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Here's the question: How do you 'encourage' friendships with people that are a fantastic influence on your teenager? (I thought I'd go at it from this side as 'discouraging' bad influences is infinitely harder and also puts a negative spin on it).
My daughter (15) has some close friends who are ok, there's nothing really wrong with them, they're just normal teenage girls I suppose. There is the daughter of one of my friends, however, who is fantastic for my daughter and will bring out the best in her. Unfortunately she is in the year behind and at a different school. She came with me in the summer holidays and the two of them got on really really well. They shared a room for the two weeks, and had a great time, doing all sorts of things.
Now we're back this girl seems forgotten to my daughter - my daughter has not contacted her once, but is always out with her other friends (I suppose catching up with them is important to her, and that's ok).
I don't want her to not go out with those friends - as I say, they are fine, there is nothing wrong with them - but I want her to also spend time with this other friend.
I have arranged with the mother (who is my friend) that we'll get together one evening and she'll bring the chilli and I'll do the salad and baked potatoes and we'll play cards together. My friend and I are quite happy to make that a monthly thing, we all like playing games, but I feel that it would be so nice, if my daughter went off her own back and spent some time with this girl.
Any ideas?
It's not like this is a 'new' person. They've known each other for at least four years. Big sigh!
Yes indeed, sometimes I think having teenagers would try the patience of a saint, it is much harder than toddlers in my view!
Did anyone ever tell you who to be friends with? The fact is that no matter how much you encourage this , she will choose her own path. I know I chose my own friends and no matter who I flitted in and out with, the ones I stuck with are the ones who were loyal. Maybe just put some more faith in her own choices. I don't profess to be an expert and mine aren't teenagers yet but I know the most important thing from my mums point of view was getting to know the friends we did have. Fact is she now has 4 adult children and we all have good strong circle of friends who our parents adore. My youngest sister is now running about with a little girl who is foul mouthed and unpredictable but guess what? Within reason, she'll let her find out for herself. Your girl might get on ok with this girl but choosing friends is like choosing a partner, the spark has to be there!
Goodness me, you're making me out to be a totally controlling person!
A) My daughter chooses her own friends. (And yes, my parents tried to 'discourage' certain friendships when I was young, and no, it didn't work)
B) She gets on with this particular girl really really well, your 'spark' as you call it is there, but they go to different schools, so it is natural that people who are constantly around are more top of the list.
When we see something that is good for our children, we naturally want to encourage it. I am not forbidding my daughter to see anybody.
(No3 son btw runs around with kids that get drunk and some of them take drugs. I trust him to make the right choices although I know he's tried drugs and he has had a drink.).
We did have our card playing evening and are making it a monthly thing - even the boys joined in and everybody had a great time.
I don't think anyone was thinking of you as controlling, Hopeful, just steering your daughter in the right direction and asking if anyone had tips to help with this 
SA you're right about teens in that they are contrary, as those of us with them know only too well. When you have a teenager you can feel quite helpless as a parent as you see some of the choices your youngster makes. I certainly feel that with my youngest, and he is in theory past the hardest age.
For those whose children have not yet reached the teenage years, you have all these delights to come!
I certainly didn't mean to portray you as controlling, I know this is a minefield! My point was simply that although this can be encouraged (the card night is a fab idea), it can't be forced. I think if they are to develop a friendship it will happen naturally and you have said that her existing mates are nice enough girls - give them a chance too!
Louise , I made the point in my last post that I still had this to come, I'm under no illusions, I was simply commenting on my experience with my own family and as I say I think my parents dealt with it well.
Hello SA, yes it is all to come (secret eeeeeek) and I do think your parents sound as if they dealt with it very well 
Well like I say, we all have good friends. My youngest sister is only little and I fully expect her to bring her own challaenges. She is a real character and my parents are a lot older now. It won't be easy.
I have to say that some of the friends I have, they wouldn't have chosen for me but now they are almost part of the family.
Being a single parent to teenager cannot be easy but then being a single parent to a baby or toddler or a schoolchild all bring their own challenges, we can all only do our best!
Your right seriouslyannoyed we can only do our best!
It's a great idea to invite them both over; it will probably take some time before your daughter takes the initiative. As adults, we understand that it is good and interesting to have friends of different ages and from different backgrounds but at 15, you really, really care about your own little clique and she will be loath to think she is missing out on anything whatsoever. Of course, teens are also rather contrary so just as criticising an undesirable friend would push a teen towards them, so being too enthusiastic about this girl may well put your daughter off her!
So I would say carry on with the monthly meets and maybe there will be an opportunity for the girls to have a sleepover? (which would give them some time on their own)