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Has taken me ages to actually post anything about my money situation because I think I have been in denial a long time about just how bad it is!
When I left the ex 6 years ago I left with only clothes me and angel had on and a LOT of debt. I initially stayed with mum for about 1 1/2 years and then got a my 2 bed flat from council. I moved in with nothing but my partner was great and bought all the big things (sofa,fridge, cooker etc) My only job was to buy the smaller things and start paying the bills - this is when it all went belly up because instead of originally just paying my priority bills (rent, council tax, water etc) I began paying all the bailliffs that were knocking on the door for debts owed when I was with ex. I paid them as I felt pressured and I didnt tell my boyf about them so for 2 years he thought I was on top of bills (whilst he paid for food, clothes all extras). Eventually I was taken to court for rent, council tax, tv - pretty much everything! My boyf was truly shocked but he agreed to help sort it all out. He completely took over the money & bills giving me only spending money.
Then we split briefly and I was suddenly in charge of all the bills again, but because of the previous experience I became anxious and unable to open or pay any bills, I just hid them all and spent the money on other things. I was agin taken to court by rent/council tax, but my doctor provided a note and I explained the situation and they were pretty reasonable with me and I began trying to sort it out myself (boyf not aware this time). This was going ok until I received notice from ex of going to court for contact. Immediately the anxiety came back and I stopped opening post and I am now stuck in such a mess of trying to get on top of everything. I just dont feel I am able to physically manage bills, as bizarre as it sounds. Its like whenever something stressful happens I become mentally incapable of doing the task. I get so worked up about just ringing creditors to ask for payment plans even though I know they wont shout?!
I am too embarrassed to tell my boyf and I suspect he will hit the roof as he is struggling financially himself at the moment too. I just wish somebody could manage my money for me 
Hi littleangel - there are several problems here
first one is not telling your boyfriend
second one not opening the bills
third one not feeling you can manage your money
None of them are too big for you to handle -
What would your boyfriend say?
I am sure there is lots of help out there for you but although I would definitely tell the boyfriend I would also tell him just for info but say you are going to sort it out yourself
I would recommend the money saving expert - it is a brilliant website
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/Budget-planning
I guess you don't want to face the reality of how bad things are but worrying about them is surely worse - at least if you open the bills you will see what you need to do and that is the first step to sorting it out
I would recommend something like Rescue Remedy or Kalms (if you arn't on any other medication) and tell yourself you are a strong woman - lets face it you are bringing up a child so you must be! You can do it!
Citizens Advice Bureau. They can really help you.
As lrh says, you need to be honest wth you, and with your boyfriend. Hiding them is not a good thing.
You can do this.
Thanks guys x
Still not ready to face boyf, I cant bear to tell him "I did it again" and I really dont think he needs the pressure right now.
I think maybe a visit to CAB is in order though, I am very very slowly sorting through things and opening letters but it all just feels too overwhelming I pay a little on one thing and 5 more come through and as I am a student I dont get any money now till sept so I cant really offer much (if anything) in terms of payments - its just so stressful!
Aw littleangel,
the first step - recognising the problem and being prepared to do something about it - is the hardest and you've already done it all by yourself!!!
I've not really had any money problems (mind you, my children think I am terribly tight!), but once child tax credits said they'd overpaid me and wanted £ 2000 back. I wrote to them saying I did not have that sort of money, and could offer them £5 a month - they waived the lot and accepted my letter. So I guess writing to whoever is after money, offering the absolute minimum you can afford (even if it's a pound) and explaining you are a student and this is why you can't afford anymore, might help.
You could just do one template letter and change the addresses / amounts accordingly.
Hope that helps a little! xxx
Hi littleangel. I think you're tackling things just by telling someone about it (one space). That's a great start, and a beginning. I would sort the council out first, as I know how hard they can be. Ring them, and arrange a plan. I've been in debt with the gas company and phone company before, and once I called them, explained how little money I had to live on, they were brilliant, and came up with a payment plan for me, which was easy to manage, and as long as I stuck to the payment plan, they were fine. I know it's easy not to open those dreaded bills, I've also done this, but in the long run, as hard as it is, it's the only way to tackle them.
Can't advise on the boyfriend thing. Only you know him best, and as he has helped you out before, and is now facing financial problems himself, I'm not sure what the answer is here. Of course it's best to be honest, but if being honest could cause a breakup, I don't know.
Someone I know got into a lot of debt, burying her head in the sand, with mortgage payments, all household bills etc. Eventually she rang a debt line, and they sorted it out, with manageable payments.
Easier said than done, but try not to worry. xx
Hi little angel
Thanks for sharing what is going on, as Hazeleyes says you are now talking about it, which is great. LRH is right, you CAN do this.
I would suggest Citizen's Advice Bureau but you have to be totally honest with them (they will have seen many people with ten times the debt you have, so no need to be embarrassed) and you have to take all your paperwork along, including unopened bills.They will help you draw up a budget and contact any creditors and work out a plan.
We have our own money section on here, of course, with a Money Expert but also we have a Budget Calculator. Personally I think drawing up a budget can be quite challenging!! An interim step for me was to have a little notebook and write down everything I spent in order to be ABLE to do the budget. The things coming out my bank account, well they were more obvious but where did the cash in my purse go? Looking at what I had written down at the end of the week made me realise.
Of course, little angel, what you are talking about is not "just" the debt but your feelings about it. One of the things that many people do is "avoid the issue" and this is a pattern you recognise in your own behaviour around money management. You are such a loving parent to your little angel and it feels to me as if there is something about being your OWN loving parent in this, not telling yourself off but sort of saying to yourself "right, you have to tackle this and doing so will actually HELP the anxiety" and dare I say it, rewarding yourself every step of the way.
littleangel, have a look at this excellent website too Money Advice Service. It will take you through some questions and then give you brilliant support in how to deal with your situation.
Well done for being honest with us and yourself, now take the next steps in overcoming the situation. When you have some plans in place, tell your boyfriend what is going on and how you are dealing with it.
You can do this and we are right behind you.
Thank you guys for the advice and links. I will be summoning up the courage to tackle this very soon x
Great we will support you littleangel, just don't leave it too long as it will only get worse.
Unfortunately, am not much further forward on this one not been on for a little while because I had two quite bad panic attacks (one saw a trip to hospital) and my anxiety is not under control at the moment because not able to find the right meds.
I have been on a couple of the sites mentioned and got some good advice but the problem seems to be that I am being told what I need to do but when it comes down to it I get too anxious to actually do it. I have sorted my rent out a bit because they called me and I made an agreement (then went to hosp with a panic attack). I have made contact with MIND who have some experts in Debt and Mental Health who can possibly help me overcome the fear of dealing with my debts (apparantly very common). I have finally completed the last of my uni assignments so have more time to try and deal with this - I will keep you posted!
thanks for the update littleangel - don't be too hard on yourself - you got the advice and you found out what you needed to do - little steps and one day at a time - I hope you get the help you need
Thanks LRH. x
Good point, lrh.
Little angel, there are loads of money management type courses around the country, designed to take the stress out of money. Have a look here..These course are run through churches but are not religious! they are designed just to help you take hold of things, it sounds as if you need a guiding hand.
Hi littleangel - sorry I can't offer any practical advice, but I can sympathise with the 'not opening any letters' approach as I've adopted that myself a few times. Hope someone can come up with some practical advice - have you contacted the money expert on here?