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Hi,
My name is Steps, and I found this site because I really need some support and advice regarding my daughter's dad.
We broke up a while ago, and my daughter's father has been seeing her one afternoon in the week, plus Saturday's and nights. Every week. He is a teacher and his time table has changed slightly for the new term so he no longer has the afternoon in the week with his daughter. It was then just Saturdays and Saturday night.
Which to be honest I was glad of as she has groups which she attends in the week, and I was travelling to his and back again just so he could see her for a few hours which he never seemed to appreciate, it was almost expected of me.
As you can see from my discussion topic above, I go to Church every Sunday, and have been taking my daughter with me.
I had a chat with my daughter's dad a while ago,and explained to him how important it was for me to take my daughter EVERY Sunday to church all the time, not just one Sunday here and there.
In exchange for the Sunday I was having with he r, I (trying to be fare and kind), said he could have her an extra night at the weekend (Friday night), and extra time with her Saturday morning. (As previously he was having her from 1:00 on a Saturday). He was completely fine with this, and was happy.
A cpouple of days ago, he said he wanted every other Sunday with her too. Said I was selfish to not let him see her on a Sunday.
At the time (to avoid an arguement and upset - as he is quite intimidating and verbally rude when he doesn't get his own way). I said yes, to avoid the upset.
I have now had all week to re-think the desicion, and I am not happy with the arrangement at all. Today I told him, and said that I would like her on a Sunday every Sunday for Church. He hit the roof (which was expected).Said I was a selfish, cruel, hurtfull person. He then started saying "its not my fault I work and cant see her in the week etc etc" Basicaly making me feel guilty and being extremely hurtfull towards me and rude. My daughter at this point was upset - so was I!!
He sees his daughter every weekend. Friday early evening and night, all day Saturday and night, through to Sunday morning. Plus, when I am able, time in the week too...
Am I being completely selfish?? I think I am doing the best I can regarding my ex and his daughter. I am always trying to please him, and in turn being unhappy with arrangements myself...
He is now threatening me with custody rights and court. I am so so upset and worried about all this.It has given me a huge headache and a lot of heart ache!!
I dont understand how I am being cruel and selfish when he sees her quite frequently.Whenever I give him more time with her, he leaves it a bit. Then pushes me for more and more.Then when I say no, hits the roof!
I have been left today, upset and stressed out... Nothing I do is good enough, he doesn't see it as me trying my best and trying to be fair and considerate. I have even skipped groups she has had so he can see her. No thanks, nothing.He is so rude and selfish! He wants to see her as much as he can (which is good he loves her so much),but we aren't together any more, and I feel I am doing the best I can with him. I just don't know what to say or do anymore... Please help me, I really need advice and support if possible... I am tired of all this. My kindness and effort to be fair and compromise clearly isn't good enough for him. He just expects too much!!!...
From a personal view point, I don't see that having alternate weekends should be a problem.
The important thing is that you are able to Church each week. And lovely that your daughter will go with you when she can.
What is wrong here is that you are afraid of him. He has no right to be yelling at you.
I'm sorry that I don't agree here, and base this on experiences we have been through.
Another thought. If you were to agree, how quickly would the novelty of every other weekend wear off and your daughter would be with you more often than not?
I do feel bad disagreeing here, as I had promised myself not to post if I didn't agree again...
Sparkling we WANT you to give your views, you have a lot of experience of parenting and this really helps other people...so thanks 
Once your daughter is in fulltime school (is she isn't already) then you also will see her for only a limited amount of time! The main issue, however, is not the amount of time with each parent but the fact that you are being bullied like this. Would it help to go through a third party?
Thank you all for your helpfull comments. It is refreshing to have an oppinion from someone who isn't biased.
Yes Anna, you have actually made me feel more secure in what I want now.You knocked the nail on the head with the 'consideration and fairness' part. With him as long as he gets what he wants at the end of it, he doesn't care if he is being fair or not. As long as he gets his own way. What he can't see he is doing is extremely frustrating on my part, then his horrible words make me feel guilty of my desicion, when I know I am being as fair and kind as I can!... He does push the boundaries a lot, and knows I give in because I can't stand his attitude when he doesn't get his own way...I am going to be strong from now on, but kind still. I am not going to let him make me feel bad about my desicion... It is just all the attitude I will have to put up with now from him and his family that worries me lol...
I don't think deep down he would take me to court, I think he is making empty threats like you say to make me worry. Because he knows I can be weak around him...
My daughter is only 1 years old, she is still a tiddler :)
Hi steps and welcome from me, well done you stick to your guns, he sounds like he is the one being unfair in his expectations.
Ahh your little one is only one this is such a great age, is she walking and getting into everything?
Personally, I feel she's too young to be away from you for a weekend...
i agree wiv sparklin lime she is 1 ,i think she is to young to b away from u fro a weekend, he is bein a bully end of,makin threats so u bk down its wrong, mymex is bully, hes not allowed contact thru courts long story, stand ur ground hun,xx
Hi Steps and welcome to One Space
I do not think you are being unreasonable or unfair in this situation and I don't believe in your heart, you do either. It sounds for a long time you have tried to listen to his points of view and find solutions.
You are not being cruel or selfish either, he sounds as though he isn't the kind of person who acknowledges or respects consideration or fairness and so unlikely to see your efforts to make things go smoothly.
You need to decide on your rules and then stick to your guns, he is trying to push your boundaries. He needs to know that you won't budge, he has seen that he can push you and you will give in. This time, he needs to know that you won't.
Would you consider writing him a letter or an email, stating that you have done everything that he has wished since the break up and you are happy for him to have her Fri night through til Sunday, but from now on you will be taking her to Church on a Sunday.
Steps if he wants to take you to court, then that is his decision. It sounds as though you are fearful of that, which might be why he is threatening it.
How old is your daughter?