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Does anyone else feel left out and that there is a stigma around them for
being a single parent/divorced etc? I went to my church today and people
do not seem that friendly and I feel it would be different if I walked in with
a partner. Ive been going there for a few months but feel alone as most people are in couples and I have no one to walk in with. When I was married people did seem different in how they reacted. Theres a lot
of clique about!
Hi Laurajane36
Welcome to One Space!
I went on a short holiday the year after my divorce with my two boys, I chose to go to a church family centre, assuming that people would be more friendly to me as I was on my own. WRONG! The stigma is a very foolish thing as statistics show that HALF of all children will be in a single parent family at some time in their life so anyone that is feeling smug about being in a couple may have to look to their laurels.....
Since then I have taken the attitude that we make our own way and our own destiny. I tried everything locally and took my pick
Can I recommend Spice and also another of our members has enjoyed attending her local Meet up group. I think it is all about grasping the nettle and going out to see what life has to offer. Read our article Making New Friends for lots of tips as well 
I am a member of a 'free evangelical' church - people are not at all judgemental and it is no effort to include 'single' people in activities.
Having said that, I do not often get asked to help with anything - everyone seems to think I've got enough on my plate. Also dinner parties where there's only couples are obviously a no-go area.
People outside of church have tried to matchmake on occasion. Also it seems to be 'normal' to be single for whatever reason, so people don't mind, really....
Maybe I am just very fortunate that I have a fantastic circle of friends in and out of church...
I found that some parents at school started to look down their noses at me - but I just didn't care. Funnily enough, I found that once I became a parent of a disabled child I seemed to be more of a leper than when I had 'just' been a single mother! In the first few years, I did feel sometimes as if we weren't a proper family and then one day while we were on a camping holiday in Devon it suddenly hit me. There were all these 'proper' familes around us arguing and getting stressed while me and my two girls were just having a chilled time. I never felt second best after that.
Hi laurajane36 and welcome to One Space
It can feel like there are alot of cliques, this does not bother me so much now, it did in my younger day's though, so can empathise with how you are feeling
I used to have a saying in my head everytime i went somewhere new "you can't be everyones cup of tea" and vice versa "they might not be my cup of tea" not sure how this will help you though laurajane36, but it did for me.
Hi laurajane36,
Sorry to hear that you feel that your church is not friendly. Are there any midweek activities that you could attend where you will have more chance to speak to people? I felt similar to you when I first started to attend my local church, people said hello but it didn't go much further. After a year and half of just attending on Sunday I decided to offer to open my home once a week for a midweek 'link group'. We meet Wednesday morning straight after the school run until about 11am. The link group has been a real blessing, there are only three of us that meet and we are all mums, I'm the only single mum but it doesn't matter we still have things in common and we are really good friends now. We go on outings at the weekends together occasionally and go to each other's children's birthday parties with our own children of course! It helps that our children all go to the same school and we always say hello to each other in the school playground.
I hope my story will encourage you to stick with it, I really recommend an informal midweek group you might want to establish a new one or attend an existing one.
Let us know how you get on. xx
I suffered a lot when I divorced. During it, my husband was abusive and my family ignored me. After it, I got on with it, but when I got ill four years ago, people were as silent as the grave! Thats when I hit rock bottom. I was surprised to find that prejudice became more prevalent than religious beliefs, as far as the Catholic church was concerned, I stuck with them until my daughter went to a catholic primary and was very upset with their treatment of us. I have good friends, but the majority of strangers seem to cling on to marriage or religion as an excuse to hide behind, and that's not for me! Just as well, I am an artist and the experience teach me self sufficiency and spiritual strength. Good luck to everyone out there, find your own strengths and live in peace and believe in yourselves!
Hi All
Unfortunately some people don't have great experiences with their church when life throws them a curve, i can't really say why this happens, other than that people really don't know what to say to you that can make you feel supported, so tend to avoid the situation, i found it's abit like bereavement in that sense.
On the other had there are some people like englishrose who has had a good experience from her church, once she took the initative and activley got involved and offered her home for weekly meetings etc. Not that i am suggesting that you do this, sometimes all it takes is us taking the plunge and talking with others and sometimes you will be plesantly surprised how supportive others can be.
I think I've been pretty lucky as my ex rarely did anything with us as a family.
The strangest thing I've found is how my brother and sister hardly contact me since the divorce. Before hand, I used to speak to them regularly, and now things are difficult.
It could be a coincidence.
I used to be a Church goer, but I have to say there were a number of people who did go along. I think people "just" don't know what to say. Its almost like a bereavement in that people will avoid you. I was talking about this with a friend the other day.
I have been left out of things though, but mainly as people have always been reluctant to babysit my son with autism. Now they don't ask...
Sorry that this reply hasn't been at all constructive!
Hello though laurajane36. This is a good place for company - even if it is virtual.