Hello kitkat yes you have talked about all the nice things in a relationship and there's nothing wrong with wanting those. it would be nice to promote hugginess with your friends so that you get that at least.
Know what you mean about babysitters......so maybe the first step is to compile a portfolio of them ( :lol: ) Seriously if you have a few then each one will only have to be asked occasionally. I am very much in favour of adopted grandparents. I know I have mentioned this before. Are there any older neighbours that chat to your child when you're out and about? Are there responsible teens where their parents would be the back up if (for example) your child was ill while you were out? How about organising a girls' night in for your friends? you could do a murder mystery evening or bring a new supper dish to share, or a Sound of Music evening (yes :oops: I have held one of those) or any theme you care to choose...
Hi kitkat29
I SO remember those feelings, but i have to agree with bubblegum here, relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be, they are b***** hard work! Long term ones anyway. I used to have an immature philosophy a few years ago, after a couple of 1 year relationships, that the best thing to do was to go out with someone for 3/4 months, so you have the 'honeymoon period' then you should go your separate ways, because things only go downhill after that!!
I did this a couple of times but realised that this was not really feasible or real, so I then chose abstinence :!: And what a great experience that was! It was like bubblegum says,
it's better to find happiness and fulfilment on your own and with friends and family
I don't long for the 'proper' family that I once did, I am happy with my lot and now my daughter is getting older, I am finding my life again.
It is important to get out and about with friends and get some babysitters sorted (easier said than done I only ever had my mum, who could change her plans at the last minute) but most of all, find happiness right here and right now, a relationship won't make life any easier.
Hi sy
I think once you have been single a while then you get to enjoy it more ;) Also, maybe speaking out of turn, my own view is that it is a mistake to rush into anything after a painful break-up. I know a lot of people think that's the best way to recover from a broken heart but I don't agree :( . I know from various men I have met that they just "aren't ready for a relationship" for a while (same for women) and it is not fair on the person on the receiving end (me!) Far better to make a better recovery and love yourself for you, and then you can offer that to others
Hi sy, it was Louise that said that, but I am behind her 100% and agree with everything she just said.
We all long for that special someone, when we are feeling lonely, but only we can fill that void, a new person in our life should be a bonus - not a necessity. And as Louise says the longer you are on your own, and concentrating on you, the less you feel the need for someone else. I personally think we need to reach that point before we can be of any value to a new relationship. We need partners that are in control of their lives and not putting up smokescreens until 3 months down the line.
From another prospective, again in my experience, the grass is always greener on the other side! :) When you are in a relationship, you might yearn for those nights in front of the telly alone, or not getting dressed all weekend and not answering the phone, or going out and not thinking that someone at home might be concerned about you, etc, rather than having to entertain the 'inlaws', keep the house tidyish(!), consider other people's point of view and worst of all - compromise! I think this is the hardest thing to do when you have been on your own for a while! :lol:
Hello Sy
Big day for you today ( :( )
Thanks for your thoughts about love. I do agree that only time will tell whether a relationship is real love. What I was saying yesterday is that it is easy for any of us to be carried along by that breathlessness, and when that is over, to find we are not ready for a relationship, and that's not nice for the other person. I think we owe it to ourselves and the other person to make sure we are really ready, that's all.
Thinking of you
Erm..... :? I think when you are happy in your own company and have got over your last relationship. So many times I have had a date with a bloke, only for it to deteriorate into a blow by blow account of the disintegration of his marriage. If he is still tied up in that then he is not "emotionally available" to a new partner. It's important we all give ourselves healing time.....just my opinion
Erm..... :? I think when you are happy in your own company and have got over your last relationship. So many times I have had a date with a bloke, only for it to deteriorate into a blow by blow account of the disintegration of his marriage. If he is still tied up in that then he is not "emotionally available" to a new partner. It's important we all give ourselves healing time.....just my opinion
+1 to that : )
I had a girlfriend once that just went on and on about her previous boyfriend Jethro, bloody Jethro, I was only in my early twenties but what ever I did got me a Jethro used to to that or not do that or what ever, Jethro, Jethro, Jethro. I was once clumsily fumbling inside her jumper, as you do : ) well if you are a boy that is, I suppose, anyway, only to have her tell me that when Jethro did that it would make her climax.
? ! Hadn't she heard how fragile mens egos were?
It didn't last long and when I told her I had found someone else she attacked me with a cowboy boot and gave me a black eye : )
:lol: You have me giggling too bubblegum!
