I don't know what to suggest.
Sending loads of hugs your way.
Hi Dogdays76
As I understand the situation, your parents have disowned you because you have got back together with this man. However, they clearly do want a relationship with your son as they have offered to take him on a family trip. Do you feel Ok about them taking him for the trip? the reason I ask is because of the violence you mentioned. If you feel Ok about this, then I wonder if they will come round to the idea if your boyfriend puts in a lot of leg-work (and let's face it, if he wants to be with you he should be prepared to do this). However, at the end of the day it is up to you what you do and not their decision, even if they threaten to withdraw their financial support. If your boyfriend lets you down again then you might have to be prepared to do some major back-tracking
Are you getting some treatment and support for your depression?
Hi DogDays76
I really do feel for you. At the moment you don't know whether to trust your boyfriend. He could of course be telling the truth about the make-up being there when you two had split up. I always think it is best to go with your instincts, and as you say, he has cheated before.
Your parents disowning you is awful, and must be another wrench for your son.
I think that what they are doing is a form of abuse. Its like they are saying to you, do it our way, or go it alone. That is terrible.
Being on benefits is hard, and being a single parent is hard, so I can sympathise on that one.
It would be great if you could manage on your own, and show them you don't need their support. You also don't need their approval at your age to see whoever you want to. I can absolutely understand your boyfriends view, but he is also hurting you by cheating!!!!
You are obviously feeling very low right now, and finding everything a struggle. Keep posting and you will receive lots of support.
Take care
Alison
x :)
All my personal view points... I really hope none offends, as even now, I'm not sure what I'm going to say... 8-)
University - have you been to the University to see what options are open to you to carry on studying? They may be able to offer a lot of advice.
You son. I'm sure that together you make a good team. In a way it's good that he will continue a relationship with his grandparents.
I think if you can somehow manage to put 'parents' in one box and 'grandparents' in another. It will be good for your son to have contact with them. I'm just wondering if you feel you'll be stronger without them.
Your boyfriend. You have your doubts and your suspicions (which I can't spell, sorry). Sometimes you need to act on those.
There could be ways around this.
I do agree with sparkling lime, it is good to feel that you are not boxed in, Dogdays76 and can take some control by finding out what your options may be about continuing to study. Also she mentions that your parents are also your son;s grandparents and you need to think about whtehr you want them to continue either or both or none of these roles.
Whatever happens with your boyfriend it is important that you are there for your son. I am glad you are getting some support with your depression.It is tempting to think that your boy would be better off with his dad, when you feel so low. Maybe he could have a visit with them to give you a bit of a break? or you could think about more regular contact with them so give you more breaks of routine?
Hi DogDays
Well done for qualifying :) I'm not too clued up on benefits etc, but there are links on the home page to browse through. Can you not try and chat with your Dad? I know it is hard to do, but you never know.
Can you not try for a council place? At least you won't be indebted to your son's grandad. Who knows you might be better off.
It would be a shame if your son didn't get to visit his cousin. I have detached myself from most of my family, (and have to say, am much happier). I wouldn't stop my 7 year old from ever seeing them, but I know how hard the decision is.
At least if your son goes for the weekend, it will give you a break, and also time to think things through properly, ie, your options etc.
It is very hard when you are feeling so low, and you feel totally on your own. Somedays, I have to drag myself out of bed, and dread facing things, but I know I'm the only one who can help myself basically.
It will get better for you, so keep your chin up and keep posting on here.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Congratultions on qualifying. That is so brilliant.
There's such a need for counsellors, I'm wondering if the Jobcentre could give you some guidance with finding work in that role?
Have you been to see the lone-parent advisor at the Jobcentre. I'm wondering if they can refer you to a careers officer who can help further.
While you may physically feel alone, hopefully we can help a little here... Virtual hugs can be effective (although not as good as the real thing...).
Be kind to you. There will be ways forward, just sometimes it can take time to see that. Little steps will get you there.
We are all here to support you, Dogdays76 :)
Hi there DogDays76
What a rough time you are having, I hope that you have found the replies that people have given supportive and useful.
It is so important that you stand on your own two feet, we all need support from family and friends, but we must not feel bullied by them.
Only you know what is right with your partner, you and your son come first, so any messing about from him, or if you feel uncertain, take a step back until you are really sure. Life is hard enough raising children on our own without the heartache another adult can bring.
Good suggestions raised about separating your thinking around 'your parents' and 'your sons grandparents'
It is important for our children to have extended family in their lives as long as it is a positive and healthy relationship and doesn't have a negative impact on you.
Also good suggestion about contacting the University to see what bursaries there are available. Many many many single parents live on benefits alone, you can do it, you just have to cut back on little luxuries. It is such a sense of achievement when you do and you then feel less beholden to others.
How are you feeling today??
Hi DogDays76
You sound really low. When you find you are near rock bottom, it is always good to call the Samaritans, they are open 24hrs a day. Many of us here online have used them and found them to be extremely helpful and supportive, their number is: 08457 90 90 90.
Your son will see the animosity from your parents, children are highly perceptive, perhaps you can tell him that you are not seeing eye to eye at the moment.
It sounds like you don't trust your boyfriend and finding dealing with him, as well as everything else, one thing too many.
Being on your own can be the best thing in the world, it gives you the chance to focus on yourself and your child and find out what makes you happy and what you want out of life. It can be very freeing. Surely it would be better to rely on yourself and trust your instincts than to be messed around by someone who is not putting you first.
It sounds like you have worked really hard, going to Uni and completing 2 years whilst raising a child on your own is a HUGE achievement, so give yourself a pat on your back. It is a shame that your dad won't help you out, but you can do this on your own and how proud you will feel.
If you are worried about debt, get in touch with your local Citizens Advice Bureau http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
We have all felt miserable and alone and as if we are being swallowed up by life, but you will get there. Are you finding it helpful seeing a therapist? By the fact you have come on here and looking for help tells me that you are making steps, therefore making changes. Give yourself a break and treat yourself to something nice, you have come so far, don't let others bring you down.
We are here for you. :)
Hi DogDays76
Loads of hugs. I can well imagine how upsetting all of this is for you. You've achieved so much. You can do this - and I'm sure when you start to come to terms with this that you'll realise this.
Do keep posting.
Hi.. have you seen the film with Al Pachino.. Dog Day Afternoons? it's good, I just thought of it when I saw your name : )
Have your parents disowned you because you've got back with the father of your child?
and..
Is it the two sets of grandparents that aren't getting on?
Either way, don't worry about what other people are doing : ) just get on with your life how you want to and if that's not good enough for them (who ever they are) that is their problem. I realise it's not always that simple but that's the basic idea : )
Don't take on other peoples problems.
Don't settle for second best.
Don't make compromises.
Go for what YOU want.
Life lessons by me : )