Alcohol and drugs
There have been a few mentions in the Teenagers group about the concerns, anxieties and experiences of young people and alcohol. Coupled with this, underage drinking and binge drinking has been a topic for conversation in the media recently because of increasing levels amongst young people. A few years ago levels of underage drinking were believed to be dropping, at which point alcopops were developed and promoted and since that time alcohol related problems in young people has been rising - a classic case of business and financial interests undermining the well-being of our youngsters. On the radio programme I was listening to last week where this was being discussed, they also had a consultant talking about how the age of people being treated for severe liver damage was getting younger and younger and it was not unusual for him to have patients in their 20s.
Please use this space to comment, share your experiences, talk about your anxieties and concerns and discuss your thoughts relating to teenagers and alcohol and also the use of recreational drugs. There is often a lot of fear for parents when it comes to alcohol and drugs and their children, and also a lot of uncertainty - perhaps you think your child is using something but you're not sure.
What are the signs and symptoms that might suggest your child is drinking or taking drugs?
What can you do if you suspect?
Where can you get help and support?
The one thing you can be sure of, is that you are not alone.
I think this is really difficult. Your daughter is almost the legal age BUT she wants to have the kick of getting drunk, thats the worrying thing, plus the health implications of course.
I know where you're coming from. My youngest son is 14 and I have recently discovered (by spying on his MSN, yes I know that's unforgiveable :oops: ) that when he sees his 16-year old friends on Friday evenings they all drink and an older cousin of one of the boys gets the booze. I found a can of lager in his rucksack at the weekend as well. I went on the Supernanny website (its good, by the way) and it advised not clamping down too hard as keeping the lines of communication open is the most important thing. So I talked to him and said I am not happy that you are drinking at all, you are 14 and may well be picked up by the police and it can harm your health. But if you insist on experimenting then I would rather you were somewhere safe and "only" trying lager and not having things like vodka which are really harmful. I dont know how much went in though cos we went out for tea last night and we were talking about Christmas and he said will you get me some beer for Christmas Day? I didnt answer!
TL
Thanks Tigerlily, I'm so glad you've written that about your son because I have a 14yr old son and I know that he's been drinking with some boys he sometimes hangs around with - not his normal crowd of school friends. Thankfully I know because it was him who told me, so like you with your son we were able to talk about it. But it's just that with everything that's gone on with my daughter I get so paranoid about it and think that they're both going to end up as alcoholics and one of those people in their 20s with liver damage. I know I shouldn't say this, because I'm sure you'd much rather your son wasn't drinking, but it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only parent who's kids are drinking. I know of course that there's the boys he did it with but being a single mum I just reckon it's me who'll get judged. Crazy I know.....
Willowmay, I don't think that's crazy at all. I think there are many of us who are single parents who share your feelings of being judged more harshly than other parents based on what our children do. I had a look at the Supernanny website, and they say that recent studies have showed that 75% of 'high schoolers' (not sure if this is American studies?) have tried alcohol, so neither of you are alone in having teenagers who are wanting to drink alcohol. As you say, Tigerlily, the important thing is always to keep channels of communication open, keep talking to them and then trust that they will take care of themselves and handle situations responsibly and sensibly.
Tigerlily, I understand that you feel bad about having looked at your son's MSN, but again, I think you'll find there are many parents who have done similar things and we do it because we love our children and are worried about them. Most of the time pre-teenage children are very open and will share their worries and difficulties with us, but when they become teenagers they close up, their worlds become very secretive and that fuels our anxiety about what they are doing. You did what you did with the best intentions of protecting your son and I'm sure he would forgive you (particularly when he becomes a parent himself!).
Thanks for the tip about the Supernanny website, it does look like it has some interesting articles and advice. I haven't had a good look at it, but I did come across another article about alcohol and teenagers where they talk about 'good' and 'bad' kids - ie good kids being from 'good' homes and bad kids being from 'bad' homes. I do find that a very iffy stance to be taking, it suggests a substantial level of pre-judgement and generalisation which I don't think is helpful to parents or their children. However, it's good to have many sources of information and support but just keep an open mind about some of the opinions and advice given.
Thanks both of you for sharing some difficult things, which is so helpful to other parents.
Here's to sharing :)
I've just posted in another topic about my daughter and her body image/eating and also previously in others about the difficulties through her teens with pregnancy, going off the rails and how alcohol has been the cause of a lot of these problems, or if not the cause then part of it all, and so I don't really want to go on about her here more, but although things seem a lot better now, it's left me really anxious about alcohol. I was talking to her this evening about going to see her uncle in Edinburgh for New Year but she wants to stay at home so she can go out on New Year's Eve with her boyfriend and, in her words, get 'off her face' drunk! When she says things like that I get really scared, but I don't know if it's normal for a 17 yr old (despite of course being underage). So I ask her why she'd want to do that and she just says, 'well it's fun, innit?' Am I being over-anxious? If she didn't have the history she has linked to alcohol would I be as scared?
What do other parents think?
J