Alone and seperated

JaneX

Hello

I've been looking around these boards quite alot over the past weeks but have never known how to get started.

Let me say I'm a single mum and I've recently split from my partner who left us. I've been left with an 18 month old boy - his name is Daniel. I've been struggling to cope with the break up and the impact and change it has has had on my life and have been losing contact with all my friends it's been really hard.
I've no time to work and have had to find alot of help and support as I really never thought I'd be finding myself in a situation like this.

I was passing time on youtube over the weekend and while listening to some old favourites of mine I came accross a film for a charity that's been giving me alot of emotional and factual advice, it should view ok here http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/portal/page/portal/6A8483A9B2ECE43DE0406D4E73A15D7E or search youtube for single parents support.
They've helped with all kinds of things but it's been nice to have a friendly voice to help me find my footing, they've helped alot.
I finally feel like I'm getting some degree of control back. It's so nice when you find charities and boards like this and you can see other people going through the same type of things, it's comforting and somehow strange to say relaxing when reading other peoples posts and experiences.

X Jane X

Posted on: May 27, 2009 - 1:28am

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello Jane

I am glad you have found some help from Gingerbread and thank you for being willing to share with us and having the courage to post. I think the first post can be the hardest ;)

Sorry to hear that you are struggling, I am particularly sad :cry: that you say you are losing touch with friends. Is this because they are friends of your son's father and are taking "sides"? Or is it because you have gone through such a life change? Whatever the reason, see this as an opportunity to think about the sort of support and friends that will help you in your new life. I don't know if you have heard of net mums but this is a way to meet people in your area. Here's the link http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/

As for joining in with the boards, you could maybe give a friendly word to others about their own situation as well as sharing your experiences with us as you go along.

best wishes

Louise :)

Posted on: May 27, 2009 - 9:58am

sparklinglime

Hi Jane

When I discovered lone-parent forum's I found it a comfort to know that I wasn't the only one.

It must be such a shock for you to find your self in this situation, as its something we don't expect. It does take time to adjust. I'm so glad you've found support with gingerbread. I never had the courage to find a group at the time - which is how I found the internet, really.

I'm so glad that you're starting to recover.

I have found that I've lost friends. With some, I don't understand why at all. None came to me for my side of the story. I bought myself a new address book after I left. I wrote to everyone with my new address when we seperated, and put my new address in all the Christmas cards I sent. All those who I didn't hear from haven't gone into my new address book. Clearly ex got to them first! Those I do have now are incredibly loyal and supportive

Posted on: May 27, 2009 - 1:26pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi Jane and welcome to the boards, Gingerbread have excellent resources for all manor of issues relating to single parents.

Sparkling I think that was a great way of sifting through the people in your life and finding who were true and who wasn't. It sounds as though you have definitely surrounded yourself with trustworthy/real friends. :)

Posted on: June 1, 2009 - 1:53pm

MAYJACK

Hi Jane
I have a 17 month old Boy and his dad left me for someone else when he was 13 months old, I have found it very hard as I feel a distance from my friends as most are planning weddings and engagements and dont have any children so dont understand my situation. some days are better than others and I find my happy smiley baby gets me through the hard days.
Everyone keeps telling me time is a healer and Im starting to believe them as each day that passes I feel a little bit stronger.
I, like you never thought this would happen to me, our baby was planned and I thought we'd be together forever, but life doesnt always go the way we planned.

I think we could have a lot in common and I'd love to chat to you some more
take care of yourself and your boy x ;)

Posted on: June 6, 2009 - 5:24pm

sadsy

Hi Mayjack,
I'm so sorry you find yourself where u are. If i say anything foolish pls forgive me as i am new to site and not really together thinking wise.

My partner is leaving me, but we are still in the house together. It is day 5. I have cried every day.
She no longer has any love for me and she has found someone else last week as well.
She says she was living a lie, and has changed overnight into a stranger.

You are so brave, having a young child and surviving on your own.

I don't know what to say to help you - only that I found as a male partner, that I was totally unprepared for having a child. I didn't know what I was meant to do, or what I could do, and some of the things that were in my life before children had gone, and we were both so tired (our first child screamed all night, every night).

I didn't know what my partner expected and couldn't understand her anger with me. She seems to have never forgiven me for not helping enough or not understanding, I will have live with my mistakes now.

I hope you continue to feel stronger - and the sad days/nights will become less and less.

Posted on: June 8, 2009 - 6:21am

MAYJACK

Hi Sadsy
Thankyou for your kind words, I dont feel so brave but when I look back on all Ive acheived in the past 5 months I feel proud of myself.

Im sorry that you are in your situation, it must be hard being in the same house, I couldnt cope with that.

Me and my son are doing just fine on our own, its a struggle but I have to just get on with it.
My ex partner knew exactly what to expect when we had a baby as he already has a daughter from a previous relationship, he has since let her down aswell! he just cant handle responsibility!!

Anyway I hope things get better for you, maybe it will be easier once one of you moves out of the house.

take care x

Posted on: June 14, 2009 - 6:57am