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I have never ever moaned so much in my life as I did last year.
I was made redundant and to top it all my daughters father led me to believe that we were getting back together and then WHAM!! he moves in with a new girlfriend with a baby which isn't his.
I must admit I am jealous that he will have a happy life with her and her baby which he didnt want with me and our daughter together. He hated "family life".
I had to tread on eggshells for the 5 years we lived together as he had a bad temper.
I put a roof over his head and his sons from a previous marriage.
I feel used and and sort of pitied by him, I have cried to him over him not wanting to bring our daughter up and he just laughs a mocking laugh which I must admit made me hit the roof and send nasty texts messages.
I used to be so confident, attractive and fun, now i feel old and untrusting.
I have turned into a bitter woman that I used to cringe about.
Anyone got any good ideas what I should do?
Hello babycakes
I am not surprised you are sad and angry after what you have been through and thank you for being honest enough to admit that it has prompted you into the text messages, often when we find ourselves behaving out of character then we KNOW things have got tough.
Bea is right in that you can now have stability for you and your daughter. FEELING ok is another matter, I guess.
Read our article about Trust here. I would also like to suggest to you that there are elements in your partner's behaviour that sound emotionally abusive., Have a look at this list and tell me which characteristics your can indentify. Then consider doing The Freedom Programme online to help you understand more and move on!
Hi babycakes,
you've come to a very supportive site - everyone here is fantastic and helpful!
I think just by looking at yourself like you have done in your post you've taken a huge step already! You have identified the problem/challenge, that you're not happy with it, have acknowledged why it's there and that you want to do something about it. That's brilliant!
So now you've asked for some ideas - Louise has already given you some starting points!
Meet a friend for lunch/dinner/coffee and really dress up for it, just because you can, with all the stuff that goes before, pamper yourself. Just for a few hours it will make you feel confident, attractive and fun again, so that you know you can get that back.
You don't sound like a giver-upper!
hi babycakes
spare a thought for his new girlfriend and her baby because a man like that will take her to hell and back.. he can let his anger have full range now because the baby isn't his, i hope she has the strength to kick him out sooner than later..
you've had a lucky escape by the sounds of it...
Hi babycakes - sending you a virtual hug, because you b***** well deserve one! The bit about your ex having said he didn't like family life, didn't want another child with you, and then moving in with someone with a small baby - well, lucky for him you're not a violent woman!
I actually think this scenario is quite common - and very painful. I'm half holding my breath every time my ex is in a good mood or nice to me, dreading the news that his new partner is expecting. And while I would truly love our son to have half-siblings, it's going to be very hard on me 'cos I had three miscarriages and that was a major contributing factor for our split.
And feeling old, bitter and untrusting - more hugs for you! And for me! And Louise, I'm going to have a look at that Trust article too.
Oh what lucky, lucky men our next partners will be! We'll be feeling so sorted and good about ourselves! 
Look after yourself, babycakes.
Lucy
XO
Hi babycakes...Look at it this way...you wrote:
'He hated "family life".
I had to tread on eggshells for the 5 years we lived together as he had a bad temper.'
Do you really want someone like this in your life making you miserable? No! It may be all wonderful for him at the moment...but eventually whether it takes years or not, he will be the same with this new woman...by that time you will be over him, and living a better life without him.
Hugs xx
Thank you for all your comments and support x
I stayed with my ex because he's the father of our daughter, I always made excuses for his anger.
His morals have changed, when he met me he said that if I had a child already he would not have been interested in me if I had a child already (he said he couldnt live with someone elses child while not living with his son).
His morals have totally changed and I am gobsmacked.
I suppose I'm finding it difficult bringing my daughter up alone.
He has lost interest in our daughter but not his son.
I feel sad for my daughter that he will bring up someone elses and not his own.
I know I need to move on and forget him. But I cannot forget the past as my daughter is part of it.
I have met a few men but I lose interest in them when I find out that they don't have much contact with their children.
