hi my name is emma-jayne im a 22 year old surviver of domestic abuse and my ex husdand got my 2 children taken off me and adopted because of the domestic abuse i got told by social services where i couldnt protect myself how was i supposed to protect my kids but 3 years on and ive finally meet a lovely fella and we are haveing our first child of our relationship i still put my gaurds up thought when he gets really loving and supportive towards me and i know that hurts my new fella so ive booked myself in for some domestic violance councling to get rid of the left over junk in my loft and to get the answers to my questions the biggest question that still haunts me is why me
thank you im already doing the online course but i will look at the artical
Hi emma-jayne. Yours is such a sad story, and my heart goes out to you. Hopefully one day your children will come and look for you, and realise the pain that you also went through. Perhaps you could still buy cards and maybe a little present here and there, so when you do meet up one day, you can show them how you thought of them everyday, and how loved they are. I'm delighted that you got out of this abusive relationship, and thrilled to hear that you have made a start at moving on. You're expecting another baby too which is fantastic news. It'll take time to fully trust your new partner, but you'll get there. Keep posting for the support from everyone on here.
awwww thank you and i do i write letters and keep them in indevidaul boxes and i buy the xmas cards and birthday cards and prezzys so then i can show them that i never forgot about them i know it will take me time but im going to get some domestic violance counsling ive been with my partner for a year and a half so i should trust him but i carnt help it that i got so badly hurt
That's lovely emma-jayne that you do the cards and pressies.
Of course it isn't your fault that you were hurt so badly, and your partner sounds very patient, understanding etc. When do you start the counselling?
i go for a first assessment thing middle of this month and start councling in jan so not to long really he really is patient and understanding and loving and everything that most men aint really x
Hi emma-jayne you are a very brave lady and sounds like you have been through such an awfull time,i am so glad you have found happiness and have met somone who treats you like you deserve to be treated,
I know how it feels to come through domestic violence my sons dad was violent through out the 7 years i was with him,i got with him when i was 16 and young and naive the violence started almost straight the way,it was awful up to the point where i couldnt go out for a week because i had a really bad black eye,and i often think why,and i think they just want to crush all the spirit out of you and take away your identity,well it didnt quite work did it lol and take away the hard man act they are just pathetic weak bullys.who will never be truly happy in life.
You are with a new man and expecting a baby and i havent been with him 8 years and wouldnt be the person i am today if it wasnt for going through what i did altho no one should have to go through that,i dont take any crap from men! and i am as happy as i can be.
elle, it's great that you've come through this too. These men are exactly that. Weak, pathetic, and quite frankly don't deserve the title 'man'.
emma-jayne, when is the baby due? No it isn't long until the counselling, so stay strong, trust in your new partner, and enjoy the pregnancy.
yer dats the same as me hun x i got with my ex when i was 14 for 3 years it was fantastic even when i found out i was pregnant at 17 it went fine but as soon as i got married at 17 and a half and that ring went on my finger i was his property and i lost my identity and got beating everyday but i was to scared to ring the police on him and plus i didnt want social services to take my unborn baby of me but when i gave birth to my baby he decided it was time to go to the lowest of the low and rape his own wife a nurmurus time not just once i was never aloud to wear what i wanted or eat i was just good enothe to bring up a baby and do the house wrok and jump to his every bek and call but it got to the point where i rung the police as the violance was around my child but social services got involved and took my little girl and then i found out i was preg with my little boi and socialservices took him and adoptd them xx and thats what i say if i never went through what i went through then i wouldnt be who i am today a stronger person and ive never been as happy as i am either but i do push my new bloke away a little bit as i ask myself do i really deserve all this alls i ever had was beatings so i has left me wondering what i really do deserve and i now it hurts my new bloke but he is understanding and supportive with my healing process x
this message is to ella81
hazeleyes my baby is due on the 9th july 2012 im going to stay strong and do the counsling untill i dont need it anymore even if it two years i do trust my partner but its hard to acccept it and im really enjoying my pregancy at the mo not as much as i want to as i feel sick every 5 minites but im not sick so its really annoying looool x
i was 17 and a half when i started gettin the beatings x and thank you x
Hi emma-jayne. Your posts really do make me well up with tears. Such an awful life you had with him, and so courageous for a young girl, (as you were then). You deserve a wonderful life, (and yes you do deserve it). No one should be treated in the way that you have been. It's great to read that you have a happy ending to such a sad start in adult life. Hope the sickness goes away soon
Hi emma-jayne
The counsellor will help you feel better about yourself so that you can start to believe that you DO deserve a good and kind relationship. You have been through so much, though, that it will take a while. There is a helpful short piece here about being in a new relationship after abuse
As for the sickness, it might help to know that it generally peaks in weeks 9 and 10 and then starts to tail off...fingers crossed anyway
Emma jayne hope the morning sickness has eased up a bit maybe herbal tea mite help hope you are well x
Hi emma-jayne, thanks for sharing your story with us, I just wanted to pop in and say Hi and Congratulations on your pregnancy and also Be Kind to Yourself.
You ask in your first post "Why Me?", this is a very common question amongst survivors. You say that you are doing the Freedom Programme online, have you found any answers??
Do you ever get to see your children?
Hello emma-jayne
Welcome to One Space. I am so sorry to hear about what you went through and at the age of only 19, my heart goes out to you. Sadly, parents can lose contact with their children if they are unable to escape the abisuve partner. Well done for finally making the break and I am so pleased to hear that you have met someone new and are expecting another child.
The counselling will help you loads, and I have a couple more suggestions for you, have a look at this article about Learning to Trust, and also why not have a go at our free online course, called The Freedom Programme, it is designed for survivors like yourself and there is no pressure, you just do things at your own pace and can decide whether to have a free handbook as well, it honestly is fab.