Hello
Hi I'm all new to this
I'm 25 and have been single and a lone mother for 4 years
i had only just started seeing the father of my daughter when I found out I was pregnant. To begin with he was fantastic as I was very ill throughtout the pregnancy.
However as soon as my daughter was born it all changed.
When she was 7 months old he through us out at 11 at night.
we have had no contact since and have managed to cope quite well.
But I feel so lonely all the time, i dont really have many friends or a social life so I havent met anyone else or any friends so thought I would give this a try.
Please come say Hi
:D
Hi Anna
Thanks for replying.
Well.... I swallowed my pride and phoned my parents who of course let me stay, stayed with them for a few months till I could get my own place with the help of the council.
For 2 weeks I phoned my ex partner trying to arrange things so he could see her but he just wasnt interested. There was also a step sister involved of a young age (9 at the time) and he threatened to not give my daughter back if I dropped her off.
Since then there has been no contact although he has just signed papers to change her surname.
My daughter started school this year (very scary) so I am hoping to try and make a few friends through school, but I am quite shy really so it is hard.
I was thinking of volunteering in some sort of animal way as I love dogs but live in a flat so cant get one, may look into this when school starts
Thanks for the advise.
Hey great to see you back.
At least you know where you stand when it comes to ex. It is better for your daughter to have one happy parent, than two unhappy ones.
It is good when the children start school, plenty of opportunities for new friends for you both. To get over the shyness perhaps you could get involved in helping with school play, or school trips, that gave me confidence anyway and the school always want parent helpers.
Volunteering with animals/dogs sounds lovely, whether it be dog walking or helping out at pdsa. Animal work is always good for shy people ;)
Look forward to talking to you more
It took me a few months to realise that 1 parent is better than 2 unhappy ones, I felt so guilty whenever I thought about leaving,
I have worked most of the time we have been alone but in march I decided to not work and stay at home, atleast until she started school, quite a few things have chanced since then, my daughter was quite a handful, she still is but i think it is getting a little better, probably because I am not so tired all the time.
Look foward to chatting in the future
:P
If anyone wants to come and say Hi please do, I live in wiltshire so if you live near by let me know maybe we can meet up
I am alway open to suggestions or happy to suggest or answer any queries (if I can)
So come introduce yourselves
Hello squeak2711
I hope you get some replies from other parents, local or otherwise.
I just wanted to welcome you on board and say that you are amongst friends here. You will see that there are threads about all sorts of subjects.
As for feeling shy in the playground, I know what you mean but I just wanted to tell you that one of my very closest friends was a fellow Mum in the playground, it took us a while to get our friendship off the ground but we have been friends for 10 years now, so do keep trying!
Look forward to getting to know you more :D
Hi Squeak,
I'm sy and oo er.
Well my partner met someone else on an internet game, told me she didn't love me, it didn't matter that she was unfaithful, as she was leaving me anyhow, how nice, took the children from school, moved in with lover. Er, my stepdad died slowly from cancer. I'm just being made redundant now. Having court case for contact in 2 weeks. Found grey hair on my chest. Trying not to lose house. On anti-Ds and sleeping tablets.
My right buttock hurts.
Otherwise I'm OK.
Very nice to hear from you and very sorry I missed your post. I'm not getting enough "on" time to read your thread, sorry! Having trouble concentrating. It's been 8 weeks.
Peck on the cheek for you.
Sy
Hi Squeak.
Second attempt at a reply – typing away happily and it just disappeared!
It will be a big step for you and your daughter when she starts school. You will make friends at the school gate – even if it’s only to have a natter at the end of the school day. If it’s anything like the primary my children went/go to, then they’d be glad of extra help with the PTA too…
I volunteered for a while with the supported housing group who helped me when we were homeless. Helped me realise that I had a few issues within my marriage that I hadn’t been aware of! They no longer use volunteers though, which was sad – well for me!
I’ve sort of got into Scouts now.
I’m glad you had the support of your parents. Family and friends are invaluable when it comes to building a new life.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
found it again!
so sorry squeak, I had meant to reply yesterday, but couldn't find this thread again. I dont know why, maybe Anna or Louise could figure out why?
I found it again by going ofline & looking & there it was on board, but when I'm signed on, it is not there.
Anyway, I am glad you have taken the step to come online & speak to people. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lonley, but dont believe for a second it will last! you will find you have a busy life again some day soon. What everyone said about when daughter starts school is so right, there will be many opportunities for you to meet new people then. And you will have free time to do something of interest too.
