I'm desperate, I love my daughter so much, but she appears to hate me.... have given her all my love, money, let her rule our home, but got to a point where I felt like a doormat... so packed her case and sent her to her dads who I seperated from 2 years ago, it now appears he is giving a free riegn, money... I'm struggling on a budget, can't give her all the things she wants all the time. I'm trying got keep the house in repair. It's clean, always warm, beautiful garden, but somehow I've lost of daughter...feel like giving up... but I have a 10 year old too so can't... ( please help... I want her home, want peace....
Hello,
Thank you for the reply, she is 15, she doesn't like chores... she has just come home for one night as her father is away, the school rang to say she has detention for 30 mins tomorrow, says shes done nothing wrong and won't do it. She has now gone out and is not answering her phone. I despair.
The teen years are difficult ones, sounds like your daughter is finding it difficult to accept responsibility for her behaviour, which is pretty much typical teen behaviour.
What consequences are there for her not doing chores or not answering her phone when she is out, being in late that sort of thing?
Yes is digging her heels in, and all I can do is watch... feeling helpless.... I want to take her phone away but if I do I will be the bad parent and dad the good, when she was home I stopped giving her money, and stopping driving her everywhere, but she has gone to her dad and he is now giving her money... how can I instill rules if he doesn't do the same.
Unfortunately this is a common issue where one parent is the one to instill rules and the other one does'nt, that does not mean that neither of you should not have any. Your daughter will learn that you have rules at your house that she has to stick to when she is there.
I know it is tough when the other parent looks like the good guy, but you will be the one that is instilling good behaviours in your daughter and she will thank you for it one day.
Children need their parents to give them boundaries to help them feel safe otherwise they look for them in other people and places and those may not be the best kind for them.
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it, i am not saying that everything has to be rules and boundaries you also need to spend quality time with her and praise her for her good behaviour for example if she says or does something nice for her younger sibling you can say "that was nice, i like it when you help your brother".
I do understand how difficult this is i have 3 teenagers myself and there are day's i feel like packing my bags and leaving them to it too.
Do you think that you can spend some special time with her? what does she like doing?
Hi Mummy68 firstly welcome along to One Space
I'm sorry to hear you are having difficulties with your daughter, you are right she can't have everything that she wants when she wants it, as this is not healthy for children and also leaves us without some bargaining power.
As parents we have to set rules and boundaries that are children are to live by, these boundaries and rules are to help them in many ways such as building good morals and values and self discipline.
It sounds like you have not put many boundaries in place and are now facing the consequences of not doing so, but all is not lost as you now how to take back the role of the Parent to do this you will need to think about what your boundaries and rules are going to be?
Does your daughter have any chores where she can earn herself some pocket money?
What about bedtimes does she have one? how old is she?
You can take a look at this website which will give you more of an idea of boundaries.