Hi I am a single mum but why do I feel so alone?
Hello Butterfly
How are you doing? It is great to have you here, welcome! Your English is fine, by the way:-)
Reading your post two things come across very strongly, you are tired and you are lonely. Even though you have good friends they don't understand your situation. Well, we at One Space do understand and can give you support and a place online to share with others.
On a practical basis, are you and your daughter's father both in the Uk? I am just thinking about the Child Support Agency, to get some money for you. In any case, it sounds as if you need to think about some social contacts, even as simple as getting a babysitter one evening a week and going to a nightclass or social group. Whereabouts are you in the country?
You're right: although parenting is rewarding it is very hard work and you need and deserve some enjoyable times on your own and with other adults.
Keep posting, we are here for you
Hi Butterfly, welcome to One Space. We all know what you mean when you say you're lonely, so hopefully we can help you through that. As much as we love and adore our children it can be extremely difficult being on our own. You also work very hard too, so it must be tiring juggling everything. Does your little girl go to Nursery or anything? Perhaps there are single parents there? Weekends are the hardest too I think. Everyone seems to be doing stuff with partners etc.
I hope you keep posting here. As well as serious chats, we also have a laugh, so please join in :)
Take care
Alison
x
Hi Butterfly - I love your name too! They always make me think of Freedom!
It can be sooo hard raising our children on our own, however sometimes I think we have to give thanks that we are not doing it in a difficult, lonely or trapped relationship. We get the best of our children (oh, and the worst too of course!)
I am glad to see that you have some good friends, they are so important. Are you able to join any groups? Have a look at Your Local, maybe there is something going on near you where you might meet other parents? You could also have a look at Netmums Meet A Mum, however it is not just single parents looking for friends, but you never know who you might meet. Let us know if you use it and how it goes :)
As for relationships, I used to think I needed the missing piece of the puzzle too, however, we need to see our family as whole, otherwise our children may grow to think something is missing too. It doesn't sound like you have much time for relationships at the mo Butterfly! Why not take a break from thinking about that part of your life. Let us support you in making your life feel complete as it is.
You won't always be on your own, apparently the average a single parent is a single parent is 7 years.
If you have a Google toolbar you can click on the ABC with a tick box, otherwise, don't worry about it, we certainly aren't!
What is your first language??
Hi Butterfly, all of this talk about exercise makes me tired, hehe. I'm not overweight, but I'm not at all fit! My exercise is walking my son to school and back. Takes about 20 mins each way. Lifting and carrying heavy shopping, (sure my arms have muscles lol). Going up and downstairs, and thats basically it. Does pushing the hoover around count???
I hope you have a good day. Lovely to see your posts.
Oh well, off to make son's lunch for school, and then wake the little darling. Catch you soon.
Take care
Alison
x
Hello Butterfly
How are you this morning?
As far the money goes, you are entitled to some money from your child's father. even if he is not working you will get £5 a week. if he is working you will get 15% of his salary. If you are working and receiving Working Tax Credit (which I think you are) then it will not affect your benefit. Look at this web page www.cmoptions.org/ for how to claim. Improving your income is the first step to being able to get out and about more!
Hey shortie, long time. How have you been? How's your baby daughter? The job?
Hi Butterfly, sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Its ok you know to cry. You're letting out your feelings, and it's better to cry and not keep it bottled up. You are bound to feel this way, especially as you still love your ex deeply. It will take time and a lot of hurting, but you will get through it. We are all here for you, so keep posting ok.
Take care
Alison
x
You're right Butterfly, it will never go away completely, it just becomes easier to live with, over time. Just be kind to yourself, hearing this news about his new relationship has re-opened the wound and it is quite understandable that you are crying. Please be reassured that crying will help you heal-all those stress hormones coming out in your tears! although it might not feel like it at the time.
Also please be assured that you now have a group of online friends and supporters!
Awww butterfly. Loads of hugs from me too.
It's not an easy journey.
Hi Butterfly
Have you considered counselling? I know that you don't seem to have many free hours in the day, but it could be a life changing experience?
Here is a list of Meet Up groups http://www.meetup.com/find/gb/n7/reigate/ near you, where you might meet some new people.
I wonder if you could perhaps arrange a social event for the people who attend your fitness classes? Perhaps coffee after your morning session, then you could get to know some of the mums better, or perhaps evening drinks (I know,....babysitter!) with the evening lot?
There are definitely people who live near you who are feeling as you do, do you get to talk to anyone at your daughters nursery? Could you ask one of the carers if they know of any other single mums?
These times can be hard and especially when someone you love is moving on with their life, but this is your journey and you will find your way.
Are you reading any good books at the moment?
Thank you so much sadsy for a brilliant post and for sharing with other people the process that you have gone through, and are still going through.
Butterfly, I hope that has been helpful? I know that when I had a painful break-up some years ago, the phrase "How COULD you?" kept going through my head as I found it so hard to believe what he had done after what we had been to each other. Time does heal but that is small consolation when you're waiting for that to happen. Seeing it as a journey, as Anna suggested, is a really helpful way to go. I would like to offer the suggestion that every day, no matter how dark, has something positive in it. When you go to bed at the end of the day, you could think "What gift has the day given me?" and in amongst whatever else has been going on, there will have been a piece of wisdom learned or a gorgeous song of a little bird or a smile you shared with someone in the street or even just a sense of pride in yourself that you got through that black day.
We are all here for you Butterfly :-)
Hope you have a good weekend Butterfly.
Loads of hugs.
Comment deleted
Let's put this behind us now, and continue to share our weekend news.
How are you doing, Butterfly? I notice you have been contributing to some of the other threads, which is great.
I love the way One Space has been set out. This way, I can see the last posts etc. Hopefully it will stay this way.
Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Me???? I haven't done much at all. My wrist is really hurting me, and even washing dishes is a ruddy pain.
What's everyones plans for the Summer hols? Is anyone going away?
Have a restful Sunday
Alison
x
Hi Pansy, big hugs from me to you. I understand completely, and I hope you won't let it get you down.
Hi Pansy
Of course this is your place for support and that is why I changed the subject as personal stuff is better kept between the people concerned.
I have deleted some of the posts that you may have disliked.
I ask that we now get back to supporting Butterfly, and anyone else who needs us including Pansy. Sadsy gave some excellent input to her and let's concentrate on that.
Hope you feel more comfortable, Pansy
alisoncam, sorry to be a nag but it sounds as if your wrist may need some medical attention?
Butterfly, how has your weekend been?
Next time my youngest has a football tournament, please can someone remind me to take the vosene and shower gel? Will save so much in electricity if I just let the torrential rain do the work...
;-)
Will keep a note in diary for you Sparkling!!!
Nag away Louise. I've been saying this afternoon that I think I shall go for x-ray tomorrow or something. Really is giving me jip, dull pain, then sharp, also feels as if it's burning inside.
My youngest is 11, and luckily they were able to stand under some trees! I went back to the car between matches.
I'm not a fan of football at all, really, but do enjoy watching him play. No football for a few weeks - shame... ;-)
Your spelling is great. Don't worry, I understand completely.
Welcome to One Space.
While I totally know where you're coming from when you talk about your friends being in relationships, here we can give you a bit of company - even though it isn't quite what you mean.
I do get lonely - strangely enough, I'm feeling that way at the mo, and can't explain why, as most of the time I know I'm ok as I am - and perfectly happy to be truthful.
I have had a relationship since my divorce, and it has shown to me that I am ok as I am - on my own - as it turns out he is such a similar character to my ex - although he does have nicer personality!!
Please do keep posting. I look forward to learning more about you.