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Ok, so I have accepted the unfairness of my situation and know I have to go ahead with this farce of a trial. I have sent of my statement so my ex can read it and then completely rip it apart - I am now cool with that also. I have somebody from PSU willing to sit in court with me and also someone from Women's Aid (although she is slightly clueless on the legal stuff so probably use the PSU person). But today when I called the court PSU person he asked me had I thought about how I was going to go about cross examining my ex???? Errrr HELLO!!!!???? I am hearing this for the first time today with 7 days to go and NO I havent even given this the slightest consideration! What the hell is that about?! I thought I am going to testify and be cross examined nobody mentioned that lying, wife beating, bleep, bleep! would be taking the stand also and that I would have to cross examine him - FGS!
I am advised I dont have to do this but it just means his statement will go unchallenged and mine will be ripped to shreds!
Can someone please tell me I am in a nightmare and will wake up very shortly??!!!
Oh littleangel, I do hope the legal expert can help. What a horrid situation to be in.
Thanks Louise/Sparkling,
My head is so mushy I dont even know what questions to ask the legal expert right now. The PSU guy has talked me through HOW to do the cross examination but problem is I need to see his statement so I know which parts I want to cross examine him on, but of course his statement has still not been submitted (should have been yesterday, but mine was submitted late and he needed mine beofre he could write his) so there is every chance I wont see hi statement until 5 mins before I walk in to the court room and will have to just improvise or maybe I just wont bother like you say Louise, but then I feel he will get away with saying whatever he likes about me -- grrrr catch 22!
I wonder if you could ask our legal expert or the PSU whether you can have half an hour to mull over his statement if it is not submitted before the court date, or ask if you can get the court date to be adjourned, so you have time to prepare?
hi little angel hope you are feeling ok
sorry have not much time so will be a bit rushed! I wondered if you could could sit down calmly and imagine the cross examination scenario in you head eg what you will ask him and what he will respond etc. I feel sure you will know (approximately) what he will say to everything, then you can think of appropriate response etc. When you are happy you have covered everything memorise it, practice out loud etc I agree it is a shame to let him off the hook,
best wishes
Cheers Anna, I think I will ask for some time to read the statement but not for it to be adjourned as I cant take any more of the waiting. I am fully expecting a final decision on Monday and if I get anything but that (i.e. another court date) I think I may just start throwing chairs about lol
Thanks Fairyface, Ihave thought about it and decided that he is most definately going to make accusations about my mental statefor which I will have a full report from my GP so I will challenge anything on that. I also suspect he will throw all kinds of accusations out about my boyf and I think I will just ignore it because he has no proof and it will be so obviously bitter on his part (as stated in CAFCASS report). Other than that for any made up thingshe may say about my parenting I have a full assessment from SS and angel's school reports so think I am backed up enough to challenge anything - hopefully!
I know this is naughty but any accusations that he makes he would need to back them up, ie: like he did with CAFCASS.
I was reading an article today and thought you might be interested Domestic violence laws will now criminalise mental torment, mind games and money controls too
fairyface has some good ideas about practicing sentences that would counteract elements of his statement.
It is so infuriating that you have sent all that you need to the courts and he can give it to you on the actual day.
It is Anna but I doubt I can argue as he will say it my fault for sending my statement 1 week late BUT it was the court who sent me the order 2DAYS after it was due! I guess this is where a solicitor would have helped as they would have chased it all up for me etc. but never mind I dont have that luxury.
My ex can make all the accusations he wants about my boyf but there is no proof my boyf works security on an office block and is police checked every year or so he has no records and has never even had a speeding ticket. And that said my boyf doesnt live with me anyway so I am hoping the court will dismiss anything about him.
