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Well I thought i'd best kinda start a new topic for this one! lol it's not on any sort of line with my other post (should i be worried about my self!?) so thought a new one would be good! lol
(to fill you in!)
As some of you know i was meant to be goin over ****ville today for job centre but they phoned me to say case is no closer to being sorted so no point! but as i told his teacher i would pick my son up at 2:30 instead of 3 (when school finishes!) i thought i'll go over any ways! might be able to get some trainers from a shop there! (which i did get! :D so all good there!)
ANY WAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! we went round the shops to get a few little bits as well as his trainers! and then went up to my friends cafe to get dinner! (for my son at least!) while we were in there who was to walk thru the doors! .... now i'v not seen my son's dad for a little while now and we bump in to him every now and then! ... today was one of those days! :O ... he walks in and talks to my friend! (she's none the wiser at this point!) i just sat there totally 100% gob smacked! I know he lives/d round ****ville for a long time but last i knew he'd moved! so when he walks in i just didn't know what to do, where to look, or what! so i just sat there and kept telling my son to eat his tea every time he went to look round! My son dosen't know who his dad is at the moment and we will be dealing with that as the time comes ... i say he dosent know who he is! he knows a little bit about him but i don't think he's really at the age yet to know him (if that makes sence!)
When his dad left i went up to my friend and said you do know who that was don't you!? ... she said nope! ... so i wispered it was my son's dad! :O she just stood there and was like oh! ... OH! (as it sunk in!) she just didnt know what to say or what to do! then she looked at my son and was like yes i can see it now! (now i'v noticed and my parents have noticed too that my son is starting to lose my looks :( he is startin to look more and more like his dad :( and now he's had his hair cut! (which i wont be having it in this style again!)) but he looks even more like his dad now!
but! on a plus side i now know where he lives and the roumer i heard about him being married is true! so that's another point there! lol
on his way out the cafe door he kept looking back and kinda smiling ... smerking... at me! i just raised my eye brows as if to say yeh bugger off now!!!!!!!!!!!
so yes that was a bit of a shock today!
Hatz x
he's not shown any interest really! ... there was one meeting (bumping in to!) where he said all he wanted to be was a good dad? but he never even tried from the start! so i just honestly said well you'v lost your chance there havent you! but he's NEVER EVER tried to even contact me! as i always said he knows where i live, knew where i worked and sure enought pleanty of people in A**** know me so if he wanted to make a go of things he could easily find me! now he knows my son's at school and i'm sure he'll reconise the uniform as it's the same school he went to! so if he was that desprate to get in touch with me he could even now write to the school but address it to me! and it would get to me there.
But from the start of finding out i was pregnant he didn't want to know his words to me (while i was on holiday i might add! (with me parents!)) were get rid of it :O :( so it was from that point that i realised ok i'v made a mistake! (with him not baby!) and i got rid of him! told him to do one would NEVER in a million yrs get rid of a baby (unless it's going to damage my helth as in growing out side the womb sort of baby!) so i got rid of him instead. i did try to get some sort of contact back with him and up till my son was 2 weeks old i was REALLY tryin hard to get something for my son from him! but he wasn't interested! When i had my son i sent his dad a text that said Just to let you know, i'v had a baby boy and his name is ****** and my last name as he wasn't having anything to do with it so thought no point givin baby his last name! (also it didnt sound right! hehe!) so i let him know everything on the day and it was about 1hr after i had him that i sent that message! i never received a message back just even to say ok or at the very most congrats! nothing so i left it at that!
