This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
So as you know I've mentioned a problem before of my daughters fathers hygiene and B.O...I started to notice it 3 visits ago, I kindly told him and he seemed grateful I told him, his last visit was no smell but today he stinks again...his brother has told me when my ex wasyoungalar childhood to late teens) his father use to remind him to wash so this is obv a on going problem...he stinks out my whole house and the smell clings onto bubas clothes, I get this could be a medical problem butwhat should I do....maybe a letter to him or should I just keep telling him every visit ? please help this is so awkward
Ok so I just kindly told him.....once again and he got nasty and said "well I can't smell it" I understand he's got defensive but he needs to sort this problem out and STOP talking to me like sh*t in my own house, who does the think he is!!!
He had it slightly but I would tell him to wash or use aftershave bit maybe he would be more conscious of it as he was trying to impress me...I try not to say anything but it's so strong I have to sit there holding my nose, he walks around every where apart from the bedroom so the smell is aired in most rooms, I already have 3 air freshness up.....I'm the kinda person where I would tell some1 anyway coz I would rather they know than walk around smelling- I'm very honest, maybe too honest at times lol....if I've had to say it more than once then he knows he has a problem, I'm not gunna grab him and throw him in the bath scrubbing him with soap, it's at the point where I just want to vomit coz it's so bad, I know I can't keep telling him and I won't coz obv he dont care but it's hard to sit in my home smelling it :O
He shouldn't be talking like that to you Tinkerbell. They do say that the offenders don't actually smell themselves, and he's obviously defensive when you've pointed it out to him. On his next visit, maybe meet somewhere outside of the home?
Personally I wouldn't have him walking around the house. He has no need too. In the living room with your daughter yes, the bathroom too, but he has no reason to go into her bedroom or the kitchen does he.
The kitchen is linked to the living room so he always goes in there if A crawls in there, the bedroom is out of bounds though. I think when its hot I'm going to suggest the visits at the park, sports zone or town just so he doesn't need to be at mine stinking it out. I have spoken to him about shouting at me before and warned him that if it carries on he won't be allowed in my home, he only sees A teice a month so shouldnt be telling in front of her, i wont stand for that... I'm guessing that if he doesn't sort his hygiene out then maybe as A gets older she will say it as kids can be very upfront, that would be a bad awkward situation .
Yep, kids certainly speak the truth hehe.
Do you know, Tinkerbell2, that is exactly what I was thinking: that eventually buba will say "You smell, daddy" but that will be a year or two away.
Glad to hear you shut your bedroom door. You can have the windows open and you have mentioned air fresheners. As you know I work as a counsellor one day a week and the room I use is quite small and I have worked with a few clients who smell. I have counterracted this with open windows and also a plug-in air freshener which I switch on about half an hour before I start counselling. Another tip (this from a friend who worked in Personal Care, where smells were inevitable) is to put perfume on the collar and cuffs of your own top so you could breathe it....but I don't know if you would rather not do this in case it aggravates buba's eczema when you cuddle her.
Scented candles can also be very effective or aromatherapy oils, if you can put thme out of your daughter's reach. And as soon as he has gone, fling the windows wide and change her clothes if she has picked up the smell.
Good idea to go to the park in hot weather. What a horrid problem for you!
Thank you Louise, going to try oil burners , I did open the windows while he was around but as they are large windows it won't always be possibe when it's cold out. it just confussed me how people can be so dirty ESP as he's ment to be a role model & set a example but our child is infact cleaner than him.....shocking , think I will just have to grin and bear it (maybe sneakily spray air freshner) then go else where in the summer
Months on I'm still having same problem with my daughters fathers hygiene- things over all with their relatioship are very slowing picking up but his body odour is getting worse, his visits are no longer in my home due to this reason but even in public places the smell is so bad and I know other people can smell it which embarrasses me ESP when he is holding A...his family member recently also came on a visit (they hadn't seen eachother in over a year) and the member turned round and whispered "he skinks" but refuses to tell him dispute my plea so he will realise its not just me saying it to be mean.... It's getting to the point where he smells so bad and obv doesn't wash so I don't want him holding A. I shouldn't have to tell a grown man to wash
No, you shouldn't. I am surprised his new partner has not told him. And I stand by what I said a while ago...that eventually A will say to him "You smell horrible" and he will be really upset.
