I don't mean do you like being single, I am thinking about how happy you are when alone. Do you like your own company or do you prefer to be with friends? I remember when I was first separated I used to feel very panicky as the weekend approached if I had no social arrangements and would accept almost any inivitation just to have company. The worst time was Friday night; I would sit at the window and watch everyone arriving home from work and feel so lonely. I like being on my own now, don't get enough of it with the family around, but it took me a while to be content on my own. What are your experiences?
Louise :)
I have come to accept that I will be on my own. With my computer as my company (I am a member of a couple of other forums), I'm quite happy on my own. Whether I'll be saying that when the children have left home though, I'm not sure. As it stands I'm looking forward to the quiet!
I think it's great that there is now the option of cyber friends and company for those times we would like a chat but are on our own.
Louise :P
Hi Lucy and welcome, thanks for posting.
With only 4 weeks since your separation, this must be a really difficult time for you, especially as you have 3 young children to care for. As you say, though, it can be the evenings and nights that are the hardest, even though you may be relieved the children have gone to sleep! There will be lots of practical arrangements to make in the coming weeks and months but it is also important to take time for yourself and to allow yourself to grieve. You may find counselling will help at some stage and this can be accessed through your GP. There is a book called "Putting Children First" by Karen and Nick Woodall, which has a substantial section guiding you through the process. It is available from Amazon or from http://www.separatedfamilies.org.uk. There is also an organsation called Divorce Recovery Workshops which runs short courses throughout the country to help your emotional processing and to enable you to meet others in the same situation. Their website is http://www.drw.org.uk
Take care of yourself, Lucy, and drop in when you need a bit of support, to let off steam or just to say hello.
Louise :)
Hmm that's interesting Fi; I only just came across them recently and had a look at their website and certainly there wasn't anything re religion but I bow to your experience. Has anyone else been to one?
Louise
Hi again Lucy, yes when you are used to coping then sometimes it is difficult to admit you could do with some support, but as you can see from these boards, supporting each other really helps ;)
Sorry to hear there is no Gingerbread in your area at the moment, I don't know if you know how they work but they are self-forming groups who run themselves with the support of the Gingerbread main office. I presume you have looked at their website? If not here it is: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/ The organsation recently merged with One Parent Families in London to provide factsheets and an advice line.
There is another possiblity: that you could join with other parents of young children whether partnered or not, have a look to see what activities run in your area. You could also contact your local Council for Voluntary Services, who can advise you of anything voluntary/support groups for families or lone parents in your area. You can find your nearest one by going to http://webdb.navca.org.uk/home.aspx
Also don't forget that a lot of support is available online and I would also recommend the Samaritans for the wee small hours when you're feeling alone.Their number is 08457 909090.
However, it may well be that whilst it is nice to know about all these resources, actually you need a bit of time to get used to the new situation and the extra demands it places on you. So don't feel you have to rush around looking for a "cure"; it is enough to be getting through each day...so give yourself a pat on the back when you do get to the evening, they are in bed and you finally get chance to relax.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing
Louise :)
I don't really like being on my own but I have joined that evening class and I have the kids on a weekend and see my parents, I did find it hard at first that my friends seemed to be distant but things are settling down now, I have one mate that I meet most weeks for a drink, I have known him for a while, he said he felt awkward when I was first seperated but now he knows I do not want to moan on about it all the time then he is Ok with me
Gamma