I have been practising (in my head not aloud lol) what I will say my main focus has to be staying calm and composed but the PSU said he will help me with that. All my anxiety meds have gone now and doc wont give me any more as they addictive 
probably est as id have probaly taken ten on monday lol
I will have a read of that article, im so glad the law is starting to act better in terms of DV. I met a lady in her 60's who was married to an abusive man for 33 years and she said he once raped her so bad she ended up in hospital but when the police came they told her he could not be charged with rape as she was married to him and rape in marriage didnt exist!!! Am so glad we are moving forward from those days.
hi hun aw ope everythin goes ok, thinkon of u, ive ad a lettre regardin mediation, thought mediation wasnt recomended in domestic violence casesxx
thats what I thought too. I was advised against it and refsed the offer.
well il speak to my soliciter, in my case mediation wont work, the first session is free and just me and the mediater,but dont want to do mediation, i dont want anythin to do wiv my ex,
and espec as my ex as violent criminal past
hi littleangel its not nice going to court anytime but to go infront of your ex more so and i should know how you are feeling as in feb i went to crown court over my ex and him hitting me . yes its scary and yes i too found the person i had from womens aid not to be too good either but use the other person and im sure you will egt time before you go in to go over things .its not easy but try to stay calm and over the next few days try to make some notes of what as gone on and what you would like to ask. i was told to try focus on something or someone in the court room and it helps even when i was going to family court over my divorce i sat focusing on the judge .
not nice but keep telling yourself you can do this deep breaths and before you know it will be over with .
Hi Shaz, thanks for your advice and well done on facing your ex in crown court. It isnt nice and it times doesnt feel fair but I guess we have to just suck it up and get on with it.
Keira you are allowed to refuse mediation if there is violence so tell you solicitor you dont want to do it.
Received my "court bundle" today that I must take court with me - not got a clue wat to do with it lol My ex's solicitor contacted me also as they not received my statement, I emailed it to her as my ex coming in to see her today to prepare his and needs to see mine. I guess I wont see it till morning of court then I think that is better though because of my anxiety I will prob stress over his words all week.
hi aw all upset now, made mistake of seein whether my ex on fb, well heb is, all smiling with his kids,he posted message on his wll sayin revenge wil cum to those,just sit bk and wait , wass tht aimed at me, and another message sayin ur the reason im on medication, just got myself worked up, heart poundin, wish i adnt luked hate himxx
I stood trial in july for a crime i did not commit courtosy of my ex husband and his lies. Thankfully the crown judge found him to be a liar.
Your legal team will talk you through everything but it is no walk in the park, everything will be dragged up but the legal team for defense and prosecution will already have spoken to decide what will be bought in during the hearing and anything you want asked will be put to the other side. Go with the guidence of your legal team they won't steer you wrong. Good luck
Thanks Gina, but my problem is I DONT have a legal team I AM my legal team! Things a bit different in criminal court because I think I would qualify for legal aid if I was accused of a crime but as it a family court my financial status means I dont qualify and I cant afford a solicitor so it will be me asking all the questions and trying to figure out which questions I should ask. The reason it has been moved to a trial is because my ex is denying that he was ever violent towards me and he also alleges that the Cafcass officer, who wrote the report stating he is 'a risk to ex partners and children' , has done it as a kind of personal attack on him. It so ridiculous I have copies of his criminal record 22 incidents of Domestic Violence and 12 convictions in 10 years (not including drug and other violent & public order offences) but non are related to me so I have to take the stand and 'prove' that my ex was violent towards me during and after our relationship. 7 of his convictions of DV happened in the presence of his son, which is mostly why cafcass say he is a risk but they also have to take the stand and 'prove' he is a risk even though the evidence is there lol I just hope the courts will accept what me and cafcass are saying and agree to keep that man away from my daughter as he is nothing short of a menace to society.
Keira no you should not check him on FB it isnt going to acheive anything but upset you. He is deliberately gonna put things on there that will get to you. I blocked my ex so I cant see his and he cant see mine that way I dont need to be concerned with what nonsense he chatting as it serves no purpose to me what so ever.
hi hun not checkin it again, i av moved on, im stil takin my tablets, got go bk doctors at sum point, ope court goes ok for u hunxx
after my trial i had to go to a tribuneral which was linked to the trial i had no solicitor then but the judge listened to what i had to say and the questions i asked eventhough the evidence was a bit sketchy, the judge will have read this through and no what you are talking about. You have to select your questions so they are not deemed as misleading or trying to wind up your ex. Stick only to the facts and have your paperwork in order so you are able to flick to it easily. You will be suprised how much everyone in there already knows. As for your ex keep your head together deep breaths and take asking your questions slow and think before you answer anything no one will rush you all they want is the truth and they will know by your ex reactions to any question you put to him.. Good Luck
i
Hi littleangel, keep on hanging in there. Do you have anything polanned for the weekend?
