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For those who have seen recast posts know I've had endless problems with A's father...his new baby is due next week, (he visits A at our home every 2 weeks) A's father canceled last visit- canceled next weeks as baby is due and canceled the visit after that as baby should of arrived my then but if it hadn't he would be there ready.
we had been getting along so much better over the past month or so as I came to terms that he actually wouldn't change/put A first and i'd accepted things for how they were but I now believe he was being nice as he knew he wouldn't be making visits & was trying to butter me up. Ok so his baby is due so I expected him to cancel one visit but as we all know 90% of babies don't come on due dates so things should of been played by ear....the baby ain't here and he's already letting A down missing a month & half of visits, he can't just leave out one child for the sake of another.
we can't make parents visit their children but I'm also not sitting around waiting for him to decide weather he's going to bother visiting or not! Suggestions on what to do if this keeps happening (we have a private visitstion agreement- I can't afford legal agreements or take things to that level) when A was born we had a agreement that he visits every weekend but he kept cancelling- history repeating?
Sorry to waffle on but none of my friends are single parents so they don't understand
I know A is little & too young to understand but I've even noticed that she never says the word "Dada" anymore & never calls him by any sort of name when he's round, however she calls me mummy and all her other family members by their names- even she don't think he deserves to be called Dada :O and its such a shame
am I allowed to just cut contact if this carries on? A had a bad asthma attack last week and was in hospital for a few days, he knew this but I had no message to care how she was (angry face) & I'm just not willing to contact and tell him important things anymore !
It would be worth having a chat to a solicitor if you decide to break contact. Of course this can "raise the stakes" and may make him take a case out for defined contact.....but I think what I was saying is that the situation may well resolve itself in time, either he will resume visits or will visit less and less and in the end will stop coming of his own accord. Now, that is a real shame for A but please just keep reassuring yourself that YOU are doing a good job and giving her all the love and security she needs, sorry to hear she was in hospital, poor little poppet, hope she is better now
If I'm truly honest with myself I think visits wont stop complely as he feels the need to look the doting father to his mates but I think visits may cut down to once a month, he keeps inviting people along to future visits (I know this as the people message me about it saying he invited them along to a visit so they can take A to the park) this annoys me as its his quality time with A plus his visits r supervused they why tell people they can take her out & I have already told him not to do this in the past- I don't see why he doesn't want to visit A alone anymore. He uses most the visit as a photography session, ok so he wants photos but for F sake put the phone down & play with your child!!!!! A lot seems all Ony hard work has once again been flipped upside down ... rant over lol
Hi Tinkerbell2, it sounds as though this is really frustrating you. I remember that feeling well when my daughter was tiny too.
However now she is older and I read your posts, I recognise that some contact is better than no contact. I know that you don't feel that he is giving quality contact, but as she gets older and they can communicate better, at least they know each other. It is their relationship and only they can create it. If possible it is always better for a father to be in a childs life, unless he is abusive in any way. So although I can hear you tearing your hair out, don't put your foot down just yet, if you can help it.
He doesn't know your little girl like you do, he is still finding his way with her. Many fathers tend to have little confidence when it comes to parenting, they believe that 'mum' knows better. Which isn't necessarily true, we have just had to learn quicker!
Hiya Anna.. His confidence isn't a problem, he's over confidant and thinks he knows it all regarding her, his attitude is very munch "we'll I'm her father so I know her just as well as you do" he's been like that since day one....If I could discribe him I would say "Bizarre & delusional behaviour"
I've always said its A's choice if she wants him in her life, I can't decide that as its her father however I'm not willing to just sit here and have him be like "coming for a visit this week" even thou he's missed his past ones, father or not I have my own life and I'm not here at his Becken call- the arrangement is there for a reason. I get angry because he thinks he can just pick A up & drop her when it best fits in with his life - parenthood don't work like that. I understand a visit is better than no visit at all but it's hard to believe that if my daughters future is just going to be what it's been so far from him
No idea why the text changed to bold lol
Don't worry about that, Tinkerbell2
I totally get where you are coming from when you say you don't want him to be able to pick up and drop A when it suits him. She is not a doll, she is a person. Perhaps you could stipulate to him that if he misses a visit, you are busy until the next time a visit would have been due, so you will not be feeling at his beck and call all the time, just that few hours once a fortnight which may or may not include him and the rest of the time you can get on with your life.
Hello Tinkerbell 2
It has been so hard for you, you put in loads of legwork to smooth things over and he lets you and A down time and time again. I don't know that you need to "do" anything in terms of agreements, as you say you can't make him do anything, I just think you need to contiue your growing acceptance that he will only turn up when he wants to. At the moment A is still very small. You can see how things pan out over the next few months and if he continually cancels, you can consider whether to make a clean break and stop contact althogether, I would give it a few months though.