Hi
Isn't it strange that he feels that the baby with his girlfriend will be his "new" family? That is so very sad for your son.
You can't make him see more of your son, I'm afraid. While he can take you to Court, as he's the non-resident parent, you cannot take him to Court.
As for him paying you to look after his son?!!!!!!!! :roll:
I can only guess that it is pressure from the girlfriend, as she is pregnant, yet that is no excuse. She's met him knowing he has a son.
As hard as it is, I'm afraid all you can do is find ways of dealing with it. As the 'new' baby gets older, it could be that the situation will change again.
As for the money he pays, that's something he needs to accept.
Loads of hugs. You sound such a fantastic mum.
Hi Janine74
Welcome. :)
I haven't been in your situation, but I can sympathise. It makes my blood boil the father is going to put his 'new family' first. It is so very sad for your little boy, and hopefully once the new baby arrives, the father will involve his 1st child as much as possible. After all, your son will be related.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Janine74
Welcome to One Space and thanks for sharing your story. You really have been dragged through the mill, backwards and forwards to Court and your son is only 2 years old. :?
It sounds as if you have been accommodating and willing for your ex to have contact with his son. How hurtful that he has now turned around and wants to lessen their time together.
Fortnightly contact is the norm for non resident fathers to have access. As sparklinglime says, you can't control what relationship your ex has with your child unfortunately.
We have to be the one consistency in our childrens lives and once we accept that, our child will see that too and hopefully he will enjoy the time he spends with other members of his family, but know that home is where his heart is.
Please remember that your ex does not pay you to look after his son, he is paying for his childs upkeep. I am sure that you recognise this, but sometimes we can fall into believing what other people say.
When your son went for overnight contact, did he stay with your ex and his new girlfriend? Or does your ex have a place of his own?
Hi Janine74
If Cafcass were saying that 2 weeks were a long time for your son not to see his father it was probably because he was pushing the issue. Unfortunately in so many similar circumstances ex partners go through the Courts for access and push different issues to gain more control of the situation and sometimes simply to hurt the other parent.
Unfortunately you can't force him to see his child and the Courts won't insist on it either. It seems so unfair, but there is little you can do. I wonder if you wanted to talk to someone about it further you could contact The Children's Legal Centre on 08088 020 008.
They also have FAQ over contact issues: http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Legal+Advice/Child+law/contact/
As you say, your son comes home in good spirits after a visit, so you know that he is pretty happy there. It is a shame that the arrangements have to be changed as it could be very exciting for him and could help them all bond together all the more.
I wonder if you have considered writing a letter congratulating them on the imminent arrival of their baby and state your concerns there, in a friendly way. I don't know how you feel about the new girlfriend, but some families are able to maintain a good relationship because of the children and it could be turned into a positive?
Hi Micky
...this will be the best victory over him....to see me and my daughter happy and living a balanced life...life which he was uncapable to provide.Write again...maybe we can help each other.
This is so true.
My son's father (sperm doner) told me the first time he saw my son (at the age of 5) that I had done a good job, and I should be very proud!!!
Hope you ok
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi all, Micky you speak wise words! I just wanted to share with you, I went through this about 8 years ago, very similar to what you are saying, constantly being taken back to court, my girl doted on her dad, but as she got older an he broke contact again and again, he dug his own pit.
My friends said he would, but all I wanted was for her to have a smashing daddy and ignored all the negative stuff. Now she very rarely speaks of him, she knows where he lives and knows she can visit his family whenever she wants, she's just not interested. I am soo proud of her, she only has time for people who have given her the time, whether it be school friends, my friends, my extended family members etc. She is not bitter, but she does recognise who is being true and who is trying to lead her up the garden path, who thinks she's really great and who is just using her while they are visiting - very interesting....so the relationship with her dad definitely taught her something!!
I am confident that parents that play these games will lose in the end, children are not stupid and they soon learn which side their bread's buttered on.
I am confident that parents that play these games will lose in the end, children are not stupid and they soon learn which side their bread's buttered on.
From my experience growing up this is true I had more respect for the parent who didn't play games, my dad, he didn't lie and let me down (much :)) or ask me to lie either.
It's certainly true that children will eventually see a parent's real colours, and it breaks my heart to think of all the let-down children who will have to confront this. This makes it even more important that we (as the OTHER parents) are consistent, reliable and loving :)
Janine74, I agree with Anna that you could write your son's father a letter. You could stress in it that you hope that he will continue to have a good relationship with his son and that his son will be given the opportunity to get to know his half-sibling.Keep a copy and this will also be good evidence if another court case rears its ugly head. Sadly, sometimes these court actions are taken because parent A wants to hurt parent B, not because parent A really wants a good relationship with their child, otherwise why "win" the case and then let the child down?
Micky thanks for your input, what you have said is very true :)
Anna wrote:
I am confident that parents that play these games will lose in the end, children are not stupid and they soon learn which side their bread's buttered on.
From my experience growing up this is true I had more respect for the parent who didn't play games, my dad, he didn't lie and let me down (much :)) or ask me to lie either.
The Git will get the children to lie. It went on when we were married (which was the bit that pushed me into divorce) and he still does. If there' s stuff going now, they'll come home and go straight to bed...
Another thing I don't understand when it comes to their father...
Hi Janine74,
really sorry to hear about your situation. I have heard this story lots of times on here but have no experience of it myself.
At the end of the day you won't be able to change who your ex is. It is very sad I know. I'm not sure there is anything you can do apart from what you have already done.
I am not the best person for this, but there are many othes on here that will have good advice for you, that have been through the same as you. They will be on today.
goodluck
Pansy