Hi
Hello Claire0508
Welcome to One Space, we are all here to support you and help each other along the way.
You sound as if you are still in shock about what has happened. Do you have family support and/or some good friends to talk things over with? it's important to talk things through at the moment as you will have such a lot of different feelings.
How are the children doing? I expect it is harder for your 5 year-old to understand. What were the circumstances of your break up?
Hope you will feel at home here and able to link up with others in the same situation. I won't ask you any more questions right now; don't want to overwhelm you. Just one quick tip: don't forget that at those times you feel alone with your situation, even in the middle of the night, the Samaritans are always there. Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90. They have helped me in the past when I have felt low.
Others will be along soon to say hello.
Take care.
Hi claire, a big welcome to One Space. There are people on the group who have been in your position, and can help you through this difficult time. Just a few kind words can make all the difference I find. Do you have family and friends around to help support you? How are the children handling things, especially the 5 year old I guess. Does the ex still keep contact with them? Its very early days for you yet, and it will get easier in time.
Please keep posting, others will be around at some point. As Bubblegum says, maybe the hot weather is keeping them outside.
Take lots of care
Alison
x
Hi loopy, I have posted to you on the other thread, but shall give another welcome anyway. A big warm welcome to One Space. I'm guessing that others are out enjoying the sunshine at the moment, but Louise, one of the moderators normally checks in regularly, so am sure she'll be along sooner rather than later.
What have you been up too today? Do you have family and friends around you?
Take care, look forward to chatting
Alison
x
Hello loopy 6302
I have said hello to you on the other thread and asked you a few questions so we can get to know you more. I am Louise, one of the moderators of the board, along with Anna. One of us, and sometimes both, check in every day to see how everyone is and to help where we can. We both have lots of experience of parenting on our own, and so do the other members, who are really friendly so I hope you soon feel at home.
What are you up to today?
Hi claire0508 theses are tough times and it is great to see that loopy has found your post, she is absolutely right, you could help each other too, it is very therapeutic to chat to someone in a similar position.
How are your children coping?
Hello claire0508
I have sent you a message on the other thread about things in your area :-)
Don't worry about times that you cry at night, it is all part of the grieving process and although it might not feel like it, is actually very healing. We are all here for you as well and if you feel that you really need someone to talk to in the night, just give the Samaritans a ring on 08457 909090. They have helped me a number of times
Hello claire sounds like your having a rough time at the moment hun.
My name is stuart and i have 3 children and was married for 13years then out of the blue my partner said its over and had found someone else.
My god it hurt like hell and felt like my world had come to an end, you have problely been there yourself.
But hold on you can do it you got your great children to think about and you carnt control what your ex partner wants to do, you now need to concentrate on yourself and as hard as it is it does get better with time believe me its now 2 half years for me and its the best thing my ex partner did for me.
You get to be your own person an face new challenges that are ahead of you. You get to find yourself again, rebuild your confidence and sef-esteem got for it girl look after number one for a while.
Stuart
Dear claire0508
Well done for contacting Samaritans, how was that? You are going through a very difficult phase, but this is part of your journey and you will get through it, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Start believing in yourself, you are worth more than a couple of nights of passion. Could you perhaps set some boundaries about when he can come round and how long for? So he earns your respect and vice versa. I know when you are in love all you want is everything to go back to normal, but at this time the relationship has gone too far out of hand.
You deserve someone who will love, care and be considerate of you.
His behaviour is appalling and very unfair on you and your children.
At the moment you are in shock at the break up of the marriage, the loss of a father in the home and worried about the future, but you can deal with all of this over time. Can you think of some of his bad points?
Philanderer, headworker, disloyal, takes advantage of anothers vulnerability? You know him better than i do, but everyone deserves more than that, wouldn't you agree. If he had treated your friend like this, you would be outraged, yes?
You mention that you have questioned whether you can go on, I wonder if you could perhaps treat yourself to something, you have had a hard knock and you need a little pampering, whether it be a DVD from the supermarket, or a something special to eat treat or just letting the children stay up, ignore the housework and laze around for a little while?
It sounds like you need some extra support for a little while have you been able to find any support in your area?
Hi loopy6302
Thank you very much for your encouraging words. And for sharing your struggles, it is such a hard thing to come back from, when your trust and your future have been turned upside down - by the one person who should be on your side.
I think you are right, taking each day (or even each hour!) as it comes is the only way forward.
Do you find solace pampering yourself to little treats? If so, what are they?
Hello : )
Normally there are lots of people here, maybe its the weather and they are all out and about sunbathing and going on holidays and what ever.
Unfortunatlly I'm not really very good at giving advise and making people feel better with kinds words.
It does get better though and one day soon you will be able to look back and actually laugh about it, at least this is my experience and my wife was leaping up and down frothing at the mouth and telling me she was going to kill me and the children on that fateful day five and a half years ago when she was dragged kicking and screaming into the back of a police van by men in stab jackets, Leaving me with my daughter who was then five months old and my son who was about one and a half
Oh how I laugh now.
Siriously though it does get better, it's been nothing but a sort of on average steady upward sort of thing for me, the only downward times have been when we've had to go back to court, they are the worst bits, court, I hate it.
Talk to people or at least get out and be with people you like and that make you happy and try not to get lost in a world of anger and bitterness as it will just take you down into a place that may be hard to get out of.
Some of the other people here probably have better things to say : )
I'm off out as the sun is out and I'm going on a demonstration walk to protest Israel's continuing blockade of Gaze and its generally terrible record with the Palestinian people.
Later : )