my son turned 2 weeks and i was talking to another lady who convinced me to get in touch with his dad and at least try again! so i did! we aranged to meet up in ****ville one day in the week (think it was a weds or something!) and it was blistering hot (as it was back then!) and so it was i was on my way to ****ville to meet him at a reasonable 11am i sat and waited for him to turn up! i sent him a message asking where he was at 12 and got one back sayin i'm still in bed, so i phoned him! Thought you were going to come meet me and your baby? oh yeh. give me half hr and i'll be there :O so i sat and waited some more for him! he finely turned up and he looked as rough as anything. he was drinking the night before! :( so we sat there hardly said a word to each other for a whole hr we sat there! the only time he held my son was when i couldnt get to the sun cream in my bag so i said your goin to have to hold him a min, and he held him face on arms out like you would a doll! so i quickly found the sun cream and got him back! bout 10 mins after that my mum came up behind me and made me jump but she said what you doin here! (i'd not told her i was meeting him!) and said well i fanced a day out! thought i'd come show him off to your work! lol she was like ok then and went off! i looked at his dad and said look i'm goin to catch up with my mum now, so see ya around yeh!? his final words to me at that point were ............ not yes would be nice to meet again..... not even well done or congrats........ they wernt even when can i see you again! ...... nope it was ... can i have 50p so i can get a sausage roll from greggs :O so i found the 50p out me pocket and said HERE! and walked off to find my mum!
i found my mum and she said who was that, so told her it was his dad i was tryin to get some sort of responsibillity out of him but totally nothing so that's it! i'v tried at least! and she said never mind just keep your eyes on this little man and you'll be fine! :) so that was it really! i walked round ****ville with my mum for a bit then went in to her work and showed my little man off to them! (well should i say i went in to mum's work and lost my mum and my son at that point! she turned in to a REALLY proud mamar!)
and now's now! lol bump in to him every now and then! never had a birthday or christmas card off him nothing! so i duno what to do so i just leave it!
now i have to say i am debating about CSA but i really don't know! don't know anything bout it for 1
oh and him and being married i don't know! i know it is true that he was married but as for anything else i don't know as to if he's got other kids cuz you that would mean my son's got step brothers or sisters! but other than yes he was and she lives some where else or if he still is i don't know! lol
(you know it always amazes me as to how much i can write!) x sorry bout all the long posts! lol
Well best to get it all out in the open!
You are indeed entitled to child supprt from your boys' father. Is he working? If not then you will only get £5 a week, which you may think is not worth the hassle. You can find the Child Maintenance Options service here.
Hi hatz. It's good to write 
I'm sure that was a shock for you, seeing your son's dad. I completely understand, as I'm really in the same position as you. One day, your son will start to ask questions, and maybe want to meet his Dad, as did my son. I knew the day would come, and even though I didn't want to do it, I made contact because C wanted it. The sperm doner had never wanted to know, and when they did meet, there wasn't any real interest there. They are no longer in contact, and my son is doing just great.
Have you thought what you will do once your son starts with the questions? I find it disgusting that you bumped into this man, with your son with you, and he didn't acknowledge him. Am guessing that says it all really doesn't it!!! How are you feeling after that encounter?
Hi hatz
I can not believe he does not want anything to do with his son. It sounds like you are better off without him but you are entitled to help so the CSA is a good idea.
I could never imagine not wanting to know my little DD
There are great dads around, as proved on this site, but unfortunately, some of us drew the short straw. Eh hatz and others?
Oh my!
The best one I had was going to buy fish and chips, and the children's father was in the chip shop. Only the youngest was with me. Youngest walked past his dad, who pretended not to see me.
I just annoyed him by calling the youngest back to say hello to his father.
It was after he'd refused to return any of my calls...
blimey to all espicially sparklinglime! lol but in a way i'd say that's good cuz made him realise that he cant hide! like my man's dad has done for the past 4yrs! pretty much!
Yeh i know theres some great dads out there! i'v meet some (unfortuantly all taken!!!) but i don't know! lol as much as i have moaned about my step dad and everything he's been the best dad i'v know! my real dad was always a step back from being a dad! if that makes sence!?? when i was growing up he was always on his computer and not much else! but my step dad talks to us and is happy makes my mum happy so is a lot better than my real dad is!
and yes i think it is also disgusting that he didnt acnoladge me and my son till he was out the door but then again i wouldnt have know what to say to him and i know my son would turn round and say who was that or part way thru a convo whats your name, who are you! (as he's at that stage in life of asking Q's every 5 mins!)
