I am a young single mum to a daughter of 9 and work part time. i have a two bed council flat in T. In july 2011 my mum was evicted from her concil house in L due to rent arrears, she had lived there for 15yrs. Although she did have rent arrears, my personall feelings of the reason for her eviction, i fear was more to do with the decanting of the carpenters estate, for use within the olympics. This really hit my mum hard, she became depressed and didnt tell anyone what was going on till days before her eviction date. My mum and brothers now 17 and 15 have been staying with me since this time (nearly two years). My mothers depression has improved but i think she has got used to the support from living with me as she is a single mum herself and does not work. She has not put herself on to the council register as she is fearful of them saying she has made herself intentionally homeless. My flat is to small for us all and my daughter is becoming increasingly resentfull of them being with us, as she no longer has her own room and own space. Most peoples reaction to my story is "kick her out" but cant bring my self to do this...
Thank you Anna.
My mum has alot of pride especially for a woman who has nothing. When i breach the subject with her she A) Gets emotional (which i find hard to see) B) Agrees completley with everything i say C) promises she will do somthing and then does nothing D) is nothing but polite to me but i feel takes her frustrations out verbally on my brothers. The informatio from shelter was good and reassured me that even if she does get found intentionally homeless, there will still be surrport for her out there. I got the housing forms from the council filled a set in and gave to her to sign along with blank ones, She told me she took them in but then i found them hidden.
I think she needs some emotional surpport tho she would never admit to this. I contacted social services but they said my brothets didnt sound like they were at risk so couldnt help the C.A.B unfortunatley were not much help. The council will obviously only deal with her direct but i cant get her to seek help from them or any one else.
Hi clairestar, what a trickey situtation, there is not a whole lot that you can do unless your mum chooses to get help for herself.
Are you able to go with her to drop of the housing forms? if your mums feeling low do you think that she would go talk with her doctor about how she is feeling?
The fact that she will not seek help for herself is the problem.I feel the only thing i can do is kick her out and let her sort out her own problems as she seems to be taking advantage of the situation. I have started the everyday assertivness course lol
I'm sorry you're facing this. Best wishes and good luck with sorting. I really don't know what to suggest.
Thank you all x
Hi clairestar, I hope you find the Assertiveness course useful, you are in a difficult situation, however you do need to put yourself and your daughter first.
What do you think of the suggestion of getting those housing forms again, filling them out, making an appointment with the council then taking your mum out for a coffee and then tell her you are going to the council together as the situation can't continue much longer without it affecting your health and wellbeing?
You do need to be assertive so that your mum needs to know that you are serious.
Hi Anna, Thank you that is a good idea.
I am working on the assertivness.
I am going away with my girl in july. So was thinking of using this as a way of giving mum notice and using your idea of taking her to the council befor i go. This is a way of avoiding the tension around my daughter, as the last time i spoke to my mum my dughter was out but mum was still quite upset when she got home.
Hi clairestar, well done, you are making the effort to make changes therefore changes will come.
Knowledge is power, so by finding out as much as you can means that when you do broach it with your mum, you won't be swayed by her words. I would get the forms and visit the council with her as soon as possible. July is not far away and she may not be housed that quickly.
Your mum will find this difficult, it sounds as though she has enjoyed being in the care of someone else, however she is not your responsibility. Have you spoken with your brothers about how they can support her?
Hi Anna, i always find a reason to put it off. No i havent really spoken to the boys about it, as i dont feel its any more there responsibility than mine. I dont feel that i know myself how to support her so couldnt advise them. i wanted to be a crutch but have ended up being a wheel chair and dont want them to end up the same.
No you are absolutely right, you have done an awful lot already, however you are a family and the boys are old enough to carry some of the responsibility, either of where they live and/or helping mum sort new accommodation out.
She might actually hear it better from them? You never know?
Anna you may well have a point. i have been trying to "protect" them, but maybe what i should be doing is enabling them to take control, after all they will be the ones living with her. I have worried about hurting the relationship with my brothers and mum but will rest on the fact that no matter what happens my intentions were good ones.
Hi clairestar, i was wondering if you have any other family members i.e brother/sister/aunt that could have a word or support you with this?
Hi Sally, I do have a brother 18mnths older then me. He was in care from age 13 he went to social services because he didnt "like" the treatment he was given by my mum or her partner at the time. I left two wks later and spent 3mnths with a family my self but chose to go home. For this reason he has a different relationship with my mother and brothers and is reluctant to get involved.He blames himself for my mothers on set of depression and still feels guitly for "leaving us" his words.
Also my best friend lost her mum suddenly, just before christmas for this reason i feel very guilty moaning about my mum to her. I have a sister who is nearly 20.She also lived with my mum when she was evicted, and came to stay with me when mum did. But couldnt cope with lack of space and staying with friends in another borough and has a job and is trying to secure council accomadation there. Altough recently told me shes upset that she no longer feels part of the family. As i said in my original post everyone just tells me to kick her out which is obviously what i need to do but is easier said then done.
I have come here for a little support which i have been given and is greatly apprecited x
You are very welcome, Clairestar 
There has been a lot going on for you in the past and now, and it sounds as if you have worked very hard to achieve family harmony and that is why it goes against the grain to "disrupt" things. Sadly, one fact remains: if you do nothing then the current situation will continue and the only person who can change things is you. But is is Ok to decide to do nothing, if that is what you decide
Thank you Louise.
Your right all i want is for every one to be happy. I Know what i need to do, but dont yet have the courage to do it. This seems to be the hardest thing ive ever done. I have done so much and feel like this is the one thing that is holding me back. Im angry with her for putting me in such a situation id never do this to my daughter. Past christmases and birthdays and in between, ive done it all for the kids and let her take the credit. When i did step back and focus on my life she got evicted and ended up on my door step with nothing. I've worried about her all my life and im sure this will continue after she leaves.
It is understandable if you have been looking out for your mum most of your life that you are having difficulties in tackling this, and your right you will probably continue to look out for her once she has moved on.
Hope you get it sorted soon xx
Hi clairestar and welcome to One Space. I am sorry to read that you are having these difficulties.
It sounds as though you have been an absolute rock for your mum and I can't imagine how hard it is trying to live in a 2 bed flat with 5 people! I am not surprised your daughter would like her own space and I wouldn't be surprised if you would too.
Have you raised the subject of her getting her own place again recently? Perhaps mentioning that the boys would probably like a bit of space too?
Have a look at this information from Shelter about being evicted because of rent arrears and being intentionally homeless, they also have a helpline on their site too.
I guess you have two choices, kick her out and hope that she lands on her feet or perhaps at this point try and gather as much information you can about her rights from the Council, from organisations like Shelter and know that she does have options.
Its a difficult situation, so let us know what you think.