Hi I'm Jennna
I'm married with 2 kids.
I'm in a violent relationship & trying to figure out how to break away from my husband.
I only have really begun to notice how bad things are in the past few months.
I've spoken with women's aid & the police have been here & i told my mum (ony about the verbal stuff). Yesterday I told my brother that I'm splitting up but not sure how or when yet.
Things are just awful at home. Christmas has been very very hard & I'm dreading him tomorrow night NYE but I have promised myself that this will be the last time I will have to celebrate Christmas and New Years with him for the sake of my kids.
I know its going to be a very hard road ahead as he has already told me he is going to make the split as hard as possible for me :(
I hope I can talk away on here & I would like to give others support too.
I started the freedom program online already this morning but maybe it's too soon as I found it a bit upsetting.
Sorry for the page of moaning!
Jennna
Thanks Hazeleyes.
I will be careful about posting specific things in case he reads but hoping he won't find out about this site!
Jenna, I know others on here have said on posts to start getting important things out of the house, such as passports, birth certificates, etc. Take them to your Mums or something, bit by bit, then if you have to leave in a rush, you've got some bits.
Do you know where you'll go too? Can you not go to someones tomorrow night if you're dreading it so much, or will that cause even more aggro?
Hi Jenna (I did check that that is not your real name, and it isn't)
First of all, welcome. Secondly, it is fantastic that you have identified what is going on and are getting ready to escape. What you need to do now, as Women's Aid may have told you, is to get together what you need. This may include money, identitiy documents such as passports, and birth certificates for you and the children, a few key photos, bank details, a change of clothes for everyone......You can choose to keep your kit somewhere else such as with your mum. This is so that if you have to leave very suddenly, these things are in place.Please confide in your mum about the full extent of the abuse.
I agree that the Freedom Programme may have to wait a while while you are in the middle of all this BUT the part which helps you identify the nature of the abuse is very relevant. The biggest hurdle is to accept that your relationship is abusive, that it is the abuser's fault AND NOT YOURS and that you must leave. If you have already got your head round these things then you can move forward.
Did you discuss the way forward with Women's Aid? Priority is accommodation, what do you think about this, have you an idea of where you would go, would you need a place in a Women's Aid refuge?
Stay with us, but yes, do cover your tracks online. If he becomes violent do not hesitate to call 999.
I would like to stay here in my home but husband told me yesterday that he will definitely not be moving out.
He said this after saying the day before that he would but his friends have a legal background & I think they have told him to stay put.
He knows that I don't want the kids to move so he is being horrible not to move. I always thought that if grown ups decide to split that one would leave & because I do everything for my toddler and baby I would expect he would leave but he won't!
He said yesterday that nothing has changed in his personality & that I'm suffering from PND. I was tested for this last week and got a low score so I know it's not true. I do feel very down today but that's because he was horrible to me in front of my child & my mum yesterday & I feel bad for her hearing that.
Very long post again! To go back to your question I haven't asked womensaid yet about accommodation but I really need to get away from him soon.
I need to find out if I am able to get ant benefits as Im going to be unemployed soon but I'm no clue about benefits. He stopped paying our full mortgage payments as few month ago without telling me so he has ruined my credit rating & I have very little money really.
just wanted to say hi jenna and welcome to this site - sorry you have had such a horrible time - you will find lots of new friends on here - good luck with your escape - i hope you get the support you need - it may be hard but as you say not as hard as living the life you are living just now - you deserve better -
Hi Jenna. You would be entitled to benefits if you were unemployed. For some reason I cannot get all the links for you, but I'm sure when Louise is back on line, she will do this for you. The main thing at the moment is the safety of you and the children of course. Have you spoken to a solicitor yet? Again, I'm sure Louise will give you info on that. Take care.
Hello Jenna
Yes you will be able to claim Income Support if you are a single parent have a child under the age of seven and do not have significant savings.You would also get your Council Tax paid and your rent paid in rented accommodation or some help towards the interest on your mortgage if you stay in the house.
Email our Money Expert here. Our Experts are back on Tuesday 3rd January.
Email our Legal Expert here. Ask about the house. Don't forget that the safety of you and the children comes first, though.
If he is being abusive, one of the things he will do is to deny it and make it your fault. Don't believe him. Read this and see which of the categories you can identify.
Stay strong, and we will be with you all the way 
Jenna, good luck with all of this. It does take tremendous courage. I'm so glad that you're in touch with Women's Aid, and hope they can help to put things in place with accommodation.
It's not ideal moving, yet somehow, starting anew in your own surroundings can help.