my son's all ready brought up about him not having his dad around was shortly after fathers day this yr and we were part way round tesco's and he came out with it! i just stood there like errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! thankfully my mum was there and she said that he'd gone on a long holiday somewhere! which he was fine with for all of a week! and he turned round and said mummy, i want to go on holiday with my daddy! :O what you say to that?! so i just said to him right MR we need to talk! and so we sat down and i hadnt thought any of this thru so it just came out really! i said to him that his dad was scared and didn't want to hurt him so he's gone off in his own life to leave us to have our life with mummy, mamar and grandad which he's been pretty ok with now! he did say once that his daddy wasn't scared any more and he could come and see him as he was a big boy! (cleaver sod my son is!) i said well tbh babe i don't know where he is at the moment so will have to wait till we bump in to him one day! and he's not asked me since!
i am goin to tell him bits about his dad as and when he asks and i'll save the horrible bits till he's a lot older and can handle it and can make his own mind up what to do. but we shall just wait and see what happends!
I don't really feel the children need to know about the horrible bits though... A lot they can see for themselves, and that can be difficult for them to deal with, I think, without the parent with care adding to it.
My lot still think their Dad is brilliant, as they do The Gittess. However, the visit they had at Christmas didn't really help things - but, the children see that for themselves. I'm still "oh it's great that Dad and Gittess (I don't call them Git and Gittess with the children - honest) called to see you" and to be positive about them.
The children are happy and smiling, and only the youngest questioning things.
OK HELP NEEDED! :O i log on to my facebook account to find a message ..............
Hi
I dont know you but i believe that you had a relationship with my husband (now ex) K*****. You dont have to answer me but did he have a child with you as one mo he told me he did and then he didn't?. i hope that i havent upset you by asking, i am a mum myself and i guess its just in my motherly instinct to know the truth. You have a lovely lad :-). K**** told me you ran away.
This wont go any further than me, k is long gone, i thre him out for attacking me.
What do i say to that???????????? (at least it answers the question that he was married to someone, but actually not the part of kids really cuz could be kids from other relationship!
Hi hatz
Gosh that must have been a shock to have the message.
How does she know you have a lovely lad? Do you know this lady?Has she seen pictures of your son?
If it were me I would have to answer her and would be honest, maybe she will also answer any questions you might have about other children?
Hope whatever yoy decide to do it goes well for you xxx
my profile pic on fb is of my son! (not that it could be any other person's son or just a random pic! but guess she's puttin 2 and 2 together)
see i want to ansewer her but just phoned thru to my mum and she said how do i know she wont take it any where? i know that he hasnt told his parents about my son but who's to say she wont? ... altho on the other hand we ought to trust that she wont do it! lol
but yeh it's just so strange that not only have i seen him this week but i'v now received a message of his EX! now where she says that she thru him out for attacking her i know thats kinda true as 2 of my friends use to be friends with this girl and they said that she had a troubled and abusive relationship with him! so i do know thats correct really!
but there we go! i want to answer her but i don't at the same time! but like her mother inside me wants to let her know and really a bit of closure or even open some sort of new channels for us cuz if her kids are his then my son's lookin at an extended family really!
Hi hatz
Yes I can understand what you are saying.
It might as you say give you both some answers that you need/want, maybe have a little time to think it all over and then decide xxx
yeh prob a good idea to think over it and not jump head first in to it really!
it's just such a shock and the second shock of the week! both of which wernt expeceted! lol
but we shall see! i got to go to work now! (after quickly washin my hair!) so will leave it till tonight when i'm back on line and everything
thanks xx
Have a good afternoon and no more shocks today xxx
I hope not any more shocks i don't know if can cope with any more! ... unless it's a good shock of winning the lottery or something!! haha! (but that would be even more of a shock cuz i don't play it! haha) xxxxxxxxxx
Ha Ha maybe you should take a chance and play it for tonight xxx
Have to say that I'd be stunned at that too...
