probably wouldn't want to, or are usually busy!
It been weeks since I last spoke to one of my closest friends!
My mum keeps going on about how 'You'll never meet anyone, in your backgarden'! lol!
I know single mums but not well, and they always seem to be with a Boyfriend!!! WHERE DO THEY FIND THEM??
I wish sometimes to meet someone really nice, but Im also scared of the thought of getting involved with someone, because I'll get hurt! (I have zero confidence)!
Plus my 2 sisters are gorgeous, so even if I am in a social environment, I don't even get spoke too, lol!
I sad to think Ill be on my own forever! :(
I think you made a valid point here sparkling, You don't look too far ahead.
Wildflower, it sounds as though you are feeling really down at the moment, I know you have 2 small children and you are at college and I think in the past we have talked about volunteering, but right now I think you need to give yourself a break.
Life will change and move on, how about for now, try to focus on the positives? You are doing an awful lot, be kind to yourself. Don't compare yourself to others, give yourself little treats, talk to yourself like you would expect this 'special person' to.
When we are kind to ourselves and treat ourselves nicely, others seem to follow suit.
Hello, I do agree with what Anna has said and I also want to add the key to finding partner is to make plenty of friends. The more things your are involved with, the more things you get invited to....all these things increase the chance of meeting a new partner and in that respect your mum is right. Of course there is Internet dating too though you do have to take extra care with this (see our article here)
However, spending more time with people in general will probably be fun in itself. See our article about Making New Friends
hi all,
i get these feelings a lot as a single parent too, i often pre-judge men aswell e.g. why would they want to be with me, i have little friends, little moeny, single mum etc,
I find it hard to even smile at men, particularly the ones i like ....
I'm having one of those down days today too :(
im same im year out bad relationship, bin goin thru court last yr, last eharin august thasnk god, im to wary to meet anyone and scared yes i admit it, im single mum,
I believe raising confidence is a huge part of attracting a decent partner. Loving ourselves, treating ourselves kindly, having firm boundaries and being assertive.
So for a lot of us, we need to take time out from relationships to build our inner strength, confidence and belief.
You could spend the next 12 months focussing on you, make it a project. Get a new hobby, do something you have never done before, go out for walks, talk to someone you never usually would. Start to like yourself more. A decent relationship will follow, but you need to have a decent relationship with yourself first.
oh my god - absolutely :)
and i'm glad iv'e had a reminder of this. This next year is absolutely a project for myself, and i'll look forward to it,
thanks anna x
Ooh pink lilly I look forward to hearing how your project grows! What will be on the list of things for you to do for you?
*concentrating on my body, in terms of eating well, exercising and spiritual/relaxation.
*Trying new things e.g. food/social groups/activities/places to go.
*mentally - looking forward and learning more and more, that i CAN do things and that i WILL achieve things if i want to.
*Attending events that i'm asked to go to, that i usually would say no to.
* basically - doing things out of the ordinary and seeing where it takes me.
* oh and lastly, im looking forward to counseling, so that i can finally heal and more on with MY life, as a mum and otherwise.
What a fab list! I reckon we can all take something from that...it is very positive but also I like the way that it covers different aspects of your life. Have you got some counselling arranged then?
ok, so I know this is Walt Disney motivational talk, but I think this says it all!
yes - very true anna, sometimes it can be painful/very difficult to break those boundaries and learn, but as long as you more forward and continue thats the important thing.
And yes louise, i have counselling arranged.
