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Hi, I'm new to the forum. I have a little boy who will be 3 in march. He's such a good boy most of the time but is constantly hitting me. He hits me for attention, out of frustration, when he's bored. If I ignore it he throws things at me.
I've tried the naughty step, I've tried sticker charts, I've tried shouting, I've tried taking his toy off him. This has been going on foor about 18 months and seems to be getting worse. He'll say sorry after but will hit me again five minutes later and it's getting me so angry and frustrated!
Also to be clear I don't mean hitting as in tapping me to get my attention I mean slaps round the face, punches, kicks etc
So does anyone have any other ideas I can try to get him to stop doing it?
I've always used the naughty step which works for everything else. I tried other things for about 4-6 weeks before looking for somethign else to try. He's so lovely in every other way I don't know why he does it! Thank you for your reply :) x
Hi Colie and welcome to One Space 
Is your son going to nursery? Has he picked up this behaviour from somewhere? When he does lash out, how do you feel? Angry or upset? (They are very good at picking up our feelings and maybe they feel the same way and want you to express it to them?)
My daughter used to lash out at your son's age. There was a lot going on in our life with her father, so I think she was confused and frustrated and didn't know how to express it. I went and spoke to my health visitor about it. This was my solution:
When she would started kicking or hitting, I would grab her to my body and hold her reasonably tight (show I was the boss and also make her feel safe) until she had calmed down, then I would turn her around and look into her face and say 'You seem really cross but it is not ok to hit mummy, do you understand?' If she started up again, I would do it again. If she nodded or said that she did understand I would get up and do something completely different to take her mind off it, like lets go and get the lego out and build a castle.
I can't honestly remember how long it took, but in my mind only a couple of times, but she is 18 years old now and we have a great relationship!
Our children want us to recognise and name how they are feeling. 'You must be angry', 'you look frustrated', 'you look sad', this helps them with learning about emotions and also tells them that mum understands.
Do you think this is something you could do?
Hi, he does go to nursery, I have been told by another parent that he and another boy rule the roost so to say with nursery but the hitting started before. He had a rather tough first year of life but is settled now. He doesn't speak very well and doesn't understand long sentences so the staff at the nursery and I try to use 1 or 2 word sentences. I'll try the holding thing and see how it goes. I feel upset when he does it, he's made me cry by headbutting me and splitting my lip but he doesn't get upset, he'll just go and do something else or think it funny. It is so frustrating because it's the only issue we have.
Hi Colie, sometimes you have to try a technique for quite a while this can be months rather than weeks, it's the repeatativeness that is the key, then again different children respond differently to different techniques.
My suggestion would be to get a ribbon or piece of string and some coloured pegs and list somethings that your son likes as you are going to use these as incentives, they don't have to be anything that costs money, it could be things like going to feed the ducks or doing his favourite puzzle together or choosing what he has for lunch. You then hang up the string with some off the pegs on (say 5) and the idea is that you remove one of the pegs if he hits you, but the aim is that he keeps the pegs on the string by bribing him with an incentive.
I would suggest because of his age that you start small, you can say to your son something like "if all the pegs stay on the string this morning you can go feed the ducks this afternoon" you do the same with the afternoon "if we can keep all the pegs on you can choose what we have for dinner" and in the evening time "if you still have all your pegs by bedtime i will read you an extra story" you can use different incentives each time and use things that you might ordinarily be doing anyway as a way to help him.
This is a technique that worked really well with my nephew that had a speech delay, he was displaying challenging behaviour due to not being able to communicate how he felt and what he wanted.
Have the nursery made any other suggestions on how to improve your sons speech?
Thank you for your reply Sally, I'll try that and see how he gets on with it. He has cardds at school with pictures which the staff show hims o he knows when it's time for break or to get his coat on etc He has been to speech and language and the therapist said he actually has a very advanced vocabulary he just struggles putting the words together. He has autistic tendencies which the health visitors have been keeping an eye on since his 2 year chek, he's due anotehr review in 3 months and speech therapist wants to see him in 4 months
Hi Colie and welcome along.
It sounds as if you are in the process of getting used to how your son communicates and how he understands things. A lot of the hitting will be because he is frustrated at not being able to communicate in other ways. My younger son was very slow to talk and it helped to encourage him to use his other senses, he would often smell things or if it was a new word I would say it by placing my lips against his cheek.
Sally's peg idea is FAB so I hope you give it a try
Hi colie. Welcome along. You say you've already tried some things out, but nothing works. How long do you try them for? It could take weeks. I would stick to say, the time out, and the sticker chart. Has something happened recently that would make him react like this maybe? It could simply be the terrible 2's, which thankfully I didn't have, but he has to be told that it is wrong to be doing these things. Good luck.