Unsure

Hi, this may be slightly long winded so I apologise!

I have a three year old daughter to my ex. We have been separated for nearly two years. While we were still a couple it was not a good relationship. He was quite a domineering character, and this got worse when our daughter was born. He dident have much of a relationship with her during this period, out of choice.

When we broke up, his disinterest continued. We have never had set visitation or contact. For the first year and a half I used to contact him and see when he was available, or he would call me an hour before he wanted to pick her up. This was, obviously, not ideal. It involved cancelling plans and changing her routine more than once, however when I mentioned I wanted to contact a solicitor to set up regular and constant contact I was threatened So didnt proceed. 

Six months ago I was accepted to university 40 miles North of where I was living. I told him I wanted to move closer to University to make both Her and my lives easier. She needed to be in a nursery near me in case of an emergency, and the commute was too much for her and ment I sent virtually no time with her either. This caused a huge fuss Where I was informed that if I moved away he would take me for custody. Quite frankly I was petrified. Whether or not he would be granted full custody is irrelevant, the thought of it happening, and of having to go through the court process and of fighting him fore, even though i thought that was over with the relationship, was too much. In the end we agreed that I could move, as long as he still got to see her. This wasn't a problem and never had been, I've always tried to facilitate their relationship, on his terms as much as possible, because knowing her father is irritant for my daughter. 

Since moving he has seen her 3-4 times. Only one of these has been at his request, the rest has been me contacting him to see if he wanted to bother. I have kept records of all of this contact in case he does decide to go to court for custody. Each time she has gone to his overnight, usually an hour before bed. By nine the next morning he has packed her off to his mums (please keep in mind that she still has a very good relationship with his parents, which I encourage. They usually see her once a month and they at on the phone much more frequently).

The last time she saw him was around 2 months ago. When I got her home she mentioned that she had slept in 'K's bed, with K'. This is her dads new partner And was the first time they had met. I was slightly concerned about the comment so I text him and simply asked him about the possibility of calling in next time I was down visiting family to collect some things she had left, mentioned that I hoped she had been well behaved and polite to K, and that she had mentioned sharing a bed with her, that I was unsure if she has just got her words muddled, but if it was true could he make sure it didn't happen again. He called me fairly quickly after this had been sent, and spent 20 minutes shouting at me down the phone for having the audacity of asking what our daughter had been doing while with him. Apparently it is none of my business and I should keep my nose out. It was at the point that I finally told him no. I reminded him that as far as our daughter was concerned, he was virtually a stranger. She didn't know him because he couldn't bothered putting in the effort for a relationship with her, and that I wasn't pandering to him anymore. I would quite happily still bring her or pick her up from his house, but he had to do every other journey, unless he had a valid reason, that I wouldn't be contacting him anymore and if he wanted to see her he would have to contact me, and that I wouldn't be dropping everything with an hours notice anymore. If he had to change a date for something like work, not a problem, I would work around him when I could, but he had to put in some form of effort for her. Finally I told him that ideally, he would go and see a solicitor and get contact sorted properly and legally, so we both had something to fall back on, as if he was going to bother having a relationship with her it needed to be either A good, consistent one Or he just should stop bothering. 

I don't regret finally telling him this. However, I have heard nothing more from him. I think he has decided not to bother. I had suspected that the only reason he did bother was to keep him mum pacified, but she is keeping out of it now. Se has a good relationship with her granddaughter and I've told her that that is all she needs to worry about. However, he can be very vindictive. I do not mind him having a relationship with our daughter, it's not my decision and ill d whatever I can to support it. My primary concern is her. If he pops back into her life in a month or two, or however long. Is there anything I can do to enforce that he either makes an effort and is consistent, or just leaves her alone until she is old enough to make a decision on her own as to whether or not to have a relationship with him?