Ah very true, Anna
Glad you have the cousnelling coming up, pink lilly, you have coped so well with so many changes over recent times and now it is time to process them so you can feel more settled in your mind
Thanks for all the replies, don't think Im going to meet anyone soon. And I know I need to improve my own self first. But its really hard at the minute to think positive!!! Im so self-conscious all the time, zero confidence, and like Pink Lilly said, I just think, I havent got anything going for me (no friends, no positive people around me, no work,) ... Trying to snap out of it, but the kids are going to there Dads tomorrow, so I know Im in for a lonely, frustrating weekend! I can't even do anything with them today, cus Im skint ... IM SICK OF FEELING MISERABLE!!! *crying again, grrrrrr*
...I know I wouldn't be bothered if other areas of my life were good, but my life just don't seem to be moving at all lately! x
Hi Wildflower, often things are difficult because we can't or won't accept them. You are trying to control something that you can't control which brings frustration.
Easier said than done, but we always have a choice whether to be happy 'in the moment'
Do you know the book by Louise Haye " You can heal your life"?
It changed my life, it is about positive self talk, recognising what you want to change and accepting what you can't change.
You have the weekend to yourself. You can see this as lonely and frustrating couple of days ahead, or you can see it as the first days of the rest of your life. You can choose how you view it.
Once we open the door to acceptance and gratitude for what we do have, then other things come in in abundance.
HI anna and wildflower,
i feel the same wildflower a lot of the time, but im training myself to think more positively and slowly but surely, more positive things are happening,
Iv'e had a difficult day today in terms of negative thinking, wrecked my whole day. Know the feeling wildflower?
x
I think we all know that feeling! I call them Scooby Doo days, where I feel followed by a grey cloud everywhere, that bursts sometimes and showers me with grimy rain. When days like this happen, it's hard to hang onto the positive stuff. I tend to think "Ok, this is today, maybe it isn't the best day and I can't be all pink and fluffy about the present or the future. What I CAN do, however, is look after myself today and do something nice for me" (It's individual choice what might consitute "nice", for some people it might be a bracing walk, for others it might be curling up on the sofa with a movie on)
Greet each day as a new opportunity for good things. If a bad situation is going on a long time then you need to think it can I change this? If yes, change it. If no, you are wasting energy and emotion railing against it and the acceptance strategy, as outlined by Anna (above) is the thing.
I would still suggest that you do one nice thing for yourself EVERY day 
Thanks Ladies,
Was a bit happier when I got up this morning, but the ex has just told me he's taking the kids next week to meet his new girlfriend!
I give up! x
Is there anything you can arrange while they're not with you? What about going to see your Mum? Perhaps go out for walk and a picnic.
It isn't easy, and I do remember the days well when I was dealing with the same.
Have you ever considered your not ready for a relationship yet?
I was the same as you felt a lone and lonely then met a woman and we arrange to go for a coffee, whilst waiting for her outside the meeting point i thought to myself what am i doing here when i could be out on my bike.
We had coffee and went seperate ways it just didnt feel right for me yes i am on dating sites but i cant be bothered, the time will come when i want another woman in my life.
it has been nearly two years for me.
For now i have my bike and my dog.
Dont try rushing things they will come in time.
If you fancy a chat i am always here
As for your ex taking the children to see his new bit of fluff bully for him
He should know better than playing games with the children
the contact time is for him and the children and no one eles
sorry if out of line but
I absolutely agree that parent and child time should be just that, not for new partners at least until the relationship is established and longer term. Sadly there is not much you can do about this, unless you find out the new partner is violent or an habitual drug user
A number of people on this site have found our article Making New Friends helpful.
Thanks Pash02, thanks Louise.
I kind of know Im not ready, Im just tired of spending every weekend in the house, people only call on me if they've got a problem!
Im not too pleased about 'the fluff' (made me laugh), I feel like me and my kids have just got good since we've been on our own (2 and a half years)! The thought of my children going off with someone I don't know, is driving me nuts! Plus, she don't have any of her own children (she's older) and Im imagining allsorts, mainly them playing happy families with my babies!
I have looked at Meet Up before, but there doesn't seem to be much in my area. Ive looked into some classes of things that interest me, but EVERYTHING costs money!!
