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There is an article in the Daily Mail on the above subject, you can see it here: Would You let your teenage daughter sleep with her boyfriend at your home?
Many of us have teenagers and I think this is an interesting topic.
When my daughter was smaller her father said No Way would a boy ever stay over, I didn't like it, but he would have put his foot down and that would have been that.
As a single parent, the onus is on me to decide.
Is it healthy? Are we teaching them healthy sexual relationships if we allow them or are we encouraging them to have sex and become more emotionally attached to another person, who we as adults know will probably not be a lifelong partner?
Having sex is one thing as a teenager, staying over and waking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend is like another stage, should it all be bundled into one?
What are your thoughts? How did you feel about it when your daughter was younger, do you feel differently now?
Do you have a son? Does he have girlfriends stay over?
Hi bea4, so will your children only bring their girl/boyfriends home after they have been seeing them for a while and introduced you first?
Would it be acceptable for them to bring someone home that you hadn't met, only to meet them at the breakfast table?
No...
But then with the three boys sharing a room and daughter's room having three and a half million soft toys in there (room teeny), I don't really think they'll try.... 
Hhmmmm, maybe not, hee hee! Was it all a cunning plan sparkling!
What about any of yours wanting to stay over at their respective girl/boyfriends??
I know I have to accept that they're growing up.... Not easy mind.
Do you think it is easier to let boys go and stay at their girlfriends, than daughters?
No.
What goes on outside the house though is difficult to control, and lord knows what things can be arranged for during the day.
Glad I live in a teeny house!! 
Is there anyone out there that thinks that we should not allow it? I definitely think that it is fine to say....you are not allowed to have sex, when I am in the house....then they have to use their discretion and hopefully keep the noise down!!
It is all about respect, respect for yourself, your body, your family and your home. However there is the other side that says that if we are allowing them to have males/females to sleep with them in their bed are we showing them the right boundaries?
hi anna
my daughter has quite a few male friends that are totally platonic and has at times shared a bed with them.. the best thing we can teach our kids is self respect.
to be honest we can't assume just cos they are sleeping in the same bed means they are having sex, i've found up to 4 body's in my daughters bed after a night out.. if you teach your kids physical boundries and have an open minded relationship with them i think that helps..
hiya
my son has stayed over at his grilfriends a few times now, in the beginning they were not allowed to share a bed which i totally agree with.. now her parents have gotten to know his intentions are genuine they have allowed them more freedom to be a couple.
i feel heart sorry for all the teenagers that haven't recieved guidence in this area and i teach my kids not to judge anyone.
I agree bea4, we can't assume that because they are sharing a bed they are up to stuff, although if alcohol is involved, it makes it easier for 'stuff' to happen!!
It is completely normal and healthy for our teens to have sexual relationships, but it is important that we teach them to trust their inner instinct and stick to their own boundaries.
By keeping things open means that they are not sneaking around behind out backs and it then becoming something that they are not in control of.
I personally wouldn't like it under a certain age or let it happen but if they are going to have sex then they will do it else where anyway
Hi Tinkerbell2, when you say 'under a certain age', what age are you thinking? 18? 16? 14?
Anna, sorry this is a late reply - I don't think it's a good idea to let them (I didn't let my oldest son have his girlfriend stay over in the same room) - however, I am sure that if they want to, they'll find a way anyhow.... No2 son hasn't asked to have his (now ex) girlfriend stay over, nor did he ask to stay at her house. No3 son and daughter aren't interested yet, so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. It's difficult in my house anyway because rooms lead into oneanother, so there's always the possibility of being disturbed.... Ha!!! :-)
Well Anna at 18 they are an adult anyway- I guess it also depends on how mature the person(s) in question are- I would say 17 onwards is ok but I might think different by the time my little 1 gets a fella lol
Hi there,
I agree, we have to treat each teen and situation differently depending on their maturity and the amount of room there is in the house (and perhaps who their partner is)!