I think I attract the "wrong type of men".
Yes, I have a trust issue.
I thought I had moved on, I feel led on and weak.
I know it happens all the time - couples splitting, didnt think it would happen to me.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi babycakes. Welcome along. If you re-read your first post, imagine it was someone else's post, what would you write back to them?
You had to tread on egg shells around this man. I know it's difficult, but maybe in years to come, your daughter might also have to tread round egg shells for him. If I were you, I would pity the woman he is now involved with. She definately won't be having a 'happy' life with him will she? You've already said he hated 'family life'. Take one day at a time, and though difficult to hear, would you really want to go back to treading on egg shells?
Be kind to you, as you're coming to terms with so much.
In time you will relish living without those egg shells and come to enjoy the times with your daughter.
One regret I do have towards The Git is that he's taken away my daughter's opportunity to be a Daddy's girl (I was such a Daddy's girl growing up!).
On the other hand, I'm really, really lucky as my children seem to like me and get on with each other - even though they also drive me up the wall.
Sparklinglime you just hit the nail on the head about being a Daddy's girl as I was and still am too.
I adore my dad and wanted the same for my daughter.
It is sad that she will never have the same bond as me and my dad.
I always wanted a happy family life for my daughter as I did growing up.
I know eventually I will meet a good man but he will never be her real dad will he?
Its not like we were young when we had my daughter, I was 37 and he 38. She was planned.
I feel angry that I do all the hard work and he just wanted the glory of her when he did see her one night a week - palming her off on his mother may I add. I loved his family and his mum and they did me. They were dissappointed in him aswell. But now they say I should just move on and be happy for him but I can't. It sounds mean but I don't think he deserves to be as he walks away from problems too easily and everyone else has to clear up his mess.
He's now living with the 4th woman. He won't tell me who she is even though I have always been honest with him and included him in everything concerning our daughter.
He can't return the favour.
He is miffed that I have a nice house (which I bought myself) from working hard.
I am now ignoring his taunts. I have been so down over christmas.
He hasnt paid maintenance.
The Git married the third fiance...
And if I'm honest I'm glad he's happy. What gets me is that he chooses not to be a responsible parent, but just gets on with a care free life.
Unfortunately, he ran up massive debts so I lost the laughingly family home and my lovely car... But then I wouldn't change things really.
We have four children - all planned....
I go more or less every week for tea to my ex-in-laws with the children. I'm also welcomed when I'm on my own. They can say hurtful things at time (which they probably think are helpful), but then I know I can be very defensive too.
I'm so glad you have a nice home I can't imagine anything more satisfying to miff him with
The Git pays £58 a month. It's been this amount for about four years as he never declared a second job to the CSA. He was contacted and then became a full-time student - so really I'm "lucky" to get that sum.
Don't let his taunts get to you. If he's anything like The Git, he wouldn't know the truth if he fell over it. He will always blame you too and do all he can to make other people see that too. I lost some what I considered to be good friends - three of which did try to make contact a couple of years down the line, when they could see The Git's true colours. Difficult to go back though, and I found it difficult to forgive too, when they never felt able to support the children - who were young when we split up.
Hello babycakes
I have written to you in more detail on the Ask the Expert section but I just wanted to say that if he has not paid any maintenance then it is worth approaching the CSA if he is working.
Sparkling has given you some very wise words from the voice of experience there.
hello babycakes welcome to this site it is really helpful site and you will get lots of support . it is hard to deali with how they change over night mine did and mine had a temper too . i like you felt unworthy and lost myself in away but stay in there deep breaths and use all the links that pass on as they help . im 8 months into my spilt and i still have days when im down and low but here i have found fab
The best defense is a good offensive path. I hope you have had a chance to go out, get your hair done, value yourself. His choice, his loss. There are better men out there that deserve your care. And get as much support for your daughter as you can. He will always be her dad no matter what.
be glad your living on solid ground now the eggshells have gone, build a happy home for your daughter and show her just how strong us women can be.