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Hi Everyone,
My children are 11 (12 in 2 months) and 9. I regularly leave the 11 year old at home but always insist my 9 year old come with me when I go any where, she's starting to complain and asking why, which has made me question why too.
I just thought I'd throw this question out there and see what everyone thinks. I have been on the internet and there doesn't seem to be any guidance about this from a legal point of view.
Look forward to your replies
Hello PQ, hazeleyes is right that parents remain responsible for a child's well-being. Although 12 is an age quoted by many people this is not the law. The law says "when a child can reasonably be expected to look after themselves" Some 12 year olds definitely do not fall into this category!!! and yet I know much younger children who do.
I also think that there is a difference in a 12 year old being left for a couple of hours and being left in charge of a younger child for that amount of time.
In your personal situation, pq, I think it is good not to leave them alone because of the current bickering and A possibly hurting H. But I do think it is up to parents to decide....which makes it hard for us, doesn't it? Click here to see a really helpful leaflet from the NSPCC
hi pancakequeen well asked tht same question on anova thread, av aluk got loads replies, my son is 14 half, i leave him on his own, not for long periods tho, i av lim with my little girl who is 2 but only say couple hrs, like yest left him with er when i went parents evenin and watched my 11 yr old son do cross country or when i nip shop, my 14 half yr old very sensible as wellx
My son is 11 and I will leave him to go to the supermarket and take the dog for a walk. I have only just started to do this.
i think 11 mayb to young to leave on his own i wudnt leave my 11 yr old on his own, i never av,he is 11 and half, when he starts big school is when i will but for short periods, he b 12 then,
I think it all depends on how responsible a young person is to weither or not you can leave them at home and at what age, you will know that as the parent better than someone else.
But do look at the link that Louise has given it has some useful advice.
Interesting one. I was left for a very short time after school when I was about five - six. My mum had no option but to do this regularly due to work commitments. I had strict instructions what I could do - which was play with plasticine/play doh at the kitchen table until my elder brother came home - about 15 -30 mins later. Believe it or not my dad (parents had split) tried to destroy the house whilst I was in it and I sat there still playing with my plasticine watching water dripping from ceiling. This was over 30 years ago!! Not making this up!! Its only when you put some of this in writing that you start to realise what you have gone through!! If it wasnt for this post - I had forgotten about it. Anyhow back to the post I was wondering if it was right to let my daughter get bus home on her own and let herself into house now she is 12. So far I have not needed to so not an issue but not sure I am comfortable with it. She is very sensible and she could/would ring me if a problem, but I would be worried in case anything happened and I was not there.
i th=ink when they start big school they can let them selves in with their own key, my kids av when they 12 . but they not on their own to ,ong at 12 they old enuf to av key and let them selves in,
My 11 year old is at senior school and she goes to school by school bus. She gets home about 30mins before me so lets herself in with her own key. I was really worried about her doing it but she has been fine and has enjoyed having a bit more freedom. I haven't let her go anywhere on a public bus without me yet but I'll probably think about it for next year.
Thanks everyone for your posts, I think you're right louise about my situation being a bit difficult whilst A is so angry and taking it out on her sister. I shall probably carry on doing things they way I am for now.
my son is in high school keira
yeah my son 11 but not in high school, he starts next yr, when they are in high school i think ok to leave child for certain amount of time
I really do think it depends on the maturity of the child in question. I remember my mum having no choice but to leave both my brother and I alone in the house for short periods of time when we were both still at primary school (he would have been about 10/11, I would have been 8/9). But we were quite 'grown up' for our age(s).
I'm sure both of you are doing the right thing for your child, Natural Mystic and kiera.
Hi All,
I have decided to post on here as I have had an argument with my ex about leaving my youngest H (she's 10) on her own in the house.
I went out with my other daughter for less than an hour. I checked with my neighbour, who is a close family friend, if she was going to be in (which she was) and she agreed to be available if needed, I left strict instructions with H about not answering the door etc and what to do if she needed anything.
He came round whilst I was gone. My daughter didn't answer the door but looked out the window instead, she saw her dad walking away so knocked on the window and he came back. When he found out she was on her own he went mad. He has since sent me pompous text messages about it which has really wound me up.
I've since been looking on the internet about it and have been asking myself whether I have been a bit premature in allowing her to be at home by herself. She's very sensible when she's alone, and my neighbour was there if needed and I wasn't gone for long...I'm not sure anymore?
Was it the wrong thing to do?
I remember being left when I was 4/5 and my brother was 2/3, if my parents went out in the evening (only a couple of houses away). I was left with a phone number to ring if anything was up (which apparently I tried to see if that worked) and they'd come back straight away. Obviously I must have been up to this or they wouldn't have done it.
I left my children to quickly run to the shop across the road relatively early, although most of the time my daughter wanted to come. It's really the same question as 'at what age do you send your child to the corner shop for a bag of sugar?'. If they're old enough to do that, they're old enough to be left for half hour or so.
Hello pq, it does depend on the child of course but you did not leave her for ages and had taken every precaution. A lot of people bandy around "12" as the age they can be left but that implies they are never alone before then and suddenly can be left all day!! As with anything it is a case of building up their confidence and yours and personally I do not think you did anything wrong at all. What bad luck that their (rather uninvolved) dad should happen to come round at that precise moment! Ignore if possible and continuing trusting your judgment about what is right for H.
Thanks Louise and hopeful
his timing wasn't great for me but by all accounts he's been'popping over' quite a bit recently according to my neighbours. Not sure what his motives are.
my ex mentioned in a solicitor letter about my leaving my 15 (now 16)yr old and 10 yr old - both very sensible girls for a few hrs. It has taken me a long time to give my older daughter any freedom, so try to trust my own judgement on this - hard, as the letters knock me sick...
Hi jadv, i can understand receiving those letters would make you feel ill, your right to trust your own judgement and at 15/16 your daughter is old enough to look after a younger sibling for a short amount of time, i don't think that much could be done legally anyway.
Have you had a look at this guidance by the NSPCC
Hi - yes I have looked at it and know I have made the right decision. After 10yrs of on off hassle, there are still times when my sound judgement becomes a 'grey' area, just because I was so use to feeling fear when ever ex contacted me.
Its hard isn't it jadv. I knew my judgement was good, but a challenge from my ex and I started to doubt myself again.
It's understandable that we as single parents can feel on the back foot all the time. I often think that the media in particular can point the finger, we are bad if we claim benefits, we are bad if we leave our children to go out to work. Add to that the way our exes have made us feel, and no wonder we struggle to trust our own judgement!
Glad you are feeling more confident in yourself, jadv.
Hi Pq. An interesting one this. C is 10, and I've been told by the GP he is too young to be left on his own, even if I popped out for 10 mins (which I have done) Someone at school told me that legally, you're not allowed until the age of 12, and of course, if the child is mature enough. Have also heard, that if there's an accident, when they're left, then the parents are legally responsible (which of course is obvious I guess)