We have to adapt and shift as they grow and mature but we know what is right for our children, so it is important that we are the ones making the decisions rather than being coerced into it by our teen!
Sadly I think the answer for me would be different for a son and a daughter, which feels very sexist but I am being totally honest, I would have more concerns if I had a daughter. I have always had a very open relationship with my two sons and have taught them about contraception and we chat about what they want from life, and girlfriends etc.
As far as the age thing goes, I sort of think that 17 is about Ok, but I have no logical reason for saying that. If my son wanted to have his girlfriend stay here overnight then I would want to speak to her parents to Ok it first, even though they are both above the age of consent.
So, in other words, my thinking is pretty muddled on this subject!
I know I think it is a difficult one too. Maybe it feels like a complicated decision because probably most of us weren't allowed a boy/girlfriend even into our bedrooms when we were teens!! If I were to stay at my mums, I still wouldn't be able to share a room with a boyfriend now, only a husband!! 
I feel rather muddled about this as well, and tend to swing from thinking it would be o.k, to actually no i am not happy with that, i do speak with me older 3 about sex and relationships etc and we have a laugh about it, so i am not totally in the dark ages.
When it comes to my son the idea does not bother me as much as it does with my girls, not sure why that is. I jokingly tell the girls their not aloud to have boyfriends till their 30, which they reply "get real mum thats old"
I suppose i have to cross that particular bridge when i come to it , they are still on the young side emotionally and mentally.
I'm coming in late on this but I've been through this discussion with my oldest dd already. My 14 yr old has been with her bf for 2 years, and they have been sexually active for the past six months. She is on bc and they do use condoms and she has always been open with me. She has recently asked if her bf could stay overnight and I explained to her that my only problem is that it makes me uncomfortable at this point. I accept that they have sex but for now I'm just not ready for them to have sleepovers. After talking about it she understood my reasoning and we both agreed we would talk about it again this summer. They do spend time alone here when nobody is home and I'm comfortable with that, I'm just not at the point where I want to be at home when they are doing it. I may change with time but for now they both understand my reasoning.
Hi TamaraL1976, welcome!
It is a tough decision to make, so well done for being clear with your daughter. If we allow them to have boyfriends to stay over from an early stage, we are completely condoning their behaviour.
Having sex with a boyfriend is one thing when you are a youngster, but sleeping together in a bed then waking up together, is a whole new level if you ask me.
I was watching 16 & pregnant other day when i wasn't well - the American version. The mother of the pregnant girl was absolutely furious and wouldn't befriend the boyfriends parents, who were doing everything to be supportive. I couldn't understand it until she turned around to her sister and said - she is not allowed to have boyfriends in her room and never has done, she goes to his house and sleeps over and the mum allowed them to sleep in the same bed. I understood her pain.
Hi Anna! Thanks for the comment. Like I've told my daughter, there is a difference between condoning it and accepting it. I would never encourage or condone them having sex but after being together for 2 years I can accept the fact that they are intimate and do not want them to think sex is necessarily a bad thing if they are being responsible and safe and committed to each other.
A word of warning sleeping together can result in babies i love my grandson age 8 weeks
Congratulations, happy granma! That is a very good point though, it is so important that we talk to our children about protection and ensure that they are using it responsibly.
Anna thank you - I did with all of my girls. I think because of the divorce and my situation I was too soft. When i comes to my boy bringing girls home she will not be staying over.
I have 3 grandbabies - 2 live with their mummy and daddy and the newie at home with me. I help out but dont take over. I babysit at the drop of a hat and my eldet grandson calls me and tells me he is coming for a sleep over - even on a school night sometime - I just drop him back home when I go to work.
On the other side of it - its hard work being mistake for being their mummy (I love it really)
Both my eldest daughter work - 1 self employed and my yougest has a job lined up so Im very proud of them - I was a very young mum too
Righ back to mt desk lunch break over and its FRIDAY no doubt I will be greated with the boys tonight (this is what i call my grandsons - they are going to be my body guards when i got old)
Awww, it sounds lovely - yes hard work, but brilliant to have all that love around, it sounds as though your lot are all doing well, you should be very proud happy mamma.
