My story doesn't seem to be a very common one! Any advice, support, anything would be welcome. I'm very new to this kind of thing, but want to do everything as best I can.
I have a son, age 6. He currently lives in New Zealand with his mother. I only found out about 3 years ago! I have since done a dna test, so he's definitely mine. Since then I have been out there once for a month to spend time with him, and keep up contact through skype.
In just a couple of months, his mother will be giving him up - he will be coming to live with me permanently. She's had enough. She's been unable to find a job (although seems to be seeking only evening work?!), her benefits have been cut as he's turned 6 (while I help financially it's not enough for her to get by without a job), she recently left her long term partner and she has no family around. So she wants him to be with me. I'm excited, but very, very nervous!
I work full time, and will carry on doing so. I have spoken with my employer, and they are happy to give me a little flexibility.
At the moment I'm focussing on the practical side of things. Getting the paperwork done, deciding where to live, talking to schools. There's a whole world of other things to think about... how to make him feel at home, to not feel like his mummy has abandoned him, planning meals, how to talk to him, what to do when he's ill... I need to take things one by one or I'll quickly get overwhelmed.
Problem for the moment is around where to live. Any thoughts from your own experiences would be highly appreciated. I want to find somewhere near a good school, and move into it as soon as possible. I live in Bristol at the moment. I have family on the border of London & Surrey - and I'm absolutely torn where to go.
Do I live stay in Bristol, where I have friends, and can be financially stable, or go to London, where I have family but almost no friends, and struggle financially? I have a chance to manage to be self sufficient where I am in Bristol - in London we would have family to support us, but would also definitely need them.
Is there anything I can learn from your own experiences?
I'd like to be as prepared as possible... any advice, pointers on where advice is available... anything!
Hi dcthomas
Single Parent Action Network are the umbrella organisation of One Space and we are based in Bristol!
We have a fathers support worker who you may be interested in contacting, he will be able to help you with practical things as well as information on child benefits etc. You can call him (Jason) on 0117 9554055.
Good luck!
Hi dcthomas
I live on the Surrey/Berks/Hants border and it's very nice with good schools, but I totally agree with staying where you are for now until things get settled. It's a lot to take on but incredibly exciting. It sounds like there's some great support in Bristol. All I can say is reach out for all the help and support you can and definitely if you can afford it get help with household stuff.
Good luck with everything!
Gem
x
Thank you all for your advice! Amazing!
I have decided to stay in Bristol, have been viewing houses and hope to be moving soon. Things are moving forward on the paperwork to arrange for him to come here from NZ...
Soon I can get on with the more personal sides of things, preparing a room for him, showing him pictures of the new place, and then he'll be here... I'm still a bit overwhelmed with the number of things to do to prepare, but taking it all a bit at a time.
It seems like there's a great group of people here, I hope to be coming back for ideas (and once settled in, even keeping things moving with helping others!)
Good luck with things. I'm glad things are moving, and I do agree that a bit a time can keep things manageable.
Hi dcthomas, I bet you have lists as long as your arm!!
Word in advance, if you are making phonecalls to benefits office, DWP etc, keep a log of time, date, reason for call and outcome, it may come in handy. There are many reasons why but mostly because overpayments are made (even though you have told them the right thing) and then demanded back. If you have a record then you can later prove that you did everything in your power to keep them informed and up to date.
If there is anything we can do to help, let us know
Although there is a mountain of stuff to get through, but you must be getting a excited 
. Do you have a due date?!
Hello and great to meet you.
Your life is about to change dramatically, well you know that!
On a practical basis, you need to be fairly near your job and where you know. I would be inclined to stay put. As for schools, you don't need to live near Eton, just somewhere that is reasonable. You can get in touch with one or two local primary schools, they will be delighted to send you an information pack. I'm sure you are aware that every school has an OFSTED report and it is worth asking about that, as it is a guide to whether the school is meeting its aims or struggling.
The other reason I would suggest you don't move is that you need to see how things go, how your son settles in etc...do be aware that his mum may not be happy with the new situation. Have you thought about childcare after school and in the holidays? What sort of contact will he have with his mum? I would suggest that you let him help get his room ready as to his taste, but encourage him to have pictures of mum around. Dont' forget that there will be many cultural differences (and climate!) so you will need to explain things to him.He might want some NZ things around him, pictures, or a flag up in his room.
As far as his mum is concerned, he is bound to feel pretty abandoned. Try to concentrate on the other side of things...say things like "I am so lucky that you have come here, I always wanted you to be here and now you are" Tell him that his mum loves him and always will...if he asks why she has gone away you can say she has to go for work but she wants you to have a happy time, which is why you have come here to live. Do you get what I mean? all positive things that will make him feel cherished rather than abandoned.
Once he gets settled in, you will have to be superdad for a while and get to know the parents of his schoolmates, they will be most helpful when it comes to things like school activities, local information etc There may be some single mums you can team up with who would welcome a bloke's input with their own sons and you will feel a bit more confident as you go along.
I know you work fulltime but try to allocate as much one to one time with your son as possible, I dont know how you are fixed financially but if it is viable how about paying for some help with some of the household stuff for a while, just till you get into the routine?