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Hello My violent ex partner applied for access to our child and i dont know what to do.
I have been on the run from this man 3 years, i have moved house 7 times due to the dv and harrastment.
I also was unable to apply for non mol due to finding out that my ex partner used an alias during relationship hense now our child is not registered under his name but under a alias.
He is like a proper con artist.
The name he took me to court with i didnt even know prior i knew him as someone else.
And the police have said he has like 80 different aliases and my child will have live with a fake name.
But my main concern is that he is mentally abusive to my child he brings her down to somewhat control her instead of lifting her up also he due to cultural reason he want to have my daughter circumsized which is female genital mutulation and has arranged a marriage for her to one of his relatives. he has also tried kidnapping her and sends people to continuously harrass me so i had to change our childs school and the ppl he send were given harrastment warnings.
He has somehow confinced the courts i was an unfit parent and due to me being absent from court due not being aware of it as the court papers were served on the wrong adress he got it.
And i had letters from ss and the child school saying he is the danger and i am a fit parent so now the I am waiting for the report to be completed and it will include a fact finding mission like police records school records family etc etc.
I am so shocked and confused because i presumed with the proven history this would be a clear no contact case yet the ss worker writing the section 37 and fact finding says courts frown upon that and it is the childs best interest to see the father.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
Hi Shockedmum. Welcome along. Please e.mail our legal expert giving as much information as you can. Unfortunately now it is the weekend, you may have to wait a while for a reply. Hopefully, not too long though.
So much is stacked against your ex, you have police and other authorities on your side. As the name on the birth certificate is an alias, can you name your daughter's name by deed poll?
Please do keep posting, as others will be along and will give you lots of support and advice.
Hello sally thank you for your respondse.
Yes i have a solicitor and she said she is waiting for the social worker to finish the report and once she has finished it she will see what orders we need to go for.
I am already involve with womens aid due to dv and lived in there refuges.
Social services arent on my side because the social worker on my side is a family support worker and the childs school that are on my side.
The actuall social worker writing the report is on the fathers side and no matter what i say want the child to have contact with the father.
Its like he is such a con man he plays victom so well when he was allowed supervised in the passed he had not bothered to see the child.
Because he wanted unsupervised and there is a danger of fgm and he registered his child on an alias is that not criminal.
Thank you so much for your advice hazeleyes, I will try get it writing what the police have told me.
Some good ideas for you here, shockedmum. I would be inclined to make sure that your solicitor is aware of his wish to circumcise her as this is not legal, click this link here for more info. Surely there must also be a question of him not having parental responsibility as he has so many different names?
hi shocked mum, well im in middle court procedings, my ex so far asnt bin allowed any sort of contcat at all with our little girl, she is 2 half, he as violent criminal past, he also ad double life, he also gave a false adress,i never met his family, he ad a girlfriend and new baby i new nothin bout, it cum out in court last yera, i also av non mol order against him, and i av residency of our little girl,he seems think he can fool cafcassm but they can see thru him, thank god,he as to do yet annva drug test, he used hair dye on hair strand test,he wasnt suppose to, he is stl getin in trouble with police, drugs, weapons etc, i do no how u feel, i ope he doesnt get contact, he is high risk to me as well, hope u are ok, read my thread on edge if u can x
hiya kiera.
Woaah sounds like you had a rough ride aswell.
I am a bit concerned about court as i do not know the proceders, i know i have a section 37 going on now however after that will cafcass get involved or what?
I am going to look for that thread now xxx best of luck hun and stay strong.
Thank you, pheew its a relief.
the thing is everything i say in court he has denied.
i know he weren't going to admit to anything.
still makes it dificult.
i think my ex thought he wud walk in court and just get access,but he was so wrong, cafacss got his criminal record, and dug up everrythin bout him, it all cum out, he ad dun loads time in jail i didnt even no, serious crimes , violent crimes,and then to b told hes livin with his kids and his grilfriend, unbelievable,he said i was a coke head so i did a hairstrand test last year, negative, he delayed his for 5 half months,he as to do another one now, x
Yeah i think thats what my ex thought aswell.
walk in and get access.
