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NOTE FROM MODERATOR: THIS POST IS BY CHRISSIE84 AND BEEN TRANSFERRED FROM INTRODUCE YOURSELF
Hi 
I do have friends and family but at the moment i dont see much of my
friends i think they have kind of forgotten about me and just assume i
cant come out with them coz il have no sitter and they always make plans
through the day n forget to invite me along :(
as for family yes my mum is great with k my lil girl but my mum
suffers from very bad depression n my dad works alot, as for k's dad hes
not around hasnt been since i was 5 months pregnant, i feel very alone
and havent been too sure how to overcome this also i think k has hit
terrible twos and i dont know how to deal with her temper tantrums and i
feel terrible when i shout at her, ive tried takin things away from her
puttin her in bed naughty corner but nothing seems to work or maybe am
just being too soft! any suggestions on how to help k over come the
terrible twos is very welcome
i also will look forward to chatting too and hope to make some new friends :)
REPSONSE FROM HAZELEYES:
Hi chrissie. How about sticking to the just the one thing with your
daughter, as it might be confusing, taking things away, putting her in
bed, naughty corner. Perhaps stick to one thing, the'reflection corner,
tell her what she is there for, and she must stay there for 2 and half
mins. Do you have an alarm clock? Set that, and explain when it goes
off, why you put her there, and ask her to say sorry for what she had
done. Any method we use is always hard at first, but with time, it does
get easier. (if we stick to it of course)
Hi Chrissie84
It is great to see you here . I do agree with hazeleyes that consistency is the key with little ones and it sounds as if the whole situation has been frustrating for you and you are reacting just how you think at the time. One thing that will help is to think about it AWAY from the situation, ie when she is asleep make a battle plan, heh heh. You have used the naughty corner method but you have identified the one drawback: what if they do not stay there? (it does not seem to happen on Supernanny does it?) Hazeleyes has suggested you call this the reflection corner, or another way to say it is the thinking corner. If you use this method then if she comes out you have to be very firm and say "No, the time is not finished yet, go back in the corner until the bell goes" and set the bell again. In other words this method can be very confronational.
Let's have a think about what else you can do. I suggest that the first thing is to avoid the behaviour in the first place. In other words when it is bedtime, you do not say "Right it is bedtime", you could say "Do you want to wear you pink jamas or your blue tonight?" whilst steering her upstairs. In other words, offer her DISTRACTING choices whilst what you really want to happen just sort of happens automatically. Another key technique is to ignore bad behaviour and praise praise praise good behaviour. See this article: Praise.
It would be good to meet other parents as well, ask your Health Visitor about local toddler groups and click here to find your nearest Children Centre to find out about all the things that are going on there, you could make some new friends. As for your existing friends, maybe you need to be the one to contact them. How about organising an evening at your house?
Here is a great book to help you as well: How not to be a perfect mother. The used copies are quite cheap!
Do stay with us, there is lots of support here
thankyou to everyone who has given me advice it is really helpful n nice to finally meet people who can offer some advice and suggest things to me i feel much more relaxed about dealing with my daughters bad behaviour, i havent dealt with it well because she has always been really good and now the drawing an the walls and other stuff she gets up to i just got stuck on how to give her into trouble without going totally over the top.
i am certainly going to try these methods and keep you all posted on how i am getting on if thats ok :)
one thing i will say is she is brilliant at going to bed at bedtime she always asks to go because she likes to have her bath then get ready for bed and sit with me and have a bedtime story or two :)
thankyou everyone, i appreciate your help :)
Yes, please do see how you get on, it is good to have the day to day support and also good for us to know your news The bedtime thing, that is great if she goes Ok, you can use the technique I suggested for other things that are less easy!
Hi chrissie84, I used to shout at my daughter when she was your daughters age and now I look back and am so shocked at myself, they are so little and so desperately need us (although it doesn't seem like it!)
I would really urge you to find a parenting programme, I did and it saved my life and my relationship with my daughter! It sounds as though Theresa7 found it helpful too.
All discipline techniques take time to settle in and persistance on our part, really is the key. Your daughter is still so very small and the sooner you can learn ways of nipping situations in the bud the better, because the older she gets, the bigger she gets the more serious the situations.
One technique is lowering your voice rather than shouting, our children need to know that when mum/dad gives us 'that look' or speaks in 'that tone' that we mean business!
Another thing that helped me, was the 5 minute notice period. "We are going to get your shoes on in a minute to go to the shops" or "When I have finished the washing up, we are going to go upstairs and put your toys away"
When we are not feeling particularly happy, our kids pick up on it, they so desperately need us to be strong and the ones in control, that if they feel that we are weakening they can become frightened and kick up a fuss. Do you feel that your confidence is low at the moment?
Hiya Louise,
When my son was very little, I never used going to bed as a punishment. The reason for that was he didnt really sleep till he was 5 years old. Therefore I didnt want him to associate going to bed with being naughty, I wanted him to like going to bed.
If my son was naughty, I used to make him sit on the bottom stair, and when I used to put him there, I used to say "you need to sit here and think about what youve just done for 2 minutes!" I would leave him there to think, then go back to him after the two minutes and ask him to say sorry.
I went on a positive parenting course when my son was really small and their advice was to give warnings before you put them in time out. I used to say to my son, "if you dont stop doing that you will be put into time out, its YOUR choice!" After a while, you could see his face, it really did work.
Their advice was also to "catch them being good!" Try to focus on good behaviour and when kids are playing nice or just doing something like drawing quietly, say things like, "I love the way you kids are playing nice!" or "Look at how well you are drawing there!" They think then, "oh, she noticed me doing that", its just a way of them getting attention for doing good things rather than bad.
I know its not always that easy, but I used to do it with my son and for most of the time it worked well.
Theresa7