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I had my first baby 8 months ago but my relationship with my partner has gone from bad to worse. He can start an argument about everything and screams hurtful things like hes been sleeping with someone else for months, im flat chested, any man would be crazy to be with me, he hates me. i just dont understand how he can be so cold and hurtful. our arguments have got worse and i know i need to leave but he is already controlling me with money and dont have any family or friends up North, i have moved up here since being pregnant. i dont even know if i can be a single mother.
How am i supposed to deal with the hurt and move on and be strong when my world is collapsing around me?
What is my next step?
This sounds very radical, but: would your family and friends down south not support you, till you're back on your feet? Can't you just go back? Then you'd be out of his control?
Thanks for the replies. He is all apologies and promises today. Im going to go back down South for a while to give us space and time to think about my next step. Its hard to think in the enviroment im in.
Thanks again.
Oh and Louise hes very much a Headworker, really interesting stuff.
Thanks emzel, for repsonding about that. Hope you can clear your head, you can still log in here from your family's computer if you want to talk to us, Don't be too easily swayed into just going back.
Hi emzel,
Whatever you decide i wish you all the best.
I have two young children and was pregnant when I separated nearly 3years ago. I don't have any family locally but friends and Surestart centres have been very supportive and this site is a great resource. Yes it's been difficult but worthwhile. I was miserable for a long time before I separated but since it was over, I have got my life back and have hope for a brighter future for the children and myself.
Be strong.
Hi emzel. Welcome along. I'm glad you've taken the decision to have a break and visit your family. A bit of breathing space works wonders. Being a single parent is sometimes hard work yes, but I'd rather be single than bring up my child in an atmosphere that isn't right for him/her. I hope you manage to get your head around things, and realise you don't have to take these put downs any longer. Take care.
Hi emzel from me tooo! 
It sounds as though your ex can be pretty abusive towards you. I am glad that you are going down South to get your head around things and get some space.
On that list that Louise suggested the Persuader is the persona that comes into play when he thinks you might be leaving or he has behaved really badly. It can come in many forms - flowers, apologies, undying love, promises of weddings, babies, holidays. Everything you have ever said is wrong with the relationship, he will promise that he will change and it will get better.
Beware - these are all tactics and if they win you over, he knows that he has you hook line and sinker - you have to remember that they are only words - actions speak louder than words, so don't believe any promises or apologies until you see the proof.
Have a lovely time with family
Hello emzel
Welcome to One Space and I am sorry things are so hard for you.
It sounds as if you know in your heart of hearts that you need to separate from this man but you are quite scared about the practicalities of thst, what it would involve and how you would go about it? Your partner sounds very abusive towards you (abuse is not just physical violence, it can take a number of forms) Please, when you are on your own, phone Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 to talk through your options. They can support you to move on from this.
As for your fear of being a single parent, I totally understand that. But surely that is far less scary than your baby growing up in an atmosphere of aggression and control?
Have a look at this page(click) and tell me which of the types you can identify your partner as being...it is very interesting. Remember one in four women will experience abuse within their relationships at some stage in their lives so you are not alone.
Please reply and tell me what you have learned from that article I have put a link to. Are you going to be able to phone Women's Aid today?