I am thinking of writing a statement explaining everything that happened to me and my daughter to present to the court. have you been asked to do that yet.
Also if you can prove that the abuse effected you mentally or physically they take that into consideration.
I am absolutely panicking everyday and my anxiety is sky high.
this is not a healthy situation for me, :( x
Hi shockedmum, how are you today?
When the court looks at contact issues, they consider the effect on the child rather than the parent, so if you are writing things down for CAFCASS etc you need to express it from the child's point of view, EXAMPLE, instead of saying "I don't want him to see my daughter because he is a lying bully", you could say "My daughter is at risk from this man because he is threatening to have her circumcised and he already has had an order against him for harrassing her" Do you see what I mean? You can make a list of these potential effects on your daughter. UK law is very much against forced marriages as well.
Take courage, it is a long road but you CAN do this, and we are right beside you.
hi shocked mum, yes i did a long statement and gave it to my soliicter,explainin why i dont want ex to see my dawter, cafacss are lookin into wot he did to me abroad when he put me in hospital, cos the crime was commikted over there u see and not in england, there was trial but he didnt go, ex lied and said he wasnt charged and he only hit me once, his words, and he punched me twice in the face, and spit on me when i was on the floor, he was thriown in cells for 4 days then released on bail, and took in handcuffs to the airport, im glad cafacss are lookin into wot he did, wish i stil ad the pictures i took of my face, was a mess, i ad to face my kids and my family and stil go to work with my face a mess, i went to doctors for my anxiety, gave me tablets, but took um for 3 weeks then stopped, didnt feel ryt on um,i stil asv anxiety now, want court over with,
I recommend you look at the children's welfare checklist 1989
This is what any carcass officer and court have to follow by law
It will help you to focus your list it helped me,
Good luck x
morning shockedmum my ex hit me and i suffered a broken hand nearly 2 years ago after i found out he was having affair , my son who was 9 at the time saw all of it and he jumped on his dad's back punching him off , so really he saved me i feel cause had he not who nows what would have happened .
my ex thought he would see the kids as and when he liked . did show up at places to tryt o see the them and this was when he was on bail too . last year he pleaded guilty and this was at crown court the judge told him to see the boys he would have to go through family court which we did and the boys had to be interviewed via caffcass and their wishes and feelings were taken into account and now he cant see them , he is supposed to write once a month but doesnt . caffcass also heard what i had to say and i said that if it was to be granted that they were to see him then i wanted supervisied visits only and they were really good , but like i say my 2 strongly and still dont want to see their dad . caffcass are good and are there for the children
hi shaz cafcass lady was good with me, she saw right thru my ex, i said supervised in a centre, ad 3 court hearings, and he stil isnt allowed contact at all with our dawter,she is 2 half,cos he asw violent criminal record,and hes stil commitin crimes now, he as to do another drug test,as he used a hair dye on last one, next hearin june, hope no contact
Hello guys, I thought I would update everyone with what has happened.
The court ordered a section 37 report and it basically said The local authority reports that contact should not be forced as the child is fearfull of him and if there was access for it to be supervised However if the child felt that she did not want to go she should not be forced.
They also stated their are no welfare concerns with me and i am giving the parenting required. So boohoo his lies failed and he exposed himself because his perfect home is not so perfect
Also they stated in the section 37 report his current partner and their child are known to social services due too him having beaten her very badly and the court stated that the child should not be able to go to her place due to her being able to witness domestic violence.
Also I did not attend court because i felt unwell due to stress and the applicant father did also not attend as he is in prison now however his solicitor did attend and they want to contest the section 37 because of new laws there is no more legal aid and they wanted to leave the case open untill he comes out.
However the court decided to close the case with no prejudice meaning he can re-apply after his release however as there is no more legal aid it is highly unlikely he will. They did this because of the emotional distress this case caused me.
If you have any questions on how this happend then please feel free to ask me.
