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Hello ive never been on a chat site before, i just need someone to talk to. ive bin with my partner for nearly 7 years and have a beautiful 3 year old boy with him. the relationship has been rocky for most of our time together with him lying and shouting at me all of the time. 4 weeks ago we decided to live apart for a while but once again it was me doing all of the runnin trying to get him to spend time with his son. now he says he doesnt love me anymore and he has started hanging around with bad people. i am so upset and feel so lonely, i am trying to be strong for my son but finding it so hard, my ex wont come and look after his son without me finding him and asking him, what do i do, do i stay clear of him and let him come when he feels like it? what do i say to my little boy who keeps asking about his dad? i just need a friend to talk to. thank you for reading x x
Hi stezza. Welcome along 
Sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now. Do you have family and friends to support you? I realise you want your ex to have contact with your son, but I'm afraid you cannot make him. However much you want to, resist the urge to chase him, in order for him to have that contact. In time he might start seeing his son. In the meantime, reassure your son that you are there for him, and both you and his Dad love him very much. Children do adapt to these situations much better than adults, you'd be surprised. Please keep posting, as others will be along at some point during the day.
Hi stezza
Welcome to One Space and I am sorry you are feeling low about what has happened. You can't force your boy's dad to see him. I would concentrate on building your own relaionship with your boy and see what happens. If your ex wants to visit and have some parenting time I would suggest that you establish a routine as this is fairer on your son and also on you. When you say "bad people" you need to make sure that your son will not be spending time with them if it is risky for him to do so.
Have you been able to sort out the practical things you need to do re money, housing and claiming any benefits etc?
My reply got lost...
It was such a good one too!
Personally, I wouldn't be asking your ex to see his son. You can't make him be the Father he should be, and you can't make him see his son, even if there's agreed contact in place!
With my lot, when they asked to see their Dad I would tell them he was busy, but, when he felt he had time to see them they would. My lot no longer ask, but are getting on a bit now. My youngest is 12 now, and was 5 when we left.
Fill the days with as much fun as you can, as it seems that is what my lot remember. You will be his rock.
I still tell my lot that The Git does love them, and I am never negative about him when I do mention him.
...I was just thinking that it would be Ok for you to say that daddy lives in a different house now because of his job so he can only come and see him sometimes. I know that that is covering his back, but it is for your son's sake, not his.
thankyou very much every1, its really helped me having some advice. i just have to remember to stay positive for my son. its very early days yet so his dad may just need some time away. i just feel lonely, sometimes hard to put a brave face on even though i know its the right thing to do.
Yes it is hard, but we are all here for you!
Hi stezza, yes he might just need some time away, but you've also got to think about you. I know it is hard, but try not to dwell on him, or what he is now doing. Concentrate on you and your son. What are you doing today? Did you watch the Royal wedding?
Hi, not sure what others have said, but looks like you've had a lot of helpful feedback!
Will just add, not sure if it applies with your son being 3, but I found it strengthening to say Daddy was at work. Rather than 'gone'.
My one-year-old with less than 100 word vocabulary has spent a lot of time saying 'Daddy! Work!'. I heard another mum tell me how her one-year-old was spending a lot of time saying 'Daddy! Gone!' which is much harder to take.
For us, with his flexible hours, 90% of the time this was true.
Also, another mum shared with me that her daughter still cries and misses her dad (they are engaged to get married after their second child is born) around the day and he works odd night-shift patterns.
My elder - who is 3, for the first time last night spent 10 - 15 mins crying after bath time for his daddy. It was hard but I couldn't do anything but re-assure him that I was in the room with him. he was here with me, and we also had his sister there.
Thanks for that, JaneHope, it is always good to look at the wider picture, parents can feel very alone with their problems
Hi stezza
You say in your last message that maybe your ex might just needs some time away, however in your first post you say that your relationship has been rocky for a long time with shouting and lying from his corner.
The break up might be just what you need. You don't want a relationship with someone that treats you disrespectfully and you know you don't want your son to see someone treat you like that either as he may well follow suit. It sounds as though may well still feel like you love him, but I think now is the time to think about loving yourself and what you deserve, want and need from a relationship.
Everyone else has said it, but I will re-iterate it too, you can't make your ex do anything, so I would focus on your life and deal with him when he raises his head.
This time in your life can feel incredibly lonely, but it will pass, you can learn new things about yourself and the world and find that it won't always be like this. First things first, what do you like to do, that you never did when you were with your boyfriend??
Hi stezza, welcome to one space, this is a great site to find support and advice, others will be along later in the day, there are lots of threads for you to have a look at and as you will see you are not alone xxx
Please have a look around and feel free just join in with the chat which is towards the bottom of the discussion page xxx