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hello
I've met a man that fits me like a glove, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and an added bonus he has a 12 year old son that lives with him.. both my children are grown and creating their own future, with my constant input i may add!!..lol, its soooooooo hard to let go!!
its hard being a step-parent but i would'nt change it for the world, i love him like my own but my respect and empathy for his mum is failing me now.. she's doing my nut in now with her constant plan changes when it comes to her access.. its like we're supporting her instead of the other way round.. she offers no financial help what so ever, not even a tenner slipped in his pocket!.. she wanted him xmas eve, he came home xmas day with fk all, not even a new pair of socks on him, i was fuming!, its so hard to be angry and hold it down so's not to upset him..
my partner knows i'm getting pissed off with it, but thats making matter worse because he is now trying to cover up for her.. i want him to take her to the csa and get what his child deserves, a better standard of living!, i know he won't because hes a proud man, and i love him for that.. but it does grip me at times.. thats my rant over
think i'll light a candle and send his mum some love, she must be lost without her boy, i know i would...
hiya anna
i've been a single parent to 2 different fathers, i denied all access for my husband and my daughters dad had her every other weekend up till she was 14 and old enough to decide for herself, their in contact but nothing as regular..
a structured enviouroment is essential for kids, her lack of consistency has been going on for 2 years now, enoughs enough in my books.. i've become prime carer of my partners sons, enabling him to get back to work and sort out the debt he's accumelated since being a single parent..
your assumptions wrong, she works owns her own house and has a good standard of living.. shes just taken on a promotion that involves shift work, sorry but when your a parent from a split family and have responsibilities, you cant just decide a move like that without even disscussing it with the other party... shes taking the p*ss out of me now and that makes it my bussiness..
she has no pride in her kids because if she did she'd notice he needs a haircut, new shoes, new school trousers ect, ect...
as far as parenting is concerned she's a waste of space...
Hi bea4
Glad you are doing a sterling job with your stepson,. the poor lad must have been devastated not to receive a Christmas gift. Thank heavens he has his dad and a great stepmum like you, Criticism of his mum (however justified) will just add fuel to the fire and I think that is why Anna was suggesting that it was a good idea not to voice it. You have had experience of this now from both "angles" and it is a crying shame that for every parent that struggles on benefits to bring up their child with no help from the other parent, there are parents without care of the child who either a. pay up and can struggle themselves or in this case, don't pay up and live live the life of Riley (whoever Riley is!)
It's a funny old world.
hi louise
thats whats sooooooooooo frustrating, i know i souldnt add fuel to the fire but i'm only human, the last thing my partner needs is another woman struggling for control... lioness and cubs spring to mind
..
to be honest im just as annoyed at my fella, thers been no introduction, its like im invisible here and to me thats not fair.. we're getting married next year for gods sake and i havent even been introduced to his mum, i cant get my head round that one.. my daughters dad had a couple of girlfriends, i made sure they knew who i was.. its like i'm kept in the dark so as not to upset her little world of denial, i didnt cause their breakup but im being treated like i did!!..
i'll end up rolling about the floor with her if this continues!!..
Hi bea4
I can agree with what you are saying about the absent parent not paying for there children(responsabillity) but sometimes its to easy to walk away and be wrapped up in there sleves and want to be a parent when they feel like it.
Its been four years for me and my children with there mum not contrabuting to there up keep and living the life of Riley off her new husband and not being able to do anything about it even CSA can not help as she does not work.
Unfortunatly theres not much i can do about it they want to see her and some time she wants to see them, yes at first its anoying but you can not make the absent parent stick to a routinue thats half the problem and paying well i could go on till i am blue in the face ( but no point ) so you have to live with it and just enjoy your partner and his son and support them in the best way you can.
There many on here who struggle with finances but do there best for there children as theres alway got to be one stable parent for them.
Stuart
Hi bea4
I agree, a structured environment is essential for most kids however as others have said, we can't control the other parent.
Understandably you are frustrated at not being introduced to your step sons mum. I am with you on that, if you are the main carer then I believe that you should be able to meet her, you are not a random girlfriend, you are an integral part of her boys life. What is your fiance's reasons for not making that happen? Would you consider writing to her to invite her tea or to have a telephone conversation, telling her that you would like to get to know her, or even perhaps that you would like to talk about your step son, keeping it all bright and breezy?
hiya stuart
thanks for your input, as you know its good to let off bit of steam!.. all i can say about parents that don't pull their wieght in financially supporting their children through this life is "shame on them", but i still don't understand it...
neither of my ex partners said " lets have a baby and keep it living on the poverty line", if they had given me for-warning of the truth i may have made a better judgement!., but i've got 2 beautiful kids, thats more than made up for it....
hi anna
in my partners mind it'd be a nightmare for us to meet, im sure thats how he feels.. he doesnt want her in our lives and if i'm honest once i've had a rant and got it out niether do i.. i'm a strong minded woman and she's bi-polar, not a great mix for a coffee morning..lol... god my fella would have a heart attack if he walked in and found us 2 at loga heads.. but thanks the thought has made me laughx
Hi bea4
It sounds as if getting it all off your chest here helps...it also sounds as if your chap is a bit worried about the outcome of a meeting. Don't forget that no matter how "adult" you might feel about it, there is no guarantee that she would be civil and it might be THAT that worries your fiance.
My belief is that most successful step parents have a huge hole in their tongues, where they have bitten them so hard.....I can't give you any solutions but just want to say how great it is that the lad has you in this life 
your right louise i need to bite my tongue because at the end of the day i;m here for the boy, and in a way he's here for me just as much, now my kids are finding their own feet i miss being a parent and he's allowed me to love him, i'm thankful for that...
Hi bea4, I can imagine how infuriating it must be seeing a mother not stick to arrangements, I am presuming that you have been a single parent and know how important it is to be consistent. However it is heart warming that you recognise that 'the mum' must be going through a terrible time, not being with her son.
Your partner knows that you are not impressed with her behaviour, however that is none of your business, that is their relationship and probably best that you bite your tongue. He is probably just as frustrated, however you don't want him protecting her behaviour from you, just because he doesn't want to hear you criticise. They have to sort it out between them. All you can do is be consistent with their son and be the best step mum you can be!
When you feel angry come on here and rant about it, we don't mind and it won't hurt us! It is good that you are considerate of 'her', however you must look after yourself and support your partner to make positive decisions. I am presuming that she didn't buy her son an xmas present because she doesn't have the money?