Hi hatz
That must be more than a coincidence, surely....I would suspect that they are still in touch for these two events to happen so close together. I would think very carefully about plunging into a correspondence with this lady......Do you think she has children by K, ie your son's half-siblings?
well i'v emailed her back now! i just tried to keep it as little as possible as to my actuall cercumstanses and kept it to the basics. so put along the lines of ...
Yes i was with k** for about 5 months and found out i was pregnant, he didn't want to know and as i'm not one for ending a pregnancy before time i kept him, and yes it is his! then went on to tell her the truth about the fact he told her i ran away. so put her right about that the fact that nope i didn't but he did! and the fact that i did try to get him to have some sort of role in my son's life! (just to prove i did try!) then i ended it with, your child/ren are they K***'s? and then put i hope this answers a few questions for you. then just signed it off!
so we shall just have to wait and see if get anything back from it!
we just have to wait and see really!
hatz xx
Hi hatz
I hope you recieve some answers back. I thought you would reply, I know I would have had to if it were me, I would want to know as much as the other person was willing to tell me,
I do hope it all works out for you in this direction.
are you any nearer with the jobcentre fiasco xxx
I had an email back from her of which i won't actually share 100% as it's really not nice and i don't want to upset anyone with them reading it :(
but basicly she was abused by him, she's lost 2 babies 1 at 17wks she found out it was a baby girl and another at 6 weeks :(
he really abused her that much that she lost 2 babies :'(
but it wasn't just her :O he beat up her friends too :( and then went off with someone else and got this other person pregnant!
kinda on the plus side her son isn't his! he is from a previous relationship but he's 5yrs old and my lad will be 5 in june! so there simular ages really!
so i emailed her back tryin not to sound that typical oh i am really sorry for what he's done to you but it prob reads like that any ways! lol told her a little bit more about him and me and i said that my son will be 5 in june!
but i have to say i'm SOOOOO glad that, that didn't happen to me but am really upset that it did to her.
Hatz
Awwwh that must have been awful for her.
You are both better off without him arent you.
I think its kind that you have mailed her back, it cant have been easy for her to mail you to ask and for you to answer her, but it seems to be working out for you both, I do hope it continues that way for you both, try not to dwell on what happened to this lady, unfortunately it cant be undone.
xxx
i'm not really dwelling on it that much but it's just horrible that this has happend, she's just told me a lot more thats gone on with him which i am in total shock about. he's got 5 women pregnant in all and deny's all of the babies are his or like he did with her 2 killed them :( all he got for killing her little girl was a fine :O how shocking is that :O he's on probation for strangling her partner :O she has an emergency line that gose straight to the police now so if he ever turns up (of which he has done several times from what i read) she just presses it and they turn up! but not only that he stalks her and has used other names to get to her :O so she has to carry the alarm around with her at all times :( :O
i have emailed her back after every message she sent me and have added her as a friend on my fb page so it's been a good thing for her to get in touch with me :) i'm just in shock about what she's told me! just totally and utterly evil man :( so glad i didn't decide to go down the line of finding him 100% and letting my son get to know him now! really am glad!
It must be a relief for you in some ways as you say, now that you know all of this you now know you made the right choices about not finding him etc.
It is truly shocking and so sad for all of the children that he has abandond and for the ones that never had the chance to live, terrible terrible shame.
I hope that she finds some peace in her life and the strength to keep calling the Police etc, she must feel like its never ending.
I think it is so kind of you to have added this lady as a friend on fb and I am so pleased for you that you did recieve a reply even though it was and is so shocking for you to read.
xxx
I am sure you must be feeling shocked to hear all that other news about your boy's dad. One thing has come out of all this: that you know her son is not your son's half-brother. This woman sure has had a terrible time and I hope she has some support to move forward with her life. I would continue to urge you to be cautious about this whole situation, however, and not to get drawn into it yourself. You have your son to think of. Sorry if that sounds harsh, just seen too many situations where people such as yourself, being kind, have ended up in very complicated situations.
I agree with Louise.
You've said what you need to say now.
I did email the Texan before leaving The Git, basically to make her aware of my feelings about her being in contact with my children.