Take care :D
Pansy
Helloo Squeak!
how you today?
Very lovely to have you with us. I am quite shy too.
I usually try and hide at the back if there's a large gathering of parents.
I have forced myself to go to badminton after 14 years.
I knew none there, so was a big thing for me.
What kind of things are you interested in?
I'm not very knowledgeable about children, only know my own, who are 10 year old boy and 5 year old girl.
However they do surprise me still. And I think I will always be learning. They both coming to visit me this weekend. Hope they have a good time, it's my 5 year old's birthday on Monday so Sunday will be nearest day as is "taking back" day, so I'll need to do something. I'm very disorganised.
Do you have any ideas for birthday surprises? There's only me, my son and daughter and nanny.
Do you know of any romantic movies for Pansy? I have suggested "Revenge of the fluffy bikini vampyre killers" however I think there may be better suggestions?
Really nice to have you here.
Peck on cheek.
sy
Hi everyone
Thanks so much for all your support.!!!! :D
I am hoping to get involved in the school life, just doesnt seem possible, my daughter and I are really close(although sometimes she doesnt act like we are) so going to school is going to be more difficult for me than her I think.
Thanks for saying Hi Louise.
Hi sparklinglime, I will try and get involved in the school activities but I am looking to go swimming at lunchtime once a week, which I am hoping will get me back into doing things that I use to enjoy.
Sadsy, Hi, sorry that you ex was so horrible to you, I'm sure everyone has said it will get easier( and it will) but I can understand what you mean, even now after 4 yrs I still have days when that happenned to me creeps up and I suddenly find myself very depresssed. I have been on and off anti-D since before I even met my ex so I know about the not sleeping and feeling rubbish, if you want to talk I am usually around at some point in the day. I hope you daughter has a lovely day I am sure she will as she will be with you. Have you tried taking the children swimming? maybe Nanny could help? my little girl is 4.5 and she just loves to go, in the holidays children under 16 are also usually free so shouldnt be to expensive.
Thanks for the support
hi my uername is clara i am lonely like you and have not got many friends like you . if want to talk any time i will be there as i need to make new friends . i have three boys 9 ,7 and 21 months and only got divorced last year , he was having an affair after being with him for 18 years . i am finding things hard as he has come back to me three times in the year but always goes back to her . last month he left her for good and wanted to try again but within a couple of weeks he has gone back to her again . feel like i have been used again he does not like it that i don't want the boys seeing her as i feel they are hurt and confused with this all . does things get easier as the years go on ??
Hi Squeak!
Sadsy, Hi, sorry that you ex was so horrible to you, I'm sure everyone has said it will get easier( and it will) but I can understand what you mean, even now after 4 yrs I still have days when that happened to me creeps up and I suddenly find myself very depresssed. I have been on and off anti-D since before I even met my ex so I know about the not sleeping and feeling rubbish, if you want to talk I am usually around at some point in the day. I hope you daughter has a lovely day I am sure she will as she will be with you. Have you tried taking the children swimming? maybe Nanny could help? my little girl is 4.5 and she just loves to go, in the holidays children under 16 are also usually free so shouldnt be to expensive.
Yes, it is a lot easier now, you are right.
I have taken them both swimming last contact 2 weeks ago, as was 1st time arwen come stay in her old home. She squealed with delight at swimming, but I not know how to teach her and she launch herself into the water with abandon!
I'm not sure if ex treat me badly, I get confused about memories and what she said now, it seems long time ago. And I never broken up before. She did step over me as I begged her not to hurt me anymore on day 3 or 4. I guess that's bit awful? I did take her on holiday where she not enjoy it. I said I'd fly her home though. I guess I took her for granted.
Yes you're right again, nanny is fantastic help.
I have to go now. Peck on the cheek (it's kiss week this week)
Night night
sy
Clara, sorry I run out of time!
Keep well.
sy
Hello to you too Clara,
have not seen a post from you yet, have I missed one AGAIN, sorry if I did. I have now figured out that I need to look at the board NOT signed in to see all the posts otherwise I only get up the ones I have posted in, I think?