It is so true about getting over previous relationships first, I met a lovely man a year after splitting up with my daughters father, except I SO wasn't over him, after 6 months, lovely man finished with me saying I still had too much to deal with. I was devastated, but I kept silent as I knew he was absolutely right and I wasnt being fair on him, I had Jethro'd him!
Different people come into your life for different reasons, I think lovely man came into mine to show me that there was hope, that there are lovely, kind, honest men out there. He definitely set a bench mark for any other poor guy, but thats a good thing!
Is there ever a right time? Probably not...
I have read that when you learn to get on with yourself then you're ready.
But then surely if you've learnt to get on with yourself, someone else would just be an irritant?! :roll:
There are adult things I really miss, yet, for now, its me. And me being difficult is how it needs to be... :D
But then surely if you've learnt to get on with yourself, someone else would just be an irritant?!
Ha!
+1 to that too : )
Bubblegum, you have made me giggle too! :lol:
Yes I know what you mean, sparkling, and I have also seen people that have got SO used to themselves and their ways that it is hard to "share" again. A really hard thing for me (how silly is this?) was when a partner had done the washing up and he left the bowl in the sink, he didn't rinse it and stand it upright on the draining board :o I had to remind myself that my way wasn't the right way and also how fab that he had done the washing up ;) My solicitor once told me that the divorce petitions she drew up for "unreasonable behaviour" were often based on petty little reasons like that!
Ha ha! One of my bug bears if someone leaves the lid off the washing up liquid.....ahhhhh :o :shock:
It makes it go all squidgy and rubbish, but in future rather than seethe with it into the night, I shall be grateful that I have such fab friends and brothers who do do the washing up once in a while!!! :lol:
Oh heck that all sounds very difficult, I think I will stick to dancing round my handbag :D
:lol: :lol:
Thank you sadsy for your information! I am going to try it on my work colleagues (who funnily enough are nearly all female) and see what happens, just for fun!! As I am sure it works with all people that we want to have good relationships with, not just potential partners!
It really tickles me, that there are all these unconconsious messages we are sending out that we don't even know about!!
:o - that's me raising my eyebrows!! :lol:
I won't have that problem as now one would raise an eyebrow at me - unless its at my size.
Sadly, its what people notice first. I've learnt not to look! :D
Dancing around the handbags... Now those were the days of my life that were good!! I like to think I did appreciate at the time too. 8-)
That's really kind of you to say.
Time will tell. Children have to come first at this point in time...
Good grief no, you've not upset me at all! :D Honest!
I enjoy the chats very much on here!
I would like to add that I noticed the lid was open on the fairy liquid bottle. I had left it open. The lid has now been rinsed and shut :D I thought of you Anna!!
Flipping heck, I should hope so! We can't have standards slipping, you know. And have you rinsed out the bowl? ;)
I don't have a bowl :?
The sink is funny. Although the kitchen was new when I moved in, who ever put the sink in made a botch job with sealant making the waste higher than the sink - so a bowl just acts like a plug! They also stood on the draining board too, so that doesn't drain... :shock:
My sink is shiney though as I did wash the pans! I have dishwasher for the rest, and the children sulk when I ask them to fill that!! :roll:
Phew I will let you off the hook, sparkling. Did you ever get through on the phone re the Xray, by the way?
Yes. They've phoned me back. I go on Tuesday.
WOOHOO at last. I know you don't neccessarily think it will shed any light on the matter but anyway it is good to be able to know. Fingers crossed, then!
I noticed the lid was open on the fairy liquid bottle. I had left it open. The lid has now been rinsed and shut I thought of you Anna!!
:lol: Well done you!! Very pleased to hear it too! I hope others in the class will follow suit!! Tee hee!!
Have a good Wednesday eve :)
Hi Lotty
Welcome to One Space. Really glad you enjoyed Christmas. As for New Year, could you perhaps have some sort of party at a house, where children can go, so no one needs a babysitter. I know exactly what you mean about adult company! My son is 7, and it has been just the two of us for Christmas. I haven't seen another adult since Christmas Eve, though have spoken to some over the phone! (Not the same though eh)? He is marvellous company, but I have craved 'me' time, which I haven't had.
Have you joined any dating services? I guess, this way you can check them out, chat a bit on line, etc. I myself couldn't do that, but it was just a thought!
New Years Eve to me is just the thought of getting another year older, and that so depresses me :roll:
Hope to chat some more, there are lots of other topics on here, as you can see. Feel free to poke around so to speak.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Lotty
New Years Eve can be the time when we can feel even more alone than ever. I was going to suggest that one of your single parent friends hold a party, the kids will have a great time and you can enjoy yourself too??
