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So, ive had a new friend (hes a single dad) for a while now, but ive decided to stop it in its tracks, ion terms of it possibly developing into a relationshiop between us both. I like the friendship and comfort, and hes great with my child, hes very caring and kind and supportive of me.
However, just because somebody has these qualities, it doesnt mean that that i SHOULD have a romantic relationship with them right? I dont feel that side is there between us both, which makes me sad, as all the other qualities are so great!! I felt as if i was cligning onto the security of what i felt he bring, rather than the fact that i was attracted to him. I feel there shoulc be a weight between the two.
The big 'pull', was the fact that hes a single dad and good with my child. But, i cannot base a relationship soley on children, right?
Was hoping that, somebody may share with me their stories of relationships. and perhaps the shared feelings of falling for the comfort and security as a single parent, rather than the actual romantic side of things.
yeh thank you, i feel somtimes 'shallow' for these feelings, or as if perhaps im focussing too much upon attraction, rather than other quakities, but overall i feel there isnt enough. I wonder if it could grow? Im not sure., This is what has casued me a few problems lately, as im inpatient and id like to know NOW if we're going to work out .
Oh well, i guess only time will tell and theres no need to push it. It will either happen or it wont.
I think there's a lot to be said for friendship... Is he happy for it to stay at this level?
I'm afraid I have rather a bad track record with relationships (all three!! Hahahahaaa!)
yes - we're both happy to stay friends :) i just get anxious and i want to decide in my mind, exactly what i want.
Yes, I know what you mean, I always like to know the far end of everything too. But often, we can't, and so we have to let go the idea of being in control of events. I wonder if there is something you could do when you feel this feeling of impatience? Could you find a phrase that you can say to yourself, to "soothe" yourself? I use a really ancient one which is a famous quote but it is just an old fashioned way of saying " I am safe and everything will be ok"
The quote is from a 14th century medieval religious mystic woman called Julian of Norwich "
Whether you want to do it the 14th century way or the 21sty century way, it all comes down to the same thing: have confidence that events will unfold for you in the right way.
I am sure others will be along to share their stories but I just wanted to say that you are quite right, you cannot force a romantic connection and as well as all the qualities you have mentioned, you do actually have to fancy them!
After my divorce, someone introduced me to this chap who was a single dad. He was a very nice man (went on about his ex too much though)with a lad the same age as my eldest. I did not fancy him, though he wanted us to get together and a couple of years later we were at the same social event and I thought wow I was right not to go out with him! Now, don't get me wrong, these things sometimes can grow, but I do believe there has to be a physical attraction.