So, you are a single parent, when is it time to start dating again?
Is it feasible to start dating, now you are a mother/father? Do you have time to date? Do you have the money?
Some people choose to never even enter into another relationship whether it be serious or casual, how is it for you??
I am seeing someone. I wasn't looking for a relationship cos I'd not long left my husband and I was enjoying my freedom. It just kind of happened. It's rather complicated because he is a 'friend' of xh (a reluctant friend as it turns out). Apparently he has liked me for years but never did anything about it cos of course I was married. He could see how unhappy I was and has told me that he wished he could have given me a hug when I was down, but couldn't.
Anyway, it appears that he knew that I was leaving xh a few weeks before I left (his xw is friends with xh's xw who I confided in) and kept it quiet from xh (thankfully) and was very excited by the news. He waited a couple of months before making a move, lol. He works in IT and offered to help me with my ailing computer. We've been seeing each other for five months. There are no plans for living together or marriage as we are both happy with our own space and I have lots of things to achieve before even considering settling down again.
Anyway, sorry, I don't know about the dating thing, cos I never actually went into it, lol.
Hi rosedragon, that sounds as if you have found a happy medium. Happy in your own space and happy to share!
Good luck with him :)
Hi conny
It is not unusual to feel horror at the thought of dating again! I think single parents get onto the dating scene to try and find a new daddy for their children and a partner for themselves, this is completely understandable, but until we have come to terms with what has happened in our lives and we find a happy settled place where we don't need from anyone else, that is more likely the time that we will find the right person. We are not the same as we were when we had no baggage (word used in the nicest possible way ;) ) We need to find out our way of life before someone else comes into it and sets us on our emotional rollercoaster again!
Our children need us to be happy and stable without all the extra emotions a relationship brings. So hold on to your hats :?: get yourself and your family sorted and don't worry about that side of life. When you are ready the right man will come along, you will recognise that this is the right relationship for you, not because you need it or want it, just because it is and you know yourself better. Then how you deal with him and your children will be smoother and not so mind boggling :!:
Every man is different, so you might meet someone that you feel you want to spend the rest of your life with and want more children and him to be step daddy to yours, or you might meet someone who you can have great fun with at the weekends, but you don't want him to be around all week as you have your own life to get on with.
Baby steps! Just enjoy any attention you get! :D
Valentines are only fun if you have no idea who it's from... Happened to me when my eldest was a baby (he's now 17!), ex was furious - and I never did find out who it was from. Personally, I reckon there must have been someone with the same name as me living in the same area, and, as it was delivered by hand, someone got the wrong house....
I have to say, I'm quite happy with it being me and the children now. They're older though and we do have a lot of fun.
Hi nets
Aghh the pain of affairs of the heart. It might be that you look back in time and think thank goodness for the new man (even if he did mess you around) as he got you out of your original relationship? Also it must have been good to feel all those great feelings again?
But its ok, because you have your future ahead of you now, the world is your oyster and you know that you really don't want to be with a man who is prepared to cheat on his partner. He might have been very charming, handsome, attentive, lucrative, witty etc etc etc, but all this time he was being deceitful to someone who was trusting him.
You need better than that nets, give yourself time to be sad, have a good cry, listen to soppy music, wallow in your sadness and then you can pick yourself up and dust yourself down and see a brighter future. :D
I truly believe that the right person comes along when you are not looking for them, when we have found happiness within ourselves and we are content being on our own, then we can recognise what we want and what we don't want from someone else. We aren't so prepared to compromise, because we don't NEED someone else.
Dating is fun and important to remind us that we are gorgeous/handsome/desirable/and an adult! Although I don't think that we have to sleep with them on the first night, it can be fun getting to know someone and then making that choice.
Hi petrie
Thanks for that. I had a similar scheme when mine were little but we paid each other in buttons. Incidentally, a lady for whom I babysat every week used to leave out my "allowance" for the evening: two Rich Tea Biscuits and a mug for tea and the kids would run in and out all night helping themselves to all the stuff that had been hidden away on the top shelf (Wagon Wheels, Twixes and cake etc) what a meanie :lol: :lol: :lol:
Two rich tea biscuits??? I hoped you helped yourself to the Wagon Wheels too, when no-one was looking! yum yum!
Babysitting network sounds a great idea, you just need someone to co-ordinate it and sparklinglime, I think you would be fantastic at that sort of thing. Another thing to add to your many duties!! Getting references from work sounds brilliant and paying in buttons - even better!
It's a brilliant idea. I'm sure it would work well on the estate I live on too.
It's pretty good though, as my older two are now old enough to babysit. Just I have no one to go out with!! So I need to wait for them all to be old enough so we can all go out together!
I did met someone. However, due to the pressures of my ex cancelling contact time at the last minute, and my now friend losing money on tickets, or us losing money having booked Travelodges, I found the stress too much. I'd be mad at my ex, having to try and hide this from my children, and then now friend would be furious with ex at upsetting me and letting the children down (he accepted that booking things etc could result in us losing money).
I couldn't cope with the my fury and my now friend's reaction too. My children found all the cancellations very difficult to cope with - especially my eldest, and so they need me more.
It's been good too, in a way, as I have found that my now friend isn't quite the man I thought he was... He did show me what it is to live again, and he got me laughing again. It was good that my best friend could see that I was recovering before she died...
I won't look for another relationship. My ex told me I was a difficult person, and I've realised that this is the case! I'm happier alone as I won't have that feeling of disappointment. After all, the only person it seems I can rely on in life is me :D
As for my ex. Since I left in March 2004, he has had three fiance's. He has married the third (third time lucky as my daughter said!). It's far easier for those parents who are non-resident to build a life, as they can choose to cancel contact time. The parent with care don't have that choice.
I know all this sounds bitter and down, but I'm not at all. I almost feel better for knowing where I stand in life and having reached the decisions I have.