Hiya, as you can tell im new here! Im 24 and have got 2 amazing little men who are 6 and 2. My partner ended the relationship in January and things are still really bad! Just wanted to meet other people who know what im going through xx
Hiya, thanks for replying!
Its a bit of both really, things have been really horrible between us since we split, we tried to carry on being friends but in the end I realised that he was just using me because he knew that I was still in love with him so I carried on sleeping with him because I saw that as a sign that he still wanted me, which it wasn't.
He tries to be a good dad but just can't cope with the responsibilities of being a parent. I'm due to start uni in september on a midwifery degree which is a really intense course and when I asked him for help he said that he would only help if it didn't affect his life?? I just worry I won't be able to do it all on my own. I don't have any contact with my family and I've got a few friends but they're all in relationships so they don't really understand.
He's now in a new relationship and that is his priority so I've said to him until he grows up and puts the kids 1st he's not seeing them and I don't know if I've done the right thing??
Sorry for the long post!xx
Hello hollybxx we are here for you, it has been such a shock not only for your relationship to break down but all your future plans are thrown up in the air.
I see he is now in a new relationship, I am assuming you have stopped sleeping with him, if not then please do stop, and don't start again even if he comes running saying the new relationship has gone wrong. You know how one of your boys may have something taken away from them if they are (for example) hitting their brother with it? Well the actions your boys' dad has taken have consequences for him too, and that means among other things that he does not get to share your bed.
He has a responsibility to pay child support and if he will not do so willingly then contact the Child Support Agency, click to see
However, he is still the boys' dad and they deserve to see him. I agree he needs to be consistent and maybe you could work out a regular pattern of contact, perhaps every Saturday or whatever suits you both but he has to stick to what he has agreed otherwise they will be upset and let down, Are they asking you about their dad a lot?
Hiya,
I stopped sleeping with him when i realised he was just using me. As hard as it was ive just had to cut myself off from him completely. He used to come in the house but it just ended up being too hard to see him because i was so in love with him.
I made a claim to the csa months ago and he ignored 3 letters from them and now they are waiting for him to send his pay slips in, which he wont do.
They ask about there dad all the time and it kills me, i just dont want them to get hurt, ive tried to say to there dad previously that we need to sort out an arrangement but because he works different shifts each week its difficult. The day before the boys went back to school he had said that he would take have them as it would be the last time he could spend the whole day properly before going back to school but he went out for his birthday on the sat night and didnt come to see them. According to his facebook he didnt get home until 4pm the next day. He just puts his life and everyone else before his kids?
I want them to have a good relationship with there dad but i just feel he is too imature to be a good dad? Its so difficult and i just feel so lost. xx
Hello hollybxx, I am not surprised you feel so lost, and he does not seem to be putting time with the boys as a priority! Have a look at our article about talking with children when a parent is not around by clicking here
Great that you are on with the CSA, and well done for sticking with the decision to stop sleeping with him. As I said above, one thing I have seen a lot is a partner running back to their children's mum if they have a fall out with the new girlfriend so be aware of this too. Please don't look at his Facebook though, it will just make you feel more bitter about the way he us behaving, you need to look after you.
Do you go to any groups with your youngest, say at your local Children's Centre?
Hi Holly :)
Rushing through right now but didn't want to read'n'run.. Just wanted to say no matter how lonely you may feel sometimes and how angry and frustrated and desperately hurt you are, you are not alone, hun ((hugs)) It's been a year to the month since my husband left me and still it hurts a lot [in fact, I had teabags on my eyes this morning again to get the swelling down from crying half the night] BUT - it does get easier. I had people telling me that one liner for months and it never happened. Nothing changed. Until suddenly one day quite recently, I was lying in bed [just woke up] and that dreaded feeling os sickness and lonliness wasn't half as bad as I'd remembered it << not a huge step forward, but a huge help! My husband lives with 'her' less than 2 streets away, he left when our little boy was 1. I too slept with him for a long time, but I stopped it. I've no time to go on right now, just wanted to let you know you are far from alone and there are many people who can empathise and comfort you. Speak again soon Xx
Hiya Morrigan,
Thank you for the message. It is easier knowing that there are other people in the same position as selfish as that sounds. I hate that feeling of waking up in the morning and feeling sick, he is still the last person i think about before i go to sleep and the first person i think about when i wake up. I think about what hes doing and who hes with all the time and its horrible. I just want the happy times and my family back xx
Hello again hollybxx
You are going through a period of mourning similar to bereavement. It's a sad fact that we cannot make someone change, and the only way forward is to change how we cope with it. There are lots of us here who can identify with what you are going through.
Are you getting out on a day to day basis?
I guess your right, I just want it to stop now, have had enough of missing him when all he really done is hurt me and play games with me. Its so silly! Yeah I go out and about all the time and I've got some really good friends who are always there for me but having someone to love you and be with is completely different. I'm starting university on the 24th to train as a nurse so I'm hoping that will take my mind off things xx
What a fab ambition!!
