Hi Joanne
At least she sits on the naughty spot, singing or not!!! Is she at Nursery or school? The two year old probably just copies the four year olds behaviour, which makes things twice as bad for you. I always think there is light at the end of the tunnel, (sometimes, mine is a blinking long tunnel), but eventually you get there.
Hope you're having a quiet evening
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi
Distraction can work quite well, especially if you can take them out and away from what ever they're fighting over. Kicking a ball outside can relieve so much tension.
Seems you're doing brilliantly though. Ignore the bad behaviour (that is soooo hard, I know) and praise the good - however small this may be.
Also random dancing around the kitchen to The Killers and Mr Brightside - as loud as you dare - usually get their jaws dropped in disbelieve. Well, it works with my lot... :shock:
Hi rowlands.jo
Firstly: welcome! I am glad that talking about it has helped. One good thing is that when they are this age, each stage doesn't last tooooo long, although of course the next one could be as bad :shock:
The others have given you some great ideas, I would also suggest you stay mega-calm, no matter how cross, stressed, or upset you may feel. When your elder child is being naughty one method that can be helpful is "First....then". The way this works is that you say something like "FIRST I would like you to speak quietly/stop hitting your sister/sit down nicely (whatever she is doing wrong) THEN we can see about you getting a sticker on your chart/ having your juice/watching In the Night Garden" (whatever will motivate her) If she continues with the bad behaviour, you repeat the same phrase several times and then if there is still no effect you say "Ok it is now TIme Out" (that is similar to sitting on the naughty step) It is fine if she sings on the naughty step, just gnore her. At the end of the "naughty time" say "do you understand why you were on the naughty step/chair?" and if she doesn't give you the right answer then you explain again why she was there. It is really hard the first few times but the more times you do it (calmloy and firmly and with good eye contact) then the easier it will eventually become.
Gosh it is hard work, though, isn't it? I really think that we should get some sort of medals for parenting. Have you got some nice plans for the weekend?
First of all congrats on your NVQ course. Hope that goes well for you. Glad you had a bit of a break last night though it sounds as if you're paying for it tonight ;)
Just remember, deep breaths and staaaaaaaaaay calm....
Hope you all survived the sleepover :D
Hi joanne
Wow, you must be shattered. Get those matchsticks out for your eyes. :lol:
Hope you get a little bit of peace today, maybe they will zonk out for an hour during the morning! Fingers crossed for you.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I recommend an early night tonight....for everyone!
Hi rowlands.jo
Lots of tips here for you to try out!
I want to add my own, it worked wonders for me and my daughter when she was being aggressive after a lot of trouble with her dad - Special Time.
It means spending some time just being with them, giving them our time to do what they want, without us putting any demands on them.
It shows them that they are important to us as individuals and we want to spend time with them.
I know it is not easy having two, but maybe your older daughter can go to bed half an hour later, so she can have special mummy time?
Have a read of our articles in the Info Library in the Behaviour section on Special Time and Temperament for some more on the subject.
Have you tried anyones tips yet? How are they working?
Well done rowlands.jo!
It often seems to happen that children behave really well at school and nursery and are more volatile at home, I guess this is the better way round and also I think as parents we need to acknowledge that they have to let off some steam sometime. Anna's Special Time suggestion sounds fab, and I do think that the parent staying calm is a really effective tool (easier said than done! :lol: )
Fingers crossed that this is the start of a new stage for you
Hi rowlands.jo
I think you're being rather hard on yourself about the bus incident. People do look when a child acts up, and it is awful at the time. Just because you decided to be on your own, doesn't make it your fault. Your daughter will eventually settle into her new routine, and you are doing brilliantly.
When my son started Reception, my goodness, did he change!!!! I used to tell the teacher that I was bringing home the wrong child! He was a complete nightmare. Beforehand, he was polite, very pleasant, and within weeks, he was a monster.
I know it is different, but I honestly think it is all down to change of routine etc.
It took months before I could actually see a child that I used to have before he started school :lol:
I hope this makes sense! Just keep on doing what you are doing, and things will work out.
Hope you get a good night
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi rowlands.jo
I think many of us have a day, days, or even longer when we just sit crying. (we've all got to let our feelings out somehow). Sometimes I find myself crying over the sheer frustration of stuff. It could be absolutely anything.
Your daughter is showing how she feels by acting up, and seeing, (I guess) how far she can push you. It will get better though. You are doing all the right things, so stick with it.
Hope you have a good day today. If she acts up on the bus, down the street, or in a shop, ignore the onlookers. (what's the betting, they too have had children that have acted up). Sometimes, I used to think I would love to do what that woman does in the advert, on the floor going mad. (do you know the one). I have to admit, I have done it at home, that soon stops my son :lol:
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi rowlands.jo
Ahhhhh, bless her. Is it the pre-school booster? I pre warned my son, and kept pinching him to give him an idea :lol: . Got him some sweets too, which he clutched in other hand!!! He was brilliant though, I would have screamed. Like you, I hate needles. You see, she does love you. When she is kicking off, keep telling yourself that. Lots of hugs for her later.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I hope she'll be ok after the injection.
My daughter's having the one to help cervical cancer today - although she's not so well, so maybe they won't give it to her... She's 15.
Hi rowlands.jo
Welcome. You've already said that it started about 3 months ago, so at least you can put it down to when your ex left. They are very young, and it is so hard for them to adjust too. The 4yr old has to know that she can't talk to you like this. Yes, she is hurting, but if you don't nip it in the bud now, then she'll think its ok. I assume you've tried the normal things like the naughty spot, chair etc. Have you tried the reward chart?
I suppose the fighting can be dealt with in the same way as the attitude. If you start all of these methods though, you have to keep them up.
I always try to put myself in the child's shoes, and imagine how they are feeling, if we as adults are hurting and don't understand a lot of things, then they must be frightened, very confused etc. I think I would give them lots of cuddles, reassurance etc, but also explain to your daughter that it isn't nice when she talks to you like that, and it has to stop.
Sorry, I've not been much help, but this is a great group, and lots of people will give good advice.
Take care, and remember, things will get better.
Alison
x :)