Clara, him coming back like that has really messed you up hasn't it. Just think you may have been over him if he had not have done that, what a bugger, he wanted to keep a hold on you I surpose.
my relationship was 17 yrs, he walked out to another woman 17 yrs younger than me! 6 weeks ago. I will not have him back if he asked, I have figured out now that I have been unhappy for years, he put me through to much, it was always about him & I never mattered. Anyway, sorry, not to much about me!
look forward to getting to know you both, squeak & Clara.
take care
Pansy
Pansy, that should not be happening with the threads. One thing I have found is that at the top of each section are the "stickys", that is topics that always stay at the top, whether very recently added to or not. The, underneath those are the standard topics and they appear in the order of those most recently contributed to. This means that if there are a couple of "stickys" then the thread you ar elloking for might be a way down the board if others have been used more recently......
Hi Clara
That must be so horrible, not knowing where you stand and him coming and going. However, it is not unusual for this to happen as you will read if you go through some of the other threads. Maybe you can start to feel better now you have definitely split up and you can move forward with your life. The pain WILL ease over time, though it might not seem like that now. Sometimes we can get so involved with our children and our partner that there is little opportunity for making friends, which is why it is so hard if your relationship breaks down. So welcome to a new start, Clara! There are lots of online friends here and as you grow in confidence you might also want to have a look at http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/ for things in your local area
Hello again squeak,
Have a look at that link above, too. But do both stick around here as well, as it is great to have you both here! :D
Hi everyone welcome clara.
I'm sorry that he keeps coming and going in your lif.
I can understand how hard it must be my ex asked me to come back several times in the 2 weeks after we broke up but I was lucky enough to have the support of my parents and I held strong, but the tempation was very hard.
It took me some time to realise how much better off I was without him.
The question I asked myself was-
Do I want to be with him or am I just afraid to be on my own.
I came to the conclusion it was the latter and since although very hard at times, I have nevre looked back. Hope it gets better keep in touch
Claire
Hello squeak 2711
Those are words of wisdom, and also it takes a lot of courage to be honest enough to admit that you were scared of being on your own. I remember that feeling. I was "luckier" in that I saw the split coming and I was able to think what might make things easier, particularly moneywise, and I took on a college course knowing that very soon I would be the family breadwinner. I think the shock when people break up is one of the hardest things to deal with, as shown on these boards.
Hi Louise
That is very true. I was very young at the time and I knew things wouldnt work out I guess you just ignore the facts and hope it will work. I wanted my ex to go back to being the person that he was when I was pregnant (the loving kind gentle understanding man) and not the drunk, unkind, rude person he had become. I just kept thinking that it would change again.
Ofcourse it never did and just got worse, then one day he lifted his hand as if to hit me (which he didnt) we both realised things had gone to far, that was the night he through me out. If I am honest I probably would have left by the end of the week anyway but it still really hurt even though I agreed we shouldn't be together.
It took me weeks to get over the initial hurt I could only just get out of bed at the time so I think it is good to remember that even if it was you that broke up the relationship it can still be painful.
Still of to my parents today to play in the paddling pool even though it is overcast and likely to rain :lol:
My daughter would swim in a paddle if she could hope you all have a nice day
Hi squeak2711
Thanks so much fior making that point; even if you are the one who decides to end the relationship then things can be difficult and painful. Also when you were saying about being unable to get out of bed, it is worth remembering that too, so that if you have times when you are down nowadays then look back and see how far you have come :D
Have a good day and never mind the rain, your little water baby will still enjoy the padding pool!
I was the one who left ex - although in hind sight I should have done so much sooner. It takes courage though... I was devastated though - so much ends when a marriage/relationship end.
I hope you have a lovely time with your parents and that the sun does shine.
You're right, sparkling lime, it is the loss of our hopes and dreams and that can be a bereavement in itself.
Did you enjoy a rain-free day, squeak 2711?
Hi all
I did have a lovely day, we went out with nanny shopping!!!!!
Nanny also paid for several outfits for my daughter including new trainers, it was great. Money is a little tight as she starts school this year and getting everything has meant that I havent been able to get new play clothes, (which she does need) is it was great to go out and get things. It was like having a shopping spree on myself I was really excited as I knew my little angel would really like them all. :D
On sunday we also went swimming, I have arranged swimming lessons to start soon but it is in a pool we dont normally go to so I wanted to get her use to the differnet setting.
Hope you all had a good weekend, sadsy happy birthday to your daughter did you have a good weekend?