It is now Friday evening - I hope 'your boys' are round and you have a great weekend :)
Hi Anna they boys were there and the eldest still here playin g tennis on the wii.
I went out for the first time in a long time last night with friends and although not in the mood had a great night
Glad you enjoyed your night out, happy mamma!
I used to often feel like not going out when the time came - even though I had been looking forward to it for ages! I am glad that you had a great night - always much needed methinks!
i have to say i struggled with this situation my son is a teenage boy i know he was not sexually active at the time but he said to me my girlfriend wants me to stay over i went not comfortable with that his answer well her mum has okayed they where sleeping in the same bed that made me turning round and saying no alot harder its hard because what the kids are doing now was what i done in my late teens drugs sex alcohol and most of the girls in my sons year have had three sexual partners pregnancy scares my son has spoken to me about every two weeks. oh the girl is discussing keeping it and all of those things that whats scares me
Hi sammie, I do not believe that that is what all kids are doing and even if they are, we are still the parent of our own kids.
It is great that your son is open about what is going on with what is going on for the girls in his year, it means that you have a chance to get your point across too. My friend has a teenage son and she said that she keeps a stock of condoms in the bathroom, so that they are always there and he helps himself - at first they were disappearing all the time and we were concerned, but it turned out (via Facebook) that he was blowing them up with his friends and putting them on their heads! Now he doesn't take so many on such a regular basis. But if he is going out, she will always ask if he has a couple on him, regardless of his reaction!
Anna look on facebook and see how some of the 13 year old girls on there are dressing i dont mean short skirts either, it is my sons page before you all start.
The parents of them girls should be shot and if my son ever brough one home ( if i get them back ) i would be very worried some girls think they are 25 the clothes they are wearing and yes my little girl will be locked in her bedroom untill she is 25 if i get my way god only help her poor boyfriends with me
Hi Pash02 I must admit I am also quite shocked when I see the facebook pages/pictures of my son's female friends (the 17 year old) and they DO all look a lot older.
I suppose all we can do as parents (whether we have sons or daughters) is deal with our OWN child. I have very open relationships with both my sons and I know that the eldest has safe sex and the youngest is very clued up with condoms and has spent the night with a girl but not needed the condoms.
I would also like to say that being a single parent gives us an advantage in this respect, for example if we were cosy old mum and dad then the young people could think of us in a sort of "Terry and June" way but as single people we may be going on dates ourselves and dealing with issues such as new partners, "sleepovers" etc and it has certainly enabled my boys to be more open with me.
Although I agree in principle that parents of younger teenagers are responsible for what their children wear. I think that we also need to point our fingers at society and the media. They are telling our girls that you need to wear limited clothing and behave a certain way to be acceptable and attractive to the opposite sex.
thanks Anna I have provided my eldest with a stack of condoms and i thought alot had gone but actually he gave them to his friends who where thinking of doing it. I dont agree with underage sex and will certainly not have his girlfriends stay. I dont want to encourage the behavior he knows i worry about him, I think the threat of telling him he had to sit in front of me and put a condom on a banana in thirty seconds made it a reality to him and gave him the time frame of how quick you can disregard safesex. we are easy to point fingers at parents Anna. But the world is so open about sex music industry knows sex sells and they know girls or women look a certain way will attract boys or men.
sammie, what a brilliant way to get your son to realise how easy it is to get 'lost in the moment!'
Children, especially boys Love boundaries, so I believe as long as communication is open and we don't show huge disapproval of their actions, we can support them along the way.
Teenagers are sexual beings and we can't deny that they don't think about it and want to act on it. It sounds like you are really grounded sammie 
I am reviving this thread because I have now had to deal with this situation, eek.
