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Hi, I'm a single dad to a 22 months child. In September of this year my partner moved out and moved 90 miles away.
At the moment we have a shared cared arrangement. I have our Son from Sunday to Thursday and she has him the other days. My son has been going to my local nursery 3 days a week for the past 6 months.
I spoke to my Ex last night and she now wants to collect him on a on Saturday Morning and return him on Monday afternoon. I don't have a problem with this but she siad it might change week to week..Ie picking him up on a Friday morning and returing him on a Monday...When I said it was unfair due to the notice I would have to give the nursery she told me that I was being unfair...And that she deseverd quailty time with our son..I total understand this and agree. But as all parents know!! Routine is important .
And when I talk about where our son will go to school I am just told that we will have to go to court! Do I have any rights as a Dad? I am just trying to do what's right(Or at least I think I do) for our son.
hope you manage to get something sorted - is she wanting to change things due to a change in work pattern or do you just feel she is being awkward - perhaps try some suggestions of what you think can work but i would say talking is the way forward - but i am finding with my ex that we say things one way and they are taken a completely different way but then we have only been apart for a few weeks so things still raw - good luck
Hi Moodyblues. I'm afraid I have no knowledge of shared custody, so am unable to advise, but like Sparkling says, Louise should be on tomorrow, and she will be able to give great advice. Do you have your son today?
She want's to change it due to change in work pattern.
She can't do alternative weeks as she has to work 5 days a week!
I claim all tax credits etc so am able to reduce my hours to 16 in the new year.
I just don't want it to get to school age and for her just to come along and take him away.
Hello Hazeleyes ..Had my son last night and this moring, His Mum come and collected him this afternoon.
Hi
As awful as it sounds, if you are having the working and tax credits then you are considered to be the parent with care and while you need to make sure that you son has a good relationship with both of you, I feel you need to keep things in your favour - even it its only by a small margin.
Once a status quo is established with routine, it is often harder to change things.
Hi Moodyblues
Hope you had a good Christmas Day
When you say you have shared care, is there any written document stating this or is this something you have agreed verbally? if verbally then I suggest your first priority should be to formalise that arrangement, making sure that the document states that although you and your son's mum share parenting time, that you are the parent with the majority of the day to day care. It sounds as if you were not married to your son's mum.....are you on the Birth Certificate as the dad? This is important as it will give you Parental Responsibility
Although I agree re routine for this age group, if her working pattern changes slightly then I suggest you need to book your son in at nursery for the days you yourself are at work, then you know your own childcare needs are covered.....and if he does not attend every session because his mum has him, then it is not the end of the world. Make sure that with your Working Tax Credit application that you are claiming back your childcare costs (you can get up to 70% of these back up to £175 a week). I would also like to ask you whether his mum is paying you any child support? (she should be).
As for school, if you have parental responsibility, then you are entitled to be "consulted" about decisions regarding your son's education. You could have something written into the agreement (see above) about his schooling.....or at least the fact that you will remain the parent with majority care and your son's school will be within close travelling distance of his main home.
So how do you get such an agreement? Solicitors can draw one up but the main thing is for you to reach agreement first. if you cannot sit together without arguing, would a third party be prepared to help? If not then you can consider using a Mediator. You're right...in the end it might go to court but this can be expensive and distressing so worth trying other options first.
Hi Louise, I did reply to your post but it's gone missing?!!
Well anyway..I had a letter sent to her from my Solicitor regarding the routine we had both agreed on. She refused to sign the letter.
As for child support I am not really intrested in claming for that at this moment as she's only just started working again.
I am on the birth certifcate.
I have asked her on a daily basis if she would think about moving closer as it's better for our son to have both parents in his life..But I might as well speak to a brick wall.
Same responce.."We will go to court"
You don't need to tell me how expencive a Solicitor is..3 meetings and a letter cost me£500.
It's part of the reason I need to reduce my hours as I won't be able to afford a Solicitor without the help of legal aid.
I just want to something in place and not to worry that she will just come along and take him away once she has herself sorted in her new job,Life.
Yes well unfortuanately the "something in place" has to be either voluntarily agreed between the two of you or legally done. You could ask our Legal Services Expert for some free advice, click here, though please note she does not return to the office until 3rd January
UPDATE..She has just informed me that she plans to take our child to live with her full time anfd that I become the weekend parent.
The routine that we had in place has being going on for the last 5 months...Can she just do this?
Moodyblues, you need to have some legal advice about this.Click here to find an adviser in your area.
hi moodyblues hope you have used the link to find help how are things ?
Hi
Yes, you do have rights as a Dad.
Are you able to sit at a table with her to discuss this? A shared arrangment is clearly working, and is great while your son is young. When he starts school then things, I'm afraid, will have to change as a 90 mile school run is not really feasable (I did do a 70 mile school run for a while with two of my children when we were homeles...).
Perhaps you can alternate weeks so that there is more or less a weekend with both parents?
If she doesn't feel able to discuss this, can I suggest mediation before Court action? Its just if this can be sorted between you both, it is so much better for your son, never mind the bank balance.
Good luck with things.
Louise, one of the parent specialists, I'm sure will be able to give better information. I'm sure she will be reading the boards tomorrow...