Rather than telling him he smells, do you think it would work if you said to him one of the things he has to agree to before he can spend time with A is to have had a shower or bath....or does this amount to the same thing?
Either he leaves to get to visits really early so he doesn't shower or he just doesn't shower full stop.
Leaving early isn't really an excuse thou as he could just wake up 10 minutes earlier. I think me saying what u just advised would have no effect! If anything I need that family member to mention it too so he knows it's not just me .
I have no idea why his new partner hasn't said anything? Maybe she has orwhist doesn't want the argument.
Louise I'm just so fed up with smelling him- there's no need to smell like that - i even brought hifoot soap on the rope & aftershave set as a xmas gift but clearly that has gone to waste
Yes, it is very unpleasant for you, especially in a confined space. What about his half-brother?
His half brother came to visit (not when her father was there) and her father didn't like the fact he see's A so blocked him on Facebook & twitter.. They are not close at all and his half brother has no body issues or what I can only discribe as Bizarre & delusional behaviour issues like her father- they are totally opposite.....
Ok, it does seem very difficult Tinkerbell2, and I was thinking about it...if a person misses a shower on ONE morning then they are not usually really offensively smelly, so it may be that A's dad has gone several days without. Is there no-one he listens to then?
I've known him since I was 14 & he's the kinda guy who thinks the world owes him something (he was never as bad as he is now thou)
He thinks his always right and gets mouthy if you say any different..
The family member contacted me yesterday as his B.O was mentioned to me again, they said they want to tell him but just don't know how to put it in a nice way
IM hoping if A's father hears it from someone apart from me then he may at least spray himself before his visits.
I knon we can't force people to wash and that A will prob tell him herself but it's just annoying as she's only 1 so her telling him isn't going to happen for a good few years. I'm getting so embarrassed being in public with him as I don't want people to think we are ALL a dirty family who stink :(
I think this is a battle which can't be won so to speak & that im just going to have to not get to close. maybe if I hold my nose every now & again or spray some spray gently in the air he will take the hints without my having to say it out right every time.
No-one will think you and A are smelly, Tinkerbell2 but I understand how you feel.
That sounds good that the family member might be able to tell him. As for doing it nicely, that's hard. The only way I can think of it to be quite open, something like "I noticed the other day that you had a BO problem, I mean it was really strong....that is something that will really put your little girl off you and I know you want to be a good dad so what do you think you could do to improve things?"
You could always buy a bar of soap and some cheap deodorant and send it to him anonymously? Maybe he'd get the hint?
Just an idea....
hahaha Hopeful, thats a good idea, kinda wish i had his address now 
im still going to buy him a smelly product each celebration x
Hi Tinnkerbell2, you have mentioned the smell to him before and I was wondering next time you meet him, the first thing you say after Hi and a big smile is "Wow! You are well stinky today, it must have been a long journey, you need to go and wash your pits, there is no way you are coming near my girl like that" And keep smiling?? If he gets defensive you would just need to repeat yourself, say it is unhealthy and unhygienic and you are not happy for A to be around it.
The choice is then his, either he finds a toilet nearby and has a quick wash, or he doesn't hang around.
Or perhaps send him a text saying something similar before he visits, saying that he was well honky last time and please would he make sure he smells fresher next time, then take some wipes with you when you next meet if he is smelly.
We have to do these things with kindness in our hearts, as I am sure that he must know it and if you can make light of it with him, rather than get seethe underneath, it might be a way forward??
As he doesn't visit for long, and it's not regular visits, such as weekly etc, I don't think I would say anything to be honest. You've already mentioned it haven't you, so he does know. When he visits does he go into every room? Perhaps open the windows when he is around? If it's an ongoing problem, didn't you notice when you were dating?
For now, all I can suggest is open the windows, and spray some air freshner or something. Poo!!