She replied asking many questions, but as I'd made my point, I did not reply. I certainly had no reason to start corresponding with her.
It would have been very easy to have had emails flying backwards and forwards though, but that had never been my intention.
well i do actually agree she's had her talk to me and me to her so i hope that it has come to an end with that subject really! i don't fell theres anything else that i need to say to her and i'm kinda hoping that she's finished the subject to!!
I do now how ever have a few photos of our Ex (which one brought back some memeory's as it was one he took when i was with him!) but there just there for later in life!! i'v had a chat to my son's school teacher just to let her know that his dad i have found out is a dangerous animal and if he did ever turn up here to collect my son then it's a staright forward call to the police! of which she was like ok then i did tell her a little bit about what she had told me (just the beating up side and the fact that she's got a court order against him) don't beleive she needs to know anything else than that! She's goin to talk to the head teacher see what is actually what as to if someone else turns up for a child and everything.
so yeh! i hope that nothing else comes of it and she just wanted to know about my situation with him and what had actually happend! and answered a few of her questions that she had! she's not left me an email this morning so I am guessing that it was just what she needed to know yesterday!
Hi hatz
I have not caught up with you for a while, but I too want to re-iterate what Louise has said.
At the moment he is leaving you and your son alone and it sounds as though that is more of a blessing than you ever realised.
I would even consider disconnecting the friendship on FB. There is no relation between you and this woman and if he ever got onto FB then he would see a connection and THEN you would have to be going to the school and ensuring your child is safe. He will not stay away if he thinks he is being spoken about or if the thought got into his head that there is a conspiracy.
I know you said that she has gone quiet, however it sounds as though she still has some sort of connections with him and the last thing you need is for her to mention you on the spur of the moment.
Please take care of yourself and your son and perhaps take a step back from all of this.
Yeh i was thinkin bout things the other day and thought all along those lines so i have put her on a limited profile! but might go the next step and delete her shortly!
Saw him again today! bleadin typical aint it! don't see him for years then all of a sudden twice in pretty much the same amount of weeks! lol we (me and my son!) went in to the job centre and he walked out about 4 mins later! (i guess he's had a meeting of some sort with them too!) but there we go! lol
but yes as you say he's leaving us well alone and u am EXTREAMLY happy bout that! :D rather it that way than him pesstering us! I have all ready had a chat to my son's teacher and discribed what he looks like to them and just said a little bout whats happend in the past etc so they know that if any one comes in asking for my son they have to contact me first if i'v not phoned them and then to phone for assisstance from the police! so thry do know that now he's not a very nice man at all! but as i'm in at dinner times i do get to keep more of an eye on things with my son! lol and 90% of the time i'm there for drop off and pick up! so it's all good there really! and they do have 3 members of staff on duty thru the school gates. so i know that they have pleanty of eyes open!
any ways! lol time to head off for a bit! just goin to add something to my other post!!! and that'll be me done for the night! lol :)
Hi hatz
You say that you haven't seen your ex for years and then all of a sudden twice in 2 weeks! Sounds like a bus!! 
They say these things come in 3's, have you seen him again since??
lol nope not seen him again but then not headed out that way either!!!!! so prob wouldn't see him till go over and everything!!! i'm just glad i know where he lives so i can at least avoid that area and everything now! (not that it helps that my best friend works RIGHT NEXT DOOR!) but there we go! lol it's all good! I don't plan on goin over there just yet! (mainly cuz when i do i end up spending money!!! HAHA!) but also i don't need to cuz i'm not goin in to the job centre any more now they have got my I/S sorted out!!! (only took them 1month and 1 day to sort!) so it's just as and when i need to tryin to avoid bumping in to him in town and such like! :)
Not always easy avoiding places, but so handy to know you "might" bump into him...
Great it sounds as though you feel more in control of the situation again.
Hi hatz, a shock indeed, I bet you are still reeling.
Has your son's dad not shown an interest in having contact with your son before now? I wonder if this will make him think about it? You say he is married now. Does he have any other children?