Sending virtual strength your way.
jenna be brave and leave a soon as possible! i left my husband 18months ago and left my house and all my belongings! i am still recovering now but im safe and cant be hurt any more
Well done to you fergie. Have you looked at the Freedom Programme? How old are your child/ren?
luckily my children are older now but they were 12 and 16 when i married him, it drove them away as they couldnt stand by and watch my husband beating me, luckily i have them back in my life now but still have mental scars from the abuse
Hello fergie
I am glad you have managed to turn your life around and to be back in touch with your childrem. Hazeleyes mentioned The Freedom Programme, why not have a look?
Hi Jenna - sending you loads of support and positivity for the future - good luck with this enormous step and take all the support you can get, in whatever respect. Good luck with tonight, too - have you got an escape plan in case he turns nasty?
Look after yourself,
Lucy
XO
Hi again.
I got through new years. Husband has been very nice to me today but I'm waiting for him to turn on me again.
I did the bad/good father part of the training and he is like that as well as being a bully so being nice for one day won't change anything.
He said he was leaving and packed a bag and I felt such relief but he came back again :( I really dread him now. Kept trying to hug me today and it makes me feel sick in my stomach.
I feel like I'm waiting to be rescued from this situation but no one is coming. I have to do it myself.
Hi Jenna
Yes that is the hard thing, realising it is down to you and you alone. Do please get that kit together in case the need to leave becomes very urgent.
So have you started thinking about a plan?
Hi Jenna. Happy New Year to you. I'm glad everything was okay, but as you know it can change, and at the drop of a hat really. Seems like he is playing a silly game by packing and leaving, only to return a short while later. Do take care. xx
Be strong...
He called my brother now so I've had sil & brother giving me advice but I actually feel worse now. Trying to explain myself and my husbands behaviour.So drained :( hate this. Don't feel strong at all :(
My ex contacted my brother, sister and my best friend to tell them how worried he was about me.
My brother travelled over from the Isle of Man to see me - I had no idea why until after the divorce. He told ex that he didn't see me as depressed but as exhausted as at the time I was working 6 nights a week and a day and a half admin without any help with the children.
It is a ploy, to get people on his side. "They" lie well. I believe in my case that ex wouldn't recognise the truth if he fell over it.
However Jenna. You know how things are. Don't try to justify things to your family as there isn't any need to. .
Keep getting things together - and out of the house, if you can, and don't forget birth and marriage certificates and passports if you have them.
Sparkling is right, Jenna, it is a ploy to get people on his side, AND to undermine your current support network
He's so pleased with himself now. Grinning at me.
I've got a court date soon to get protection from him.
My brother has just asked me to move in with him & drop the charges. I feel sick :(
I rang women's aid and feel better now.
He knows how to hurt me well.
Other than not speaking to him & I'm not sure how I can stop him getting into my head but I'll try to be stronger.
Hi Jenna. You are being strong, it is him that is making you feel like this, like you say by getting into your head. I'm glad you rang Women's Aid, well done for that As for your brother, that is nice that he is offering you a place to stay, but why would he ask you to drop the charges? Is he worried that if you do then it might make things worse or something. When is the court date? That is in itself a daunting process, but it'll show your partner that you mean business, and you won't carry on living in fear and putting up with his behaviour. Please keep posting. You're doing so well.
Your brother maybe does not realise how serious things have become, especially if your partner has been giving him a load of smooth talk......don't drop the charges
Thanks Hazeleyes
I rang my Mum &told her that my husband is trying to get my brother to pressure me to drop charges.
She wasn't surprised & told me he spoke to her before the weekend ' said he would work on me to change my mind & drop them. So glad I called her as she must have been worrying all weekend. She said I have her full support. Just typing this out helps so much.
Yes Louise. I'm pretty sure he is saying im depressed & not thinking straight. Until today my brother knew nothing of my situation so I can't blame him for just wanted to fix things & have me stag with him for a break.
stay strong jenna - we are here for you - you are doing really well - lots of good advice and friendship here - sending you a hug x
Jenna, I think you're probably right about your brother - it's maybe a combination of not realising how serious the situation has become and also not being able to accept it himself, ie, noone wants to recognise that there is domestic violence in their family because it means they have to actually deal with it.
And right now you seem to be dealing with it in the best way you can - you are being strong even if you don't feel it, you've already taken a massive step and you're on your way to freedom. Please look after yourself and - the same old record! - get your important documents and any cash you have out of your house and somewhere you can access them in an emergency.
A hug,
Lucy
Dear Jenna, welcome to One Space.
Christmas time is such a horrible time as everyone is stuck under one roof for often 2 whole weeks and the atmosphere can feel so intense and you have just endured it so well done you.
Also a big well done for recognising that this time next year, you WON'T be with him.
Actually finding the words and walking out of the door, (or even just fleeing) can be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make in your life. But I promise you it will be one of the best too.
Dealing with the aftermath will take time, but better to be true to yourself and start moving forward now, than be facing this again next year.
