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I'm at my wits end (once again)
i told A's father I want him to start taking her out during visits so they can bond and I get some much needed rest but I told him before this happens he needs to learn A's medications incase she needs them while out (she is in over 6 a day) and we will start with them being out for half an hour at first (to see how he copes) and then increase slowly to the full visit time.
I made him a list with the medications, what they do, dosage and how to use them- over a month later he still hasn't bothered to learn them and takes it all as a joke- I've made it clear she could die from a single attack and he needs to man up and be a responsible parent But he just brushes off what I say and says he will learn them- he should if done it from the start and it proves to me once again that he don't give a damn - what could be more important that his child's life or death situation? NOTHING
How can I trust this guy with my daughters life when he don't even care but insists he wants to take her out?!!!!
I can totally understand as he hasn't seen a tat tack he does not realise how serious it is but does he really want to mess around with something like that wether he understands or not- I'm sorry but he has proved once again that he just doesn't care- hardly an effort to take 2mins out his day to learn her stuff, I had no choice but to learn it so why is he any different , after all people do say the "father" is just as important as the mother.
she needs 4 creams on every 2 hours (twice he would need to apply) a anti itch if needed and a pump depending on her breathing . This is a struck routine by her hospital consultant and even if one cream is missed out its very noticeable and she ends up back in the doctors room
Can u imagin if I let him take her out, he ain't bothered learning it and something happens to her, then I have to keep being nice like everyone says I should be coz he's the father, have a laugh.
Oh Tinkerbell2 how absolutely infuriating for you. Can I ask a question, which may sound like going off topic but isn't....what about when she goes to nursery, how are you planning to manage her meds then? The reason I am asking this is because although obviously there really is a big issue with A's dad, maybe you could use your thoughts about this situation to think about how best to manage that too.
It sounds as if you are sick and tired of being pleasant in the situation with A's dad.
She goes to a special nursery twice a week already, by special I mean careers who are fully trained with children with medical problems, when I placed her there I had to spend a day with them showing and going though her medications- she has had attacks their and at hey were brilliant so I know I can fully trust them. This could be a thing she grows out of though (fingers fully crossed) so I'm not planning as far as school yet.
Louise how can I now be pleasant to a guy who doesn't take her important needs seriously? I was fair enough to say I want him to start taking her out on visits (alone) considering how he has been in the past, I didn't have to do that at all but it's so important to me that they bond and get "their time" together, I don't really want him in my home on visits for the Nxt 16 years, what if I get married and have more kids , it won't be fair on them to have A's father hanging around our home - mine and his relationship was so much friendlier and relaxed but now AGAIN he has show he just don't care about her. I'm back at uni and want MY alone time to on visits, that's the only alone time I would get so its just as important to me too, I even said if he needs to bring the "medication sheet" along on visits to refer back to that's fine but do you think he bothered -No........am I ment to sit their all smiles and be nice when I know he can't be arsed to do something so important ??
The hardest part is he knows she has been in hospital endless times since she was born hooked up to machines to help her breathe properly after attacks And still he don't learn her stuff, she sees her consultant every 6 months too for check ups
Yes, Tinkerbell2 I have every sympathy with you, there is no way I would have been able to be as patient as you have been. So I am not sure who has this expectation of you really, I suppose all the time you have been trying your best to give him every chance but really, she HAS to be cared for properly, this is not a question of he hasn't combed her hair, this is a question of medical safety. And yet I know you WANT it to work, because you need a break and particularly for A's benefit. The bright points are: she may grow out of it, or at least have it diminish and as she gets bigger she will understand about her own creams (even though he seems unable to)
I totally understand why you don't want him at your house. Do you think the time has come to stop contact, are those the lines you are thinking along?
I wouldn't stop contact as I feel only she has the right to decide that (which clearly she is too young to do and in all honestly I would be surprised if she still wanted to see him in future as he brings no fun or love to the table) I would only stop contact if she was being abused or he was doing drugs etc but as it stands I can be there to supervise visits- for now .
Hi Tinkerbell2, bad luck, it does sound as though being there to supervise at every visit seems the only option at this point.
I can imagine how frustrating that must feel. Does your sister able to have your daughter at all so that you can get a break?
Hi Tinkerbell2, I hcan hear your frustration and I imagine I would feel exactly the same.
I am guessing that as he hasn't experienced one of these attacks he is not realising how serious they are.
You say that A is on 6 medicaitons a day, how many is she likely to need if something happens, say at the park?