Suicide | One Space

Hopeful

No3 son has come home from a stay at 'bad friend's' mum's house. The mum's partner had a son who was staying there and was self-harming. Last week, he hung himself.

No3 son is visibly upset, he said he liked this boy when he talked about him before, and he didn't understand the self-harm and was concerned for him. I've offered to talk to him but he says 'it's better to leave people alone when they have something to deal with'.

Not that I have any real answers for him anyway, but I am upset that my son is upset (and of course for that poor boy who died).

Any ideas?

Posted on: May 12, 2012 - 2:36pm

littleredhen

how sad

there might be some help here

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide.html

http://www.childline.org.uk

Posted on: May 12, 2012 - 3:47pm

Anna

Online

Parenting specialist

Thanks for the links littleredhen.

Hopeful - your poor son must feel devastated, I think hearing of a suicide is a shock for everyone around, you included.

I get the impression that your son didn't know the boy particularly well, however he may experience feelings of anger at the boy for hurting other members of the family and apparently it is common for teens to envisage how the suicide occurred and imagine some horrific scenarios, so be gentle with your son at this time.

Your son may also feel guilty that he didn't /couldn't do anything to help, even if he didn't know him too well. If your son is finding it hard to come to terms with you could suggest that he write a letter to the lad, telling him everything that he wishes he could have. This could then be buried, burnt or left somewhere that reminds your son of him.

All these emotions will be what his step brother may well be feeling too, so you could talk to your son about them, so that he can pass them on if needs be. I imagine his family are going through some horrific emotions and hopefully supporting each other.

You could put a card through the letter box with your condolences and say you are there if they or the 'bad friend' need you.

Have a gentle evening hopeful this is such a dreadful shock.

Posted on: May 12, 2012 - 6:34pm

sparklinglime

Hopeful, I'm so sad to read your post.

I can only imagine how devastated your son is, and this lad's family.

I'm sorry your son is having to deal with this - and you too.

Posted on: May 12, 2012 - 6:53pm

hazeleyes

Hopeful, like others, I am so sorry that you're now having to deal with this, to help your son understand, come to terms with such a tragic ending of a young life. I don't know what to suggest, only be there for your son (as you always are), maybe let him talk to you in his own good time. Hugs to you all. xx

Posted on: May 13, 2012 - 9:51am

Hopeful

What is it with people? No3 son just came home for 5 minutes to report the following:

His friend rung him saying he couldn't wake up his mum. No3 son and other friend went to see and she'd taken overdose of painkillers. Not one of them thought to ring 999, but luckily neighbour came and saw and rang ambulance. Am so praying for this woman and her children.

No3 son says he is ok and his friend, too (although I saw friend when No3 son went out again, and he doesn't look alright, but I don't think he'd talk to me - he doesn't really know me).

Posted on: May 25, 2012 - 7:22pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Oh my goodness, and your poor son has had two bad experiences so close together, and yes it is to be hoped that the lady will make a decent recovery...her poor children. It is difficult to imagine the despair that she must have been feeling and hopefully she will get some support, and so will the children

Posted on: May 25, 2012 - 7:40pm