Thanks Gina, I will try my best to be calm. Met with Womens aid lady again today she seems better able to keep me calm but the PSU person has a bit more legal know-how so really undecided who to take in with me - so funny I went from being all alone to having two people to choose from.
Anna thanks hun, I have no plans really, back in uni on Fri and im sure they will give me plenty to be getting on with. I also have to go see my programme leader tomorrow to discuss the fact I have had a SS visit as I am also registered on the General Social Care Council (changed its name but cant remember new one lol) as a social work student and all visits have to be investigated to ensure I can continue with the course - shouldnt be a problem as no safegaurding concerns raised about me but still means I have to go 'give evidence' once again. Sat and Sun will probably be just chilling and preparing (and a little stressing). Also taking angel to cinema 
hi hun how are u, ope ur ok, wot u watchin at pictures, its my litttle boys birthday today,hes 11, throwin party for him this sat,hes avin few mates round, and a mate sleepin friday nyt, my mates elpin me lol, and got big nyt out next sat, cant wait, got vip ticketx
Hi littleangel, so there is another decision to be made, who to take with you to Court. PSU - knowledge and know how (will you be able to discuss with them whilst in court?) Womens Aid Worker - calms you (will she be able to offer good advice if needed? Does she know her stuff?)
How did it go with your programme leader re the SS visit? All is well I hope?
Have fun at the cinema and spend the weekend being especially kind to yourself. Treat yourself to food that you love (yes, littleangel, make sure you are eating well) and doing some gentle loving things just for you.
Hi Keira, hope your son had nice bday. We are watching Para norman lol (hate kids films) Angel chose it and wants to watch in 3D so prob cost me an extra tenner lol
Anna the WA lady is pretty clueless legally but I find her really calming and she has better understanding of I feel around my ex. The PSU man is very much 'about business' which is good but not sure how he can help me when I am having a breakdown lol arrrgh! I want both! Prob take the WA lady tho. Meeting with programme leader was cancelled - i swear my uni couldnt arrange a p*** up in a brewery lol
Back to Uni tomorrow - wow these holidays have gone on forever been off since May! Will take me a while to get back in to it now.
Hi littleangel,hope it all works out well for you on Monday will be thinking off you
Thanks Sally x
Just had to present my case at uni re: the social work visit, Once again I became hysterical while trying to explain things. In the end they said they dont think it will go against me but they need the director to sign it off.
However the fact I became hysterical while talking to them set off a chain of events in which I have just come back from my Dr's surgery. When I realised I cant talk about this without crying I began to doubt that I can even do this court thing at all and then I began having a total panic attack and my next memory is being sat rocking in my GP surgery (i drove there somehow after attempting to see a counsellor at uni but they were fully booked). There were no GP's in and as I was clearly in a state the receptionist got the nurse to see me. I basically babbled about how I cant do it and she made me stay with her for 30 mins till I calmed down. I have now been sent home and am waiting for a DR to return from home visits to call me and see what, if anything needs to be done as I am clearly not coping. This whole thing is becoming a nightmare now as I have completely lost my nerve and just dont know what to do!
Sorry to babble at you all but my head is completely messed up right now and god knows how I will get through the weekend!
hi hun aw sorry to hear how u are, u are stronger than u think, well i ad police at my door at 2.30am,2 big officers skin where my ex was and ad i seen him,thye didnt say why, they lukin for him igave them his adress adn nu, i was bity shook up tho, askin me when last tym i saw him, i said in court 25th july, and i hate him and i dont want see him and hes notallowed cum my house or to see me, never ends dunit,but luks better for me in court,hope he gets found and sent jail. ope ur ok hunxx
Cheers Keira,
Your right it never ends this has been going on since 2003! I need to find and use my strength but I just cant find it! Nurse just rang the doctor has left a prescription for me at the surgery. My GP couldnt ring me as she on Home visits all afternoon so I guess I have to see what she has given me and if it will work but right now I dont feel I will be able to do this. I just rang anxiety UK for advice but you have to be a member and pay £30! My uni counsellors are all busy so might ring samaritans.
aw i feel for u hun i really do, imstil takin my anxiety tablets,low dose not bin bk doctors yet, i feel bit funny on them, not sure if elp in or not, u got alot goin on avnt u, ur partner is there for u tho, these men thrive on us strugling, and bein unhappy, really ope court goes ok hun, deep breaths, ope weekend ok for uxx
Yes. Samaritans are always there 08457 909090.