I have lots of tips and advices.
Stay strong ladies there is a light at the end of the tunnel. HUUUUUUUGS
p.s. I am currently in contact with my solicitor to change her birthcertificate so all is well .
Hi Shockedmum you must be so relieved that it is all over and you can relax knowing that you don't have to force little one to have contact.
What are you changing about the birth certificate?
Basicaly she has an incorrect surname on her birthcertificate which turned out to be an alias.
The registery office said that she can change her name via deed poll However the alias will remain on the birthcertificate.
In extreme circumstances it is possible to apply for a new birthcertificate. and have details removed however this is rare and can only be done by the order of a judge.
I will argue seeing that name will cause her distress and fight for it to be removed.
I don't know how successfull i shall be however I will try and update you all :)
Good luck with it all, Shocked Mum, I was pleased to hear what had happened at the court.
Thank you so much and lissenning to me when i needed it the most.
the forum is a life saver.
I never thought i would get through this and fought with every inch of strength i had and now its all over just like that,
.
Well chuffed!
Hiya Guys thought I would update you all.
I have successfully been able to remove a surname of my daughters birthcertificate and i am waiting for them to issue me a new birthcertifcate with the new chosen name. Effectively erasing the old surname
However it did NOT happen how i thought it would.
I thought it was per court order but the court send me back to the registery office and the registery office refused to take the name of and said it just a piece of paper that register a child was born, just get a deed poll and i mentioned the link i put above and the registrar said well anyone can open up a website well needless to say she was not having none of it eventhough i proved it was not his name she said does not matter get A DEEDPOLL.
Anyways by the time i was about to explode i showed her my daughters surname pleading with her and its an ethnic sounding name by the way so I said is my daughter meant to walk around with a birthcertificate that has a surname that is a swear word all her life?
and she said well that changes it all if its a swear word and you wasn't aware of it we shall remove it. she asked me which language it was in and guessed a country which i could not be sure of.
and so thats how i had the name removed..
and that is the only way i know of getting a name removed of a birth certificate if it means a bad thing in another language.
Hi Shockedmum
Absolutely fantastic news that you were able to change your daughters surname on her birth certificate, I have never heard of that happening before, although as you have said, this really is an extreme circumstance.
Well done for being persistant and thank you for coming back and sharing it.
How are you and your daughter?
Hiya Anna.
My daughter is doing really well.
She made lots of new friends, and is more confident.
She really relaxed and just enjoying her childhood.
I am a lot better myself, I have applied for an access course and plan to work in the NHS so hopefully in 3 years I will have some educations and a good job behind me.
Life is just great the skies is the limit. :)
Anyways its a real big thing for me going back to school I had my daughter really young and was groomed by an older guy and out of education for years and felt like I could not do it ever.
But I feel like I can now.
Infact I know I will try my BEST!
Really really happy with life.
and My daughter is real happy now her mum is too.
It's really good to hear that you and your daughter are happy and content now, Shockedmum. After all you have been through, I hope things continue like this well into the future - we all deserve to feel grounded and happy.
Good luck with the studying, though I'm not sure you need it. I'm sure you'll acheive your goals, you are determined enough 
M x
Hi,
i am going through a very similar situation my sat assaulted me three years ago, stabbing me 9 times he is still in prison. I've has requested contact with our son who is 7 terrified would not even explain how I feel. The solicitors appointment is made, but as he has applied to attend court I have to face him in the family court. Feels farcical!
Hello Daisyduke1978,
Welcome to One Space. I'm sorry to hear that your ex has decided to put you through further traumatic times...You say it 'feels farcical', but I imagine you are really not relishing seeing this man in court.
It sounds highly unlikely that he will gain access rights to your son, but do keep us informed as to what is going on for you. We'll offer you all the support we can.
M x
Thank you, I do appreciate it. I have been looking for similar situations too see if it has closed before court. I have changed my identity on the advise of the police but even from prison he can get me in the same room. It's very scary for me without even thinking about the wee mans reaction
i hope it gets dropped:-(
Go to womens aid tell them your situation they willl get someone to write you a statement on what has happened between you two.
