Hello shellyan
I am sorry you are so down at the moment, you must get very tired with working and bringing up the two children as well. I have done it myself (my boys are 20 and 15 now but they were eight and three when I split up from my husband and I went straight back to work)
First of all, welcome to One Space. There is lots of support and information here and some fun times, too. Have a look around and jump right in.
It sounds as if the one thing that would make a difference to you is to make some friends and have a social life. The babysitting thing is a real bind, isn't it? I truly believe that is one of the keys to moving forward. Of course, you don't want to leave your children with just any old person, you need to be sure they will be Ok. What is your daughter involved in? Brownies? Choir? School even. See if you can talk to the other parents and find out what they do. I used to have a young woman who was a nanny to another family and one night a week she would come to my house, cook her tea in my microwave and babysit while I did an evening class. Yes, I had to pay her but it was worth it. If this does not sound viable for you, get in touch with local day nurseries and see if any of their (qualified, CRB checked) staff would like some occasional babysitting work. They are very poorly paid and may be keen to make a few pounds. Once you have made a few friends then some of them may have older daughters that would babysit, but it is early days yet.
I know that you will probably feel that it is other single parents you want to make friends with (and of course they will understand your situation better) BUT you could befriend women who are in couples and then host a girls night in your own home (maybe on the back of a party plan for jewellery or make up) They will be glad to get out, they will all have partners to babysit for them and you don't have to get a sitter.
Have a look at your local NetMums for activities in your area, you could go with the kids. See http://www.netmums.com/meet/
One way to make friends with other parents is to invite their children to tea! Think of it as an investment.We have a section about local events, here is the link http://www.onespace.org.uk/your-local-support-events/east-midlands
Hope this has given you a couple of ideas to be going on with. It won't happen overnight but a steady campaign will pay dividends!
Keep posting about your day to day concerns and news and we will keep supporting you. Others will be along to say hello later
Hiya shellyan
Welcome to One Space, like alisoncam, I am glad that you decided to come on and give us a go! Do have a look around the other topics and have a giggle or serious conversation, its up to you!
Ok, so you are feeling very alone, others have left some good suggestions. I especially like the inviting people to yours, no need for babysitters!
I too felt very lonely years ago, so am thinking back to where my friends came from and most of them were from nursery.
I am presuming your 3 year old is at nursery while you are working? Can you talk to one of her carers and find out if there is anyone else in your situation, they might be able to casually introduce you.
What about people you work with? Any of them have older children for babysitting or neices? Or what about arranging a picnic in the park for all employees to bring their children to??
One place that some people find support from is the church. I don't think you have to be religious necessarily, but you can visit on the weekend, meet other parents and they tend to have quite a lot of social events! You might some spiritual enlightenment too!
I only mention this as a childhood friend has recently moved her family 200 miles away and I asked how she was coping and she said one of the first things she did was go to the church, so the kids could people other children and now she has new friends and a network if ever needed. I was quite envious actually. I think this country really lacks community unless you are involved in religion.
Of course you may go and hate the whole idea, the people and their way of life, but just another idea :)
hello Lian1122
I have just been saying hello to you on the the other thread!
Thank you for you input. I don't think that anyone who has not done the parenting and working at the same time realises how hard it can be and you're right, it is about finding some "me" time in each day, even a tiny bit helps. I hope you have also found the suggestions of other memners inspriring for you too.
How are you today, shellyan?
Hi Shellyan and Lian1122
Bath! Fantastic idea, get a good book and fill the bath with bubbles and soak! Thats my favourite 'me' time! How about a film with some nibbles?
Lian1122 you are so right, it is emotionally straining trying to recover from the breakdown from your relationship AND trying to be an effective parent! It sounds as though you are doing a good job of holding it all together, are baths your trick to sanity??!
Hi lian, I think I'm following you around the boards hehe. Yep this site is terrific, and definately put it in your fav box :)
What comedies do you watch? I love Friends. I also love Desperate Housewives, I imagine I'm one of the wives in their gorgeous houses. Yeah right, dream on eh lol.
Hope you manage to get that deserving bubble bath.
Alison
x
Hi Lian, it's great to see you joining in with all topics. Feel free to start one of your own too if you want :)
Still not too warm. When I woke at 6 this morning, the sunshine was streaming through windows, but it seems to have disappeared. When is the real summer going to start??? Are you going anywhere for the holidays? Sad to say I'm not, but I'm sure C and I will find things to do.
Have fun this afternoon
Alison
x
Hey girls
The sun is shining and it is promised for the next 5 days at least.
I think another relaxing treat is a jug of traditional lemonade in the garden with a rug and good book, or even just a snooze!
Hi Shellyan. A very Big Warm welcome to One Space. I'm really pleased you're giving this a go :) I've been on my own since the pregnancy and my son is now 7. Yes it can be lonely, but I'm sure as you know, also very rewarding. I started meeting friends once C had started school. I don't have many, but the ones I have are lovely.
How about your 9 year olds schoolfriends? Does she have them over to play, or go to play at theirs? Thats one way of getting to know others. It doesn't matter if the parents are married or single. How about your work friends? Have you worked there long?
Its always difficult when you haven't family around either for support or babysitting etc. To be honest I don't go out without my son, as I don't like asking for babysitters, and I wouldn't be able to afford it either.
I'm glad you've found this group though. Everyone is great here, and others will be along at some point to welcome you, and give you a lot of information etc.
Take care, look forward to chatting some more
Alison
x