There is also SANEline 08457 678000 (6pm-11pm) and No Panic (10am to 10pm) on 0800 138 8889
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. It feels like it has been brewing up for such a long time for you (imagine an enormous spot or boil festering for that long and now it is time for it to burst and heal), no wonder you feel so bad, poor you. Sending you a hug and lots of thoughts of course.
Thanks Keira, try and see your doc so they can make sure you have what you need. I hope your weekend is good also x
Louise, Thanks for passing on them numbers for SANEline and No Panic, i will keep them handy. I dont know how anyone else handles anxiety bt I find that I can be a prefectly normal calm person and then anxiety takes over and I am suddenly a babbling, insane-sounding, wreck.Its horrible I feel like anxiety controls my life at times its so hard to overcome.
I did ring samaritans and they were great, but I think somebody more informed on mental health/anxiety (i.e. Saneline/No panic) will be better for me next time. I am much calmer now and have taken some anxiety medications to calm me down. I always feel pretty stupid after I have had one of these episodes because I lose all sense of rationality whilst in the grip of anxiety and start saying things that are way over the top. I apologies for my babbles on here x
Awww littleangel Do Not feel stupid for your reaction to stress, our reactions are insinctual and there is little you can do to change that. You have experienced some very severe trauma in the past and it is natural that there are triggers that affect you. Please don't add to your anxiety and berate yourself.
I am glad that the meds have kicked in and you are feeling calmer. And do use those numbers day or night.
Thinking of you over the weekend and especially Monday (remember we will all be there standing right behind you and holding your hand - just because no one else will be able to see us - we are there for you and fighting your corner)
Well one more day to go 
Have decided I will take the PSU man in with me, The womens aid lady is going to be at the end of the phone if i need her she says but I think my case stands a better chance if I have SOME legal knowledge in the room with me (although he cant offer me any advice what so ever he can inform me of different things within the law that may be relevant to my case etc.)
Angel stayed at my mums yesterday as it was my neices bday and she wanted to be with her cousin. I got some paperwork to rifle through now then I will go collect her for cinema.
Hope the film isn't too excruciating, little angel.
We are all rooting for you, and hope you know that we will be with you in spirit on Monday and let's hope things will be resolved and you can finally start to feel calmer after it is done.
Thanks Louise.
Didnt go cinema, spent whole day trying to sort holiday out for next week (always book late) but there were no flights for dates we need (my brother's workplace completely refuse to be remotely flexible on the dates he can have off) so long and short of it - NO HOLIDAY! Arggggghhhh!
Boyf wants us to go Dam on tuesday for two nights instead without angel but I dont want to go so no holiday for me
Instead I am enjoying a couple of glasses of wine and watching Falling Down while angel plays with her friend 
Thinking of you tomorrow Angel
hi hun im thinkin of u tomoz, ope u manage anxiety okxx
party went well for my son he was 11, 8 boys runin round, lol my mate cum and elped me, but turned out nice weather sunny so they played in garden and outside playin footy , he ad really gud tymx
Good morning littleangel, Wishing you all the best for today. the holidays will sort themselves out, don't worry about that.
Think positive today, your angels will be with you, keep your eyes on the judge and if you start to feel anxious, tap your hand or your arms and have a little mantra going around in your head. I am a good mum and I deserve good in life.
Looking forward to hearing from you later.
Hi little angel was thinking of you yesterday, let us know how things went
Oh my goodness, that is indeed a bombshell. Would you like some advice from our Legal Expert? Could you prepare a statement that you could read out in court saying that you know you have the right to cross examine him but because of the abuse you have suffered over x years then you feel unable to do so?