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Hello All!
I am new to this site but so far it has been a helpful resource.
I am currently rather stressed however!
Come April my ex-partner's undertakings which he signed in Court will be coming to an end. I have been getting advice anywhere I can but the information is so conflicting I don't know which is right or what to do!?
Most of the undertakings (signed after domestic violence) have an expiration date except one in which he signs not to drink on day of contact with our son ditto his parents with whom he lives and who are 'supervising' the contact. This is recorded as until further order. I have been told that these orders simply expire and then on the other hand I have also been told from another source that we would be due to go back to Court.
I would like to know if anyone has experienced this and what happened in your case?
Ideally I would like to avoid court costs but on the other hand I feel that we are leaving ourselves wide open to abuse and I also do not know what to do with these undertakings when only one of them is valid?
Furthermore, I have heard today through the grapevine that my ex and his father were taking drugs around my son. I have nothing concrete on this but am deeply concerned for my son's welfare, neither do I know when this took place.
I am so sick of dealing with my ex when all I want is to raise my son in a secure, loving environment but every week there is stress and upheaval for his contact visits and my ex calls me constantly!!!!!!!!!! I don't even answer but feel so harassed. Recently my phone stopped putting my calls through and started going to voicemail on its own. All my voicemails were him calling and clicking off. He even rang me in Japan where I had been looking forward to some escape.
If anyone has some advice would be GREATLY appreciated
Thanking anyone in advance
Hi teamtrusted
Im sorry its the one thing i havent been through so cant help but as Louise has suggested the legal experts are fantastic x
HM x
Thanks both of you. I wrote to the legal experts on Saturday and yesterday just awaiting replies. I have also found a women's centre with a free legal advice session on Monday evenings.
My son is two and a half. The situation continues to be so fraught. I feel so stuck being polite to him as he has agreed to sign the mortgage over to me to help me get some building fees capped. This has not been finalised and everything feels so time pressured. Each time he rings he is drunk and though he puts on a friendly tone the whole conversation is littered with nasty insinuations.
I am so sick of it all. I wish it was easier, just me and my son but I feel as if this will continue forever.
Hello team trusted
That must be awful if he rings up drunk and starts saying awful things, do you have to take the calls? Can you unplug the phone/get a new SIM card? I know you are trying to keep him sweet so no need to confront him, but just use avoidance tactics for a few days till the legal poisiton is clarified.
yes, my phone hasn't been working well recently anyway so majority of the time I don't answer. I keep my phone on silent permanently as just hearing the phone ring is upsetting enough now. It was part of his undertakings that he would only contact me by text but this has never been the case because he thinks this is stupid. He has no respect for the undertakings and has violated most of them knowing full well I can't keep affording to return to Court.
Often, I have to answer if my son is with him. My son is with him this Saturday.
Hello teamtrusted and welcome to One space, this all sounds very stressful, i hope the legal expert is in contact with you soon and can help to clarify some of your questions.
I understand about having to answer the phone when your son has contact, but it really is a good idea to get a different sim card for the rest of the time and only check the other card periodically (once a week) to check if any contact information etc has changed, i know some of our other users have found this very benefical.
Thank you this is a good idea (though my phone packed up today anyway).
The legal advice was useful but still very confusing. Hopefully if I bring the actual undertakings on Monday things might seem clearer.
The legal expert suggested speaking to social services to investigate my ex. Someone I know who works in family law has always disuaded me from this as social services would look at whether I could look after my son even when my ex is the problem and I would fear losing my son.
Anyone reported father/mother of offspring to social services?
They came to do a risk assessment after Court and I didn't feel they were supportive. They were also unable to see through my ex's tears and much as they criticised me they ended up telling him there had clearly been good parenting going on. They also checked my house but didn't bother with his.
Obviously they would need to check everything out with regard to a child, so unfortunately you had to be under scrutiny too. However, if you believe your ex is taking drugs and he sounds drunk whenever he contacts you then this IS a matter for concern and I think you could seriously consider speaking to them again. Make sure you concentrate on matters regarding your son. It is one thing saying to them "I have serious concerns about my young son as his dad is now taking drugs and appears to have a significant alcohol problem, I believe my son is at risk" and quite another thing to say "My son's dad is a right waste of space, he never stops pestering me and he is always drunk when he rings and he doesn't deserve to have his son and anyway I bet he takes drugs" Do you see the difference? We need NOT to allow our own (natural) emotional response to cloud what we say.
Another thing you could consider is to stop contact altogether. Now, this should never be done lightly is it would set off a massive chain of events and probably end up in court but it is indeed an option. See what happens re the other legal stuff first?
Hello teamtrusted and welcome to One Space, you have found a friendly site so I hope you stick around.
Your situation needs sepcialist legal advice, as a starting point I suggest you email our Legal Expert by clicking here
How old is your son?