Did you contact our experts? Although it has been christmas, hopefully you will have heard back from them today or tomorrow.
You say that the police have been to your house, did you call them? If so, well done.
A woman is usually abused over 35 times before she calls the police and sadly on average 98% of charges are withdrawn by the complainant before it gets to Court. It is very tempting to drop the charges and go back to the life that you know how to handle (however tough it was), but if you can stay strong then it really does show him, that you are not going to continue being victimised.
Have a look at this webpage (the charity is based in Bristol) but the information is very clear.
Nobody wants to leave their home, especially when it is the childrens home, but sometimes there is no other option to keep you and your family safe.
I am glad that you are able to get some relief by ringing Womens Aid. Is there a local service near to you?
Just wanted to say hi again.
Still in the same situation but planning my escape. Looking forward to being a single Mum soon.
Hello Jennna
Been thinking of you and hoping you are Ok. Use the time to get your plans in place: you will know when it is right to leave
Glad things are moving forward...
Hi Jenna, great to hear from you. Stay safe, and let us know when you can, how you're doing. Good luck with everything, take care.
I didn't think he could hurt me anymore with his words but I was wrong.
He came in from work & went over to the baby and said how he doesn't look anything like him and the looked at me.
I don't know why but I feel devastated. He went out again but I'm here now with both kids asleep and should be putting my feet up after looking after the 2 all day but I'm so upset :(
I wrote it down and I know tomorrow it will help me to move things along but it hurts this evening.
Hello Jennna
How are you today?
You have been doing the Freedom Programme and from this you will know that what he is doing is one of the tactics that abusive men use to control you. It is normal to feel the way you are right know, and you are right writing it down will help in the future, you will be able to look back and see how far you have come
How is your escape plan coming along? maybe you could call womensaid again or have you found a local support service?
Just read through your posts Jennna...Keep talking here, as it really does help...Please, don't listen to what he has to say..I know when you have to deal with them it is so unsettling, but YOU know the truth, and that's all that matters, so keep that firmly at the front of your mind when he tries to mess with it. Hugs xx
Hi Jenna, at times in the past when I have felt close to breaking point I have called the Samaritans, that is what they are there for and it sounds as though you were in need last night.
Your partner will continue to make derogatory remarks and keep trying to hurt you. Put your bullet proof vest on. Remind yourself he is doing this to deliberately make you feel rubbish - that is not love.
Samaritans number is 08457 90 90 90 and you can always call National Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247
Do not feel that you are alone with this. Many women are going through very similar situations and it is not ok. As soon as you feel strong enough, get out.
Hi Jenna. Hope you are feeling better today. What he said last night was said to probably get a reaction from you. I'm sorry he upset you, but you know he was talking rubbish, so put the comment where it belongs, in the bin. Hope you're okay. Take care
He's just being a pain. He knows what to say to get a reaction.
I have four children and only the youngest looks like me - the other three don't resemble either of us, so I can't quite make out why a parent expects a baby to look a certain way.
Loads of hugs.
I had a bad day but feeling better this evening.
Thank you for your kind words. I know this is a single parent forum & I'm not out if the relationship yet so I hope you don mind me posting.
stay strong Jenna - you can do it
Hi Jenna
You are very welcome here and we are here to support you
Hi am new to this site.
Help is needed, I am married with two children. My husband loves me very much but I just find it hard to communicate with him without me turning into a spoilt teenager and kicking off. I just want to be able to talk to him like the adult I am!
Thanks J
Hello there
Firstly if you have used your real name, please change it to a user name. You can do this by clicking on My Profile (top roght of the page) then the edit tab then change the user name box then click save
We are here to support single parents whereas it sounds as if you need some personal and relationship advice. You have an awareness of how you "behave", which is great. However, in my experience these things are very rarely one-sided so there is something about the dynamic between the two of you.
You could have a look online at The Couple Connection or you could have some counselling at Relate or at Marriage Care (they operate on a donation basis)
Good luck!
A quick update. He has moved out.
I have a real mix of emotions at the moment but I also have hope for the future again
Hi Jennna, glad to hear you are looking at the postives, how are you today?
Hey Jenna, well done, I bet you have been through some really tough times since we saw you last.
It is normal to be going through all sorts of emotions, are you getting any support from your local womens aid?
Hi Jenna was wondering how you are feeling and hoping that things have settled down a bit for you?
Hi Jenna. Welcome along. Sorry to hear that you're in such a bad relationship, but well done for now doing something about it. Not only have you told the police but you've also got the support of your brother and your mum, which is great. Don't let your husband's threats of 'making it as hard as possible' deter you in any way. He's saying this just to try and frighten you into staying perhaps. Please keep posting, as others will be along, and of course you can chat here all you want. If your husband goes on line, I would however delete things that you do, so he's not aware of what you're doing.