that time of year again ... where everyone has it better than you ?!?!?

pink lilly

So, and before i start ... i know i shouldn't feel like this as its compleetley irrational! But i do feel like this .....

i look out of my gareden, and there's large family gatehrings and bbq's and holidays abroad and trips out to expensive places etc etc etc ...

I just feel the odd one out, i feel left out and as if my life is s**t compared to everbody elses. I feel really down in myself, and i find myself clining to frineds for company ALL THE TIME which is impossible, i need time to myself and at times its inevitable that i'll be alone. I feel suffocated at the thought of being alone and it makes me feel sick!

Anybody else get this? What do i do to not feel this way?

Posted on: May 18, 2014 - 3:46pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Ooh pink lilly I really understand what you're saying, I had this for several years, and the idea of a full weekend with no arrangements used to throw me into such a panic and I used to end up going places and spending time with people that I did not even like, just not to be on my own.

I can tell you that a lot of the time, people are not really enjoying things, and of course "showing off" on Facebook does not help. Just think of the number of people we have on here that have escaped from abusive/unhappy relationships and they ofen say "to the outside world we were the perfect family" However, knowing all that probably does not help you any more than it helped me at the time. It wasn't even that I was desperate for a new partner, I wanted to be in a big, busy, loving family like The Waltons on telly.There was a lot of envy there for me, jealousy is a bad character fault of mine that I have had to to do a lot of work on.

My favourite book, the one I always go on about (see here) says very clearly that we are not ready to be in a relationship until we are happy to be alone. But it's not as easy as that, I reckon it ges back further and at the root of it is our self-esteem in that we look to others to validate us as a good person. So self esteem is the thing to work on. How? One way is to spend time thinking about the qualities we have and NOT to spend time with people who bring us down (impossible sometimes, I realise) Have a look at our article here on Self Esteem.

I know this has not been much help but I wanted you to know how much I sympathise and you are not alone!!!

Posted on: May 18, 2014 - 5:18pm

pink lilly

Hi Louise,

thats actually very useful. I've been working on myself for years, and its taken me this long to have the sense of self that i do have. I still have time to go, until i feel fully comfportable on myown, I will get there though, i am determind,

Thanks for your help

Posted on: May 20, 2014 - 8:12pm

pink lilly

Hi Sally,

i love walking, exercising, reading books - fiction and non fiction, i want to learn to knit clothes, i love cooking, i love art, i love music and im learning the guitar at the mo :)

I also intend on doing courses on here through the summer, so yeh, now come to think of it, i have lots to do for myself and myself i will work on :)

I'll let you know how i get on, thanks both.

Posted on: May 21, 2014 - 7:31am

sparklinglime

The one that bothers me is where you see people having a shopping spree.

The only shopping spree I have would involve filling the cupboards and fridge with food! Clothes and shoes are definitely a luxury!

I hope you're ok pink lilly.

Posted on: May 22, 2014 - 4:24am

Louise

Parenting specialist

The children feel that sort of thing a lot less than we do, until they become teenagers that is. My eldest's best friend used to have pristine new Marks and Spencers everything whilst he had "boy down the road's cast-offs" (one of the ladies whose house I used to clean, and very glad I was to get the stuff too)

I would also like to say that over the last few years I have come across quite a few families where there is a lot of money, but what the child/teen really wants is their parents' time and attention, that is something we can ALL give our children.

Posted on: May 24, 2014 - 7:24am

Immi

Totally empathise! I've begun to really learn to love my time alone now but there was a while when on the weekends I didn't have the kids I would turn almost manic trying to fill the time and panicking like hell if none of my friends were available to see!

That jealousy is a huge thing for more people than you'd think. I'm not afraid to admit that I get very jealous of other people's lives. I have a small group of friends in London and their weekend instagrams and tweets kill me - I find myself pining so hard for the city I love and just the freedom to be able to go to the exhibitions and the gigs and the cool arty events. But then I also look at my friends who have kids and husbands, and despite preferring being a single parent, I find myself longing for the family unit - even though I know I don't really want it.

The grass is always greener.

Often it's a case of pushing past it. The first weekend I faced with nothing to fill my time, I was almost in tears at the thought of it but it came and went... and it was actually kind of nice. Now I find myself making an effort to make sure I have one morning free at least, and I find myself disappointed if I don't get it.

Posted on: July 4, 2014 - 11:46am