Knowing that what I say is true doesn't make it any easier for you, I know, and maybe you would think about a few counselling sessions to talk through your feelings? if there is a "best" way to feel better then I would say it is to roll with the punches and let yourself feel the feelings and then say to yourself "I am feeling really ...... (sad, angry, hurt, whatever) and that's OK. Every day is day nearer feeling better" It's a tunnel to walk through and we can walk through it with you.
Sending you a big hug today 
Thank you, I am so glad I found this site. I have thought about counselling but wouldn't even know where to begin? Xx
Your GP can refer you for six free sessions but there might be a waiting list.
You can look to see if there is a cheap service in your area (some organisations let you just give a small donation rather than the £40 a time it would cost to go private)
Here is a link for you to have a look at, click on the blue letters
Hi, I'm also new here. I'm sure here you'll find a lot of good support and help.
Hiya, vinniej, thank you, I don't know what I did without this site before x
Well I'm glad you found it ;)
Thank you, was in tears again most of last night and I don't even know why!
Hi hollybxx, I am sorry to hear that you had a difficult night. You say that you can't put your finger on why you were feeling so blue.
Can you tell me some of the positive things that are happening for you right now?
I think its jealousy to be honest, he seems to have moved on so quickly and is having an amazing life, he goes out 5 nights a week and has fun while I'm at home looking after the boys.
I guess there are quite a few positives, I get to be with my amazing boys everyday, I get to kiss them goodnight and I'm starting uni on monday which I know will be a struggle but so worth it in the end x
Wow thank you! That can often be a real struggle to see positives and also to recognise emotions.
So we are thinking jealousy here. I understand that you are envious of his freedom - , doing whatever he wants to do, but there is only a certain amount of time someone can do that, until they become lost, so whilst in the early stages for him, he can do what he wishes, where he wishes and with whoever he wishes. He will come back down to earth, whereas you seem to have your feet firmly on the ground.
Your life is about to take off again, what with uni and all the new people you will meet. I am wondering whether you have some girlfriends who live locally who would fancy coming to yours at the weekend to have a girly night in? So that you feel as though you are enjoying yourself too?
In one sense some might say you have come away with the longer straw. You have your boys, you are in control of how you live the rest of your life and you are about to start uni. Things couldn't get better eh?!
I know it is easy for me to say, but things will change as the idea of being a single parents settles easier with you.
I guess things arent as bad as they seem. I just never thought i would be doing this on my own, always thought i would have my little family.
This is going to sound so childish but i hate feeling like he has one up on me, he knows ive not met anyone else and am stuck at home night after night where he has already found someone new. It just makes me feel sick the thought of him being with someone else because once upon a time we really were happy or so i thought and i worry that i will never get over him or love someone as much as i loved him. He knew everything about me, ive had a really awful past and he was the only person who knew everything and he was my best friend. How am i going to find that again?xx
I guess i could see what the girls are doing this weekend, theyve all got there own families as well so sometimes its difficult.
I was in a restaurant with my youngest having lunch today and the song that we were going to have for our 1st dance came on and i literally just burst into tears! I was so embarassed. xx
I would have cried at that, too!!!Glad to hear you went out to lunch, though 
Well your girlfriends may have their families but if they have a partner then hey they dont need a babysitter, you could have a girls night in at your house, a movie, a takeaway and some pampering. Might take a week or two for everyone to be free on the same night but that's ok.
How are you feeling today?
Im not sure how im feeling today? A bit happier i guess?? I need peoples opinion on the dilemma that i have. Its a bit long so bear with me.
So i am starting uni on Monday and this 1st week i am in all week from 9 till 5 everyday apart from wednesday when i have a lecture at 8. The plan is for my grandad to stay at my house to take the boys to and from school as it is a 2 hour journey to the uni. On tuesday night i was meant to be going out for freshers week and then stayinh with my friend on campus so i wouldnt have to leave at 6 the next morning. The plan was on this night for the kids to stay at there dads house, he lives with his mum and dad.
This was fine until my exes mum said that she cant have my boys staying there overnight during the week as she works, i completely understand this as she does have a demanding job. She said that it will be her looking after my boys and not there dad and shes just to tired and she doesnt understand why the boys dad cannot stay at my house seeing as i wont be here?
I just dont know what to do? I dont know if im strong enough to have him in my house, i still love him and i just dont know if i can do it. He used to come over all the time and it all ended in me getting upset everytime he had to leave or if he got a text from a girl or something?
I just dont know if i have any other choice? As part of the uni course i have to do placements in a hospital involving 12 hour shifts so its going to be inevitable that the boys dad is going to have to look after them overnight? My grandad said that he would help as much as he can but i worry that its going to be hard for him?
I hope ive explained my position and any advice would be great. Thank you xx
I know what you are saying but it might be that you have no choice some of the time if you want to go ahead with your plans. How sad that the boys' grandma has realised that she will be the one looking after them and not her son!!! Whereas if he is on his own with them then he will have to do it.
Do you think it is better for you to just get up very early on Wednesday and have your grandad arrive before you leave?
Hi hollybxx and welcome to One Space from all of us!
I am sorry to hear that things are bad with you, is it that you are still feeling very emotional or are there difficulties with contact and monies etc?
Do you have family and friends supporting you?