My son is now 18 and he has a girlfriend the same age. I am breathing a massive sigh of relief that they are both this age as this could have happened three years ago and I would have had to handle it very differently.
I have always said to him to have someone stay over you need to be in a relationship and I need to know her. So he got into an established thing with this girl and he asked if she could stay over, I said once I know her, yes. So last night I went out for drinks with them and we had a good chat, and I came home at the shockingly-late time of 9.30 and I did not hear them come in. She is working today and he is not so he got up this morning and brought her some breakfast. I am now waiting for her to go so I can go in the shower etc without getting in the way. It all feels quite exciting to be honest but then I think they are actually both adults. Wouldn't let this happen if they were both 15!
Gosh... It is different when they're adults. Having said that, with the three boys sharing a room here, it would be difficult for them!
Well done. I do admire you Louise.
I would be glad if my eldest was still here and sharing his room, sparkling, as this would have meant I didn't have to take this decision. It all seemed to work out Ok, however, and he took her to the bus for work and came swaggering back, haha.
I just want to do that thing where you open your mouth as wide as possible and try to get your whole fist in........
When my No3 son was 16, he started dating a 15 year old. I did allow her to stay over but they slept in separate bedrooms. He also stayed over at her house, and told me that he was sleeping in her brother's room. I found out a couple of months in that her mum was allowing them to sleep in the same room 
. I stopped him from sleeping over as I was very worried. We have always had open discussions about contraception and precaution not just for preventing pregnancy but also for preventing transmission of STI's but given the girlfriend was underage I felt I had no choice. She was however still able to sleep over here, just not in his room.
They remained together for two years before going their separate ways. I am so glad I held on to my ideals, and my son says he is too. He is now in a lovely relationship, has recently got engaged and we are planning a wedding for next year.
Take Care
That's interesting, Abra, and good for you in sticking to your principles.
My son and the girl discussed above have now broken up. What I have learned from this experience is that whilst I will allow another girlfriend to stay over in the future (son is 19), I will insist that they are together a longer time before she stays over. I also believe in being very open with my boys, although we had a rather fraught time recently when I suggested he had a chlamydia test (I had picked up a free test kit from the loos at the GP surgery after he confessed to me that he had had sex with someone with no condom) and we had to decipher all the instructions, and he had to wee into a paper cone and we finally packed the sample into the provided box (labelled "bio-hazard" which he thought was very funny)
Oh heck Louise.
I'm now facing this with my daughter. He's a nice lad though, and as she's almost 20, and following a mad drive over to MiL's to talk it through, he does stay here and she there. We have had a talk, and so far all is platonic. And I do believe her...
I have to trust that I've done the right thing.
As I say, he's a nice lad, works hard at college, and is very settled in our company.
I'm surprisingly okay about things, when I thought I wouldn't be!
Yes it's a big issue isn't it, sparkling, but as you say she is nearly 20. If she was away at Uni then you wouldn't know what she was doing anyway. I do believe it is about keeping the communication going so at least they tell you what is going on and feel able to confide (eg chlamydia incident)
hiya
my sons 24 and my daughters 17 and they are completely different when it comes to their partners, the 7 years between them shows a strong generation gap.
my son is more serious when it comes to introducing girls to me, hes a good looking guy and i know hes had quite a few links (thats what they call it nowadays)..he's on his second actual girlfriend and i'm impressed by his standards.. they are both beautiful girls inside and out..
i know they would'nt dare have sex with me in the house because i'm unpredictable, many of times i've rushed through the bedroom door and shouted what you doing!!..payback for all those sleepless nights he gave me when he was teething!..lol
my daughter had her first serious boyfriend when she was 15, her boyfriend was 17 at the time and i know they waited till she was 16 before they became fully sexually active. he stayed over near enough every night, which gave me time to watch his moves, i could tell he was a bit of a "playa" but she loved him so i stepped back and let it unfold naturally.. she was always aware in her own head that rarley does your fisrt love last, its beautiful to watch your daughter become a woman..