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Hi all,
i m new here but thought I might be able to get some help as I don t know what to do anymore.My daughter is 10 and used to be very energetic, loved to go to school & socialise with her friends. A bit more than a year ago, one of her best friends drowned in a tragic swimming accident at a beach.Ever since, she has been melancholic, withdrawn and started to have problem at school by being very tearful.
Increasingly, she hated going to school as she would break down in tears at the slightest reason. last friday, she came home and said she would not go back to this school. She said that she had been standing in the playground crying many a time with teachers just walking past her but not actually addressing her. I have had discussions with her teacher about this but so far nothing has changed for her/leave alone improved.
Last Friday, she started crying in class and then in assembly and it appears to have taken at least half an hour before a teacher actually talked to her and tried to calm her down.
I have tried to workout with her why she cries as she has cried at school almost every other day (which is out of character). it appears that she does not dare to go and talk to the teacher for fear they will ignore her again. If ever she goes to medical because she feels unwell, they are not sympathetic towards her. I am increasingly under the impression that they ignore her as a child "who always cries anyway so why there is no point in talking to her"......
any advice where to go from here.... talking to the teacher again will be the next step, the headmaster... but what can be done practically to get the kid to school WITHOUT FEAR???
sorry for the long post.... but it just had to be said...
thanks for reading
yule
Hi yule. Welcome along to One Space. How dreadful for your daughter. Did she witness the drowning? Does she cry at home, or is it just at school? Did the bestfriend go to the same school, if not, I'm assuming you've told the school what happened. I agree with Bubblegum, that maybe if you take her along to the GP, she could perhaps be referred for some councelling. She is going through a bereavement, and like adults, it takes time, and sometimes a bit of councelling is needed.
Please keep posting so others can offer you some support through this.
x
hey,
your advice is really helpful. I will take her back to the gp who has not been very helpful so far. But my daughter just needs to see someone now. She did not witness the drowning but only learnt the sad news from the bbc evening news when she recognized her friend in a picture....
she has not cried at home in a long time but constantly has tears in her eyes when she only talks - even thinks about going back to school -. looking at the childline online info will really help her realize that she is not the only one who feels this way.... as I keep telling her/reassuring her....
Hi Yule. It sounds like you're doing all you can, ie, reassuring and telling her that everyone feels the way she does when they experience a loss. It must have been awful hearing the news in the way that she did. The poor thing. Does she still have contact with the friend's family? I've not been through this sort of thing with a child, (my son was 2 and half when his Nan, my Mum, died), and that was difficult enough. How about seeing if your daughter would maybe like to make a scrapbook filled with photos, writing things down in it, like what they liked to do together, fun things they got up too. Not sure if this would help, but it could be a start. As for the school thing, I would go in again and speak to the teacher, the Head, and hopefully they might even be able to offer some sort of support.
Hi
How devastating for your daughter, and heartbreaking for you.
I wonder if you can make an appointment with the school nurse? They can call to see you at home. A school nurse may have some access to appropriate counselling?
So different, I know, but I did call Cruse Bereavement
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ (hope this link is ok)
and they were incredibly helpful with my son when my Mum died.
Three years ago I lost me best friend - again so different as she was an adult, and died suddenly. The loss, however, is incredible.
Sending a load of virtual hugs for you and for your daughter.
Hello yule
I am glad you found us.The others have given you some great information and I hope that will help.
Reading your post, I am aware that it is now a year since the accident and it sounds to me as if whilst your daughter is understandably very sad about the loss of her friend, there is more to this now and maybe she has become depressed. The GP is a good initial port of call, as Bubblegum says.....and if they are unsympathetic, make an appointment with another partner in the practice.
I am concerned to hear that teachers take no notice of her crying...and wonder if, as you say, they almost think of it as the "norm" for her. The school may have contacts with a young people's counselling service so it is worth asking the Head about that, but I am quite surprised they have not suggested it themselves. If a child is too scared to go to school then it IS their responsibility!!!!
There is a fab charity called Winston's Wish, who are specialists in helping children who have been bereaved, their website is here and will give you some extra guidance
I know that alisoncam suggested a scrapbook and following on from that great idea, I am recommending a book to you...it is a workbook for young people who have lost someone close and you can work through it together. Just to have her grief acknowledged will mean so much to her. Click here to see the book.
Finally it will help your daughter to keep busy with enjoyable things to do and to see other friends, so do bear that in mind. Let us know how you get on, yule
Would she be willing to go to a doctor with you to get someone to talk too? I don't know about these things but there must be some sort of service to go to for this kind of thing. Even child line or the samaritans, I don't know but it would seem to me that she needs to talk to someone.
Sorry I cant be of much help, it must be sad for you.
Take care. : )