Then go to the family court reception and they will give you a pen and paper.
write to the judge something like this
Dear Sir/Madam
to whom it make concern.
Please refer to the supporting letter from women's aid for some of the reasons why I would not like to be in presence of the applicant.
Yours Faithfully,
signature
Block letters.
phone number
Attach the letter from womens aid i can help you want but they are pretty good doing it for yah.
they can discribe every aspect of what has happened to you over the years and know what the courts look for more then me, attach to that letter from womens aid proof of what you have been through
Like solicitors letters, doctors letters. even council letters anything that is relevant because court like to see things on paper rather then be told a story.
Then you will receive a call from the court manager and he will probably say something like cant womens aid help you and you say no then they will bring a lot of security to the floor your on and they will put you into two seperate waiting area's and a screen inbewtween yourselfs during court. and keep him or anyone with him in court for untill you reached home so no1 can follow you.
Then well you have to work on having the case dismissed.
They may dismiss it there and then or they may ask cafcass or the local authority to make a report of some short dont worry if they do just state your concerns fingers cross it will be thrown out then..
Thanks for that, Shockedmum. I hoped you or one of the other forum users who have been through similar difficult situations might come on & offer Daisyduke some advice or guidance.
I am just sharing my experience because I looked all over the internet for information and someone to help me. its the least i could do.
Still if the police adviced her to change her identity how can this man still be taking her to court?
It indeed farcical to say the least.
court is like an emotionless room where facts over ride everything.
You state it and from there conclusions are made.
They made me walk passed my ex and the usher was like dont worry dont worry you'll be alright needless to say i had a panic attack.
they have no feelings these ppl.
but you have to be smart and use that against them.
Its a game of chess.
They did that perhaps to see how scared i really was and then send me a letter saying well since you have seen each other you do not need a screen.
and i countered that move by going to my g.p. I bursted into tears told him what happened and he upped my dose of anti deppressants and refered me back to counseling.
and I then refused to even turn up for court and in my absense they dismissed the case.
Funny that.
oh by the way before i forget if you ex does not know where you live and you want to keep it like that you have to fill a form forgot what it was called, just ask reception at family court and another thing you cannot bring children to court. So your boy need not even know what is going on.
All this is what is a solicitor is paided to do, keepinng your address confidential, applying for you not be in court that is what a solicitor is there for however i did not have a solicitor to begin with so I am just relaying what I did, but usually a solicitor does all the leg work.
hi daisy i av thread on here calle don edge, if u find time read it, my violent ex isnt allowed any acces at all with my daughter,she is 2 half, bin goin thru court a year,last hearing august,i also av indefinate non molestation order agianst ex, and also full residency of my little girl,in court i ad private room booked so ndidnt av to see ex, myt av to giv evidence in august but i can av private screenm i dont want to see him,hope ur ok,surly after wot ur ex dun to u then it b case didmissed, he si stil in jail isnt hex all aworry, x
Hi
comments are really helpfully, thank you soo much, the more I learn the more ammo to prevent a silly situation!
thanks
Hello Shockedmum and welcome to Onespace.
It sounds like you have been going through a very difficult time of it with your daughters father, the courts do tend to favour children having contact with the other parent, but if there is a risk to the child or where extreme Domestic Abuse has been an issue courts have refused contact.
From what you have said it sounds like socail services are agreeing with you that he should not have contact, them and CAFCAS have alot of sway with the outcomes of these types of cases, if it does look like he is going to get some contact you could request that it is supervised access at a contact centre or where you or another family member can be present.
You can contact The Family Rights Group on 0808 801 0366 they give advice to families where there are welfare concerns.
I would imagine you have had legal advice, what are they predicting/saying?
You have also mention Domestic Abuse have you got support from a Domestic Abuse service? they can be really good advocates incases like yours you can contact Womensaid on 0808 2000 247 they can help find a service near to you.