Wildflower
have u checked the Making new friends link?
it looks kool
dont worry about the children going off with an old woman, if they wanted another grandma i am sure they would have asked :)
Old woman = desperate perhaps, maybe to make u jealous
BUT THAT WONT work cos u are stronger than that and a very fussy lady cos you are "drop dead geogous with a cherry on top" and will not go off with any bloke who smiles!!!
One day someone who is just as good looking as you will turn up and sweep you off your feet
The minute someone decides to walk out of your life
That is the same moment in which the opportunity and space opens up for someone who actually deserves your love to finally walk in
Yesterday is already a dream and tomorrow is only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and tomorrow a vision of hope
sorry if i have offended u with what i said BUT it is not meant to
i am trying in my own way to make you feel better but i offten put my foot in it.
Right come on Wildflower, its time to make a change. There are always things that you can do that don't cost money, you just have to be willing to open your eyes to see them.
Is there some local volunteering you could do? A walking group? Helping a neighbour with their garden. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to start the ball rolling into a new direction.
There is little that you can do about the children meeting the new girlfriend, as Louise said, other than hope that she is a nice woman and the children enjoy her company, so that you can let them go with peace.
Have a read of these two articles:
Anna
well said "Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to start the ball rolling into a new direction."
It was suggested to me that i went out on a MT bike ride with a group by several people i was scared of going because of what happen in the past when i went out.
It was the best thing i did when i got home from it i felt brill, she wasnt there acussing me of seeing someone ETC i was free and my own man and i had a great time.
So just try please Wildflower you may like it :)
I feel a bit better today...
I spoke to my ex yesterday and told him how I felt, and how the way he told me was a bit blunt and unspecific.
He replied that it wasn't something totally planned, she's taking her godchildren out for the day, so he said he'd join her with our children to have kids there own age to play with whilst with him. He said she's being introduced as a friend and not his girlfriend, and it will be very rare that they will be with her!
He understood that it must be hard and said he'd hate it if it was the other way around!
I wish he'd explained properly...I had visions all weekend of them going to her house every weekend!. (but that ain't going to happen apparently).
I told him the children don't need anyone else in their lives yet, my son wasn't a happy lil one after alot of changes and then starting school, so we've only just got close again at the moment, and he's been so good, I don't want anymore changes for either of us yet!
And as for doing things when Im not with them ... I would love too!
But I literally do not have any friends, sad but true lol ... and Im a bit too shy to do anything/activities on my own! Or if there are things to do they are on the days I have the children .... I'll keep looking though!
Thanks for all the replies, they really do help! I'll try and come here a bit more I think, and include myself in the Chit Chat posts.
Just turn up to activities as there is other people there who are just as shy and alone i should know i am one of them.
once you have been a few times you get to know people and they start to talk, i promise!!:)
You cant hide yourself away on the internet you have to go out and meet real people and not someone hiding behind a screen/ PC
I understand where you are coming from as i feel the same but you need to get out even if it is just a walk round the house's or to the shops.
Advice i was given is not to have anything to do with my EX as she upsets me every time i talk to her or text her, this has come from two different people and one hardly knows me but see's a difference after i have spoke to the EX
GO FOR A WALK NOW!!! Please :)
it will do u good
Hi Wildflower, I am so glad that the air has been cleared and your ex has now explained what the scenario is going to be, it sounds as though you can have a reasonable conversation with him.
Have a look at those articles, because right now, you still need some TLC, cheering up and belief in yourself.
I did meet someone after my divorce. At the time I was 42 and had four children - the youngest was then 5 and the oldest was 12. I have never been slim and am certainly not pretty.
But I did meet someone. We did split up after a couple of years, but then it was my decision.
I did come to the conclusion that life was easier on my own, and somehow I settled down to life with me and them. Lots of fun and laughter. I started to volunteer with the Scouts six years ago, which meant I met more adults - some are now good friends.
I think this also helped me to like myself more.
I do get lonely though, but I don't look too far ahead.
My children are now older - my youngest is now 14.