This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Myself and my husband have been separated for 18 months now, and on a day-to-day basis our 8 year old son appears to be dealing it with it extremely well. However, over the last six weeks or so, when he returns from spending a night with his dad, when he comes home, he is inconsolable with grief for an entire evening and he cries himself to sleep.
I have tried everything to reassure him, we count the days until he next sees his dad, we cuddle on the sofa and chat about it, but just when he calms down, he starts crying again. Once he has gone to sleep and when he wakes up the next morning, he is then fine, and we spend the rest of the week having a great time, with the school/home routine, but I am now dreading him going to his Dad's as I face the fallout when he returns.
Any advice how to stop this would be gratefully appreciated.
My husband has got a new partner, but not in the last six weeks. He just seems really unsettled, and I do wonder, if perhaps it has finally dawned on him that we're not getting back together, although he says that he accepts that. We are very close, and talk a lot about a lot of different things as I don't want him to ever feel that he can't talk to me.
Perhaps like you say it has maybe just hit him that you and your ex aren't getting back together. Awww the poor thing, must be extremely hard. Does he get on with the ex's partner?
Hello paddysmum
Have you spoken with your son's dad to find out if anything has happened during their visits? This could be a phase or as you have said he has only just realised that you and his dad are not getting back together.
Could you and his dad talk to him together? maybe try and come up with something together that will help your son, like maybe his dad calls him on the phone or maybe a photo for him to have? these are only suggestions and you maybe able to come up with something that works better for you.
Hope you figure something out! 
It does sound as if you have hit the nail on the head, Paddysmum, in that he is sad that you will never get together again. I don't know if you are on civilised terms with his dad but if you are then it might be worth having a word, saying that you have noticed your son being upset just lately and how does he seem when he is at his dad's? (not pointing the finger and saying it is something that dad is doing) You could also say that you sense your son needs a lot of extra "I love yous" and reassurance and ask that his dad does this too. I wonder if there is the prospect of another child in the picture? either a new baby or the partner's exisiting child? And I wonder if he has been a bit sad and mopey at his dad's and his dad has got impatient with him?
Have you thought about getting a story book to read with him? Here is one which may look a bit young from the outside pictures but does explain some of the "big words" about divorce and so is not babyish. Also I know you count the days till he sees daddy again but one really effective tool is a wallchart.Get two types of stickers, say a flower for mum and a football for dad, or whatever you like. Your son can put stickers on the chart as to which parent he is with and cross the days off....and therefore feel a bit more "in charge" of things
Hi Paddysmum. I really have no idea on this one, as it's not something I can associate with. It sounds like you're doing all you can though, with reassuring him, cuddles etc. Is there anything in the last 6 weeks that has changed? Has his dad got a new partner for instance? Please keep posting as others will be along, who'll be able to offer some advice.