Look foward to hearing from you all
Hi squeak2711
You are right when you say the temptation to go back is very strong, especially in the early days. It is great that you had your parents support and also that you had your head screwed on enough to recognise that that it was a fear of being on your own that might have drawn you back to him, rather than undying love for the marvelous man that thought he could be!
Clara, what a difficult time you are having. Your ex is not showing you or your boys any respect. this then has a knock on effect on how YOU feel about yourself.
It is time to get realistic. Have you considered counselling? I found that talking to someone who listened to me and wasn't always trying to take advantage of me was really useful. It made me feel that I do have a valid opinion and that it was normal to have all the feelings that I had and it gave me the freedom to move on with my life.
Very few single parents choose to parent alone, we all thought when pregnant that our future was pretty much set up with the partner that we were with. But when a relationship breaks down, we have to re-evaluate the situation and move on with a different direction in mind.
Look after yourself, don't beat yourself up over your ex, enjoy your life without being controlled by anyone else. Your job is parenting your children now, not being a safety net for your ex.
How is life treating you this week?
thankyou all for your advise . as he has gone back to her again i dont want him taking the boys to her ,he is finding this very hard . the boys keep on asking when they can see him he came round to nite and cried when he had to leave told him you made the choice to go back and i told him what would happen if he did . sometimes i think i should let him see them but then again he has hurt us so much . when he is not around life is easier there is no arguing but the boys miss him . the evening are the worse when the boys have gone to bed and i dont have many friends that i can trust . i thought i had some friends but they are also friends with my ex and have found out they tell him or his girl friend what i have said . i feel like i am being watched all the time i have blocked him on face book as his girl friend is all ways adding comments ,she is also made friends to some of my friends and is always adding comments . i have changed rugby club for my son as i had to see her must tue training nite and sun rugby game . i would like to make friends that i can talk to and trust and are my friends not his .
hi anna
i am having a better week as he is not around and i dont have to think about what he is doing . only today did we have contact and that is because he wanted to see the boys and people made a comment about what i had said at the weekend and he wanted to know if it was true . he left crying and me and the boys walked away cuddling each other he made the choice and i need to stick with what i said to protect us all from being hurt
.
Hi Clara - glad you are staying strong and sticking to your contact decision. its tough but worth it. Proud of you.
When he first left my friend wrote out for me in big letters 'YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU ARE WONDERFUL. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.' it helped and I am sending that thought to you....
'YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU ARE WONDERFUL. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.'
she also started singing 'you're amazing, you're fantastic' to the dangermouse theme, but I will spare you that!
Take care
Peg
thanks that thought of someone singing made me smile
Loads of hugs and strength.
Squeak, I agree with the earlier comments about getting involved with the school. Most schools are so welcoming to any form of help. Join the PTA - its a great way to meet the parents and even the ones who aren't on the PTA know who you are and talk. volunteer to do reading in class - its a wonderful way to get to know the kids and teachers. Offer any skills you have - IT, cooking, craft, drama, music.... Getting people from the community more involved in the school is something schools have to do now so they should snap you up. It is a way of giving back and you do get a lot from it - well I definatly do, and i've even been asked on school trips!
I also think that having YOU time is important and something I am going to take more seriously from now on.
Go Girl - your daughter knows how great you are, we know how great you are - now show the world!
take care
peg
Hi squeak2711
Welcome to One Space, you will find some friends on here, glad you found us! :D
So your daughters father threw you out of the house at 11pm at night? Poor you, what did you do? You say you have had no contact since, is that your choice or his? Sounds like that might be a good thing. ;)
Parenting alone can feel lonely, but it doesn't have to be. Is your daughter in nursery now? Do you go to any mums and toddler groups? Do you have family that live close by?
What are your interests? What do you enjoy??
I know, so many questions huh! I was the same age as you with my daughter (mine's 14 now, aghhh that makes me 36) and had a difficult time, but I promise you, that if you are looking for a change in your life, you will find it. I started volunteering at a local organisation, just to be around adults while my daughter started nursery, only one day a weekthough. I received training, expenses for lunch which was £3.50 (loads of money to me for one lunch) and a lot of support and guidance. I volunteered for 3 years and then ended up getting a job with the same place!
Have a look at the following link and see if there is anything in your local area: http://www.do-it.org.uk if this is something you would consider.
Let us know if you find anything interesting. You don't have to apply straight away, just have a root around.
Keep posting :) I am always up for a chat. :)