I then read Alisoncam's post which is even better, host the party yourself!! Get a DVD set up in your daughters room, get all the kids in there, then you and your pals can party as long as you like. Although there might be a mess the next day, it does mean you don't have to find taxi money and you may have helpers!
As for finding a new partner, I think again this time of year is so poignant for making us aware, just how alone we are!! But it is all a state of mind. We have talked many times on this board about people who are in relationships, how we have no idea how happy they really are and how we have found out that WE are envied because of our freedom etc etc. My conclusion is that the grass is always greeneer on the other side!! So we have to enjoy what we have right now. Our freedom, peace of mind and compromises.
I understand what you are saying about wanting a settled relationship, company and affection are important human needs, but Lotty you stay as picky as you are. I think some of us women let men get away with far too much and don't give ourselves credit , or recognise the power and strength that we have dealing with the situations we are living in.
So in answer to your question YES I think we can all agree that these are common feelings, butwe need find happiness and contentment with what we have right now. Don't give up hope on finding someone, but don't be looking...... from my experience, relationships often come along when you are quite happy where you are!
What are you up to today, have the party ideas given you any food for thought?? What are other people doing? I have been invited to my daughters friends parents New Years Eve party, I think it will be fun, however they are an army family so I imagine the other people there will all be marrieds, ho hum! I am looking forward to getting dressed up and getting out though!
I love the idea of the New Year plans! I'm sure they'll be enjoyed by all.
Something strange has started to happen over the last couple of days. I've been watching silly romantic films - as you do - and all of a sudden find myself wanting that happiness for my children. Before, I'd been daft enough to want it for me.
Maybe I have finally settled into being happy single. I have nothing to offer anyone now anyway, but hope my view points don't rub off onto the children... Mind you, with my daughter already having declared 'what's the point of love anyway, it doesn't bring you joy', I may be too late. 8-)
Wishing everyone a healthy and peaceful New Year.
sparkling lime, all those romantic films ;) I love them too. I know exactly what you mean about wanting those things for your children, although I also have to admit that when I first realised that, I was a little jealous :oops: thinking of them with their whole life ahead of them.
However, I have to disagree with you when you say you think have nothing to offer, never say never, you are such a loving and giving person that you never know what might happen and I might have to put you on the naughty step if you're not careful........BUT it is great if you are happy being single at the moment. As Anna says, it is important to appreciate the here and now and enjoy every day as much as we can
Ermm........... 8-)
I used to imagine myself on my own with cats!!
I'm finding it so hard though, watching my two dogs getting old that I've decided I'm going to have a fish tank - one that has plastic magnetic fish. No emotional ties as they won't die - just might conk out! I think I can cope with that :lol:
Oh I havent seen magnetic fish sparkling lime, if you find some on the net then let us have the link so we can have a look?
I will have a look for a link later.
The children were given a small one a few years back, and I loved it!
It was something like this the children had. I'm sure there must be bigger ones available :roll: If not, I might have to buy a small one, dismantle it and work out how to build a bigger one :D
Oh I see what you mean. I think I remember seeing a similar thing in Argos about a year ago, but I can only find a fish lava lamp on there now http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/4325413/Trail/searchtext%3EFISH.htm
Hi there lightatendoftunnel
Is there a way of having just the nice bits without the hassle that comes with a relationship?
Yes I believe there is!! Well I know that other people's relationships always look rosier than what they may actually be, but I have a couple of friends now that are single parents and have boyfriends who have their own flats/homes. It seems that as women we often are quick to move in with a man, especially when raising our children alone, we want to create a 'happy family' and often it goes pear shaped.
One of my friends has been seeing her chap for 4 years now, she has two children at home with her, but she sometimes stays with him, they all spend Christmas together, they do holidays together and separately. It seems to work for everyone! I love the idea that you can spend 2 weeks inseparable and completely loved up, then when you need a bit of space ......have it, rather than stuck all the time with someone!
Having been through all that relationship thing a fair few times, I have to say, it's not all it's cracked up to be.. sure there are the good times, the laughter and the smiles, holding hands, chocolates and flowers.. but it generally ends in heart ache and tears and people saying nasty things to each other.
I think it's better to find happiness and fulfilment on your own and with friends and family.. they don't generally turn into schizophrenic psychopaths at the drop of a hat, though I'm sure there is the odd exception.
I may of course be viewing this from my own experience : )
And.